I'm an ISFJ (so I use Fe) and I have an INFP friend (who uses Fi). Before we even knew anything about type or functions, we had this conversation, and in retrospect, it seems like to me a really good example of the differences between Fi and Fe, and I just wanted to get others' thoughts on it.
I was telling him about one of my friends from college. I was extremely close to this friend and I loved being around her...we were very close.
However, not only did she herself not cuss, she preferred others around her not to cuss when in her company. Now, she wasn't pushy about this...it's not like she treated anyone who cussed around her differently. But, if the topic came up, she expressed that she would prefer it if those around her did not cuss.
In that situation, my Fe took over. Even though I cuss whenever I feel like it and it was sometimes my natural urge to do so around her, I refrained from doing it because I valued our friendship. I put her preference above mine because I didn't think it was that big of a deal to be careful not to cuss around her. She never pushed me into it, but I felt that because we were friends, part of me being her friend was to honor her wishes by not doing something she didn't like me to do. It wasn't that big of a deal to me...I put our friendship over my own small natural inclination.
When I told my INFP friend about it, this sounded preposterous to him. In his mind, he felt that she was being completely unreasonable and uptight. He felt that if she was truly my friend, she shouldn't care at all about whether or not I cussed. He said that I should be free to do whatever I wanted and it was up to her to decide if that was worth still being my friend. His point was that if the friendship hinged on me cussing or not, then it wasn't worth having. For his friends, if anyone ever mentioned that to him, he would have ignored it because he found it unreasonable...he felt no need to change what was true for him and if someone else didn't like it, there was no point in even being friends.
Looking back on it now, to me this seems like a perfect illustration of Fe vs. Fi. My Fe believes that in a friendship, both friends should make personal sacrifices in order to keep harmony between the two friends. His Fi believes that if the friendship is truly valuable, both friends shouldn't ever have to feel like they have to sacrifice anything...they should be free to do whatever they want and the other should be ok with it because they're friends.
Now, this isn't to say that both he and I don't agree to a degree with both of these perspectives. I'm sure there are times where he sacrifices things for friends, and there are times when I won't back down from who I am. But, I still think this conversation kind of illustrates how an Fe user and an Fi user might view a friendship. I know from my experience talking with some INTJs that they tend to feel pretty similar to how my INFP friend does.
Any thoughts on this?