ESFP and INFP

ESFP and INFP

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This is a discussion on ESFP and INFP within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Dear mates, This is my 1st posting. I have searched, "esfp infp", in this forum but have not found any ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    ESFP and INFP

    Dear mates,

    This is my 1st posting.

    I have searched, "esfp infp", in this forum but have not found any thread on it and decided to start on one.

    I am an INFP (and sometimes an ENFP, depending on the mood when I take the Jung personality test). Actually I am interested in this lady who is an ESFP (and sometimes ISFP - depending on her mood when she takes the Jung personality test too).

    We are heading off well, but I found her really laid back! It seems to me that she is interested in the present only, not bothering to think of the future. And she is conventional too. I wanted to try to head for my dream, but she will suggest that I should not do it. I should go for bread over love.

    There seems to be so much of differences (opposite) in us.
    ESFP <--> INFP (ENFP)
    Laid Back <--> Like to Work
    Present <--> Present & Future
    Love to sleep <--> Sleep is a waste of time
    Love R&B, Full Metal songs <--> Prefer soothing, peaceful music
    Positiveness <--> Negativeness
    Hate to plan <--> Research & Planning come first
    Careless and take things too easily <--> More careful, and take things into responsibilty
    Happy person <--> Well... less of it
    Tends to be the center of attraction <--> Shy away from it
    Eloquent & Charming <--> I feel I am less of that too
    Love to watch TV, especially drama <--> Love to watch only documentary, and self-help programmes only, dislike drama

    Are ESFP & INFP unable to "click"?
    Last edited by fieryfury; 08-30-2009 at 12:42 PM. Reason: Grammer error
    Grey, pikmenbattlehealer, Sufuninja and 3 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality

    I don't think "clicking" is about how similar you are but if there's that pull in your heart towards her. If you're both open-minded and relaxed then all the differences you have can work together to compliment each other. You just have to both be willing to compromise. :)
    Grey and davisk thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    My apology, I am not ENFP at times but am INFJ at times. So it seems that I am INFP/INFJ.

    I have read somewhere that the reason some people "clicked" and some don't has something to do with their personality types.
    Grey, maxisokay and Gel E. thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Create fantasies and have her act them out with you. Fairy tales everywhere you go. It's fun. i used to pretend we were in medieval times, etc. She loved it.
    pikmenbattlehealer thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by fieryfury View Post
    Dear mates,

    This is my 1st posting.

    I have searched, "esfp infp", in this forum but have not found any thread on it and decided to start on one.

    I am an INFP (and sometimes an ENFP, depending on the mood when I take the Jung personality test). Actually I am interested in this lady who is an ESFP (and sometimes ISFP - depending on her mood when she takes the Jung personality test too).

    We are heading off well, but I found her really laid back! It seems to me that she is interested in the present only, not bothering to think of the future. And she is conventional too. I wanted to try to head for my dream, but she will suggest that I should not do it. I should go for bread over love.

    There seems to be so much of differences (opposite) in us.
    ESFP <--> INFP (ENFP)
    Laid Back <--> Like to Work
    Present <--> Present & Future (Present and Past)
    Love to sleep <--> Sleep is a waste of time
    Love R&B, Full Metal songs <--> Prefer soothing, peaceful music (prefer punk music or singersongwriter, folk)
    Positiveness <--> Negativeness
    Hate to plan <--> Research & Planning come first
    Careless and take things too easily <--> More careful, and take (some) things into responsibilty
    Happy person (at least optimistic) <--> Well... less of it
    Tends to be the center of attraction <--> Shy away from it
    Eloquent & Charming <--> I feel I am less of that too
    Love to watch TV, especially drama <--> Love to watch only documentary, and self-help programmes only, dislike drama (I like both drama and documentary)

    Are ESFP & INFP unable to "click"?
    As an INFP I have alot of ESFPness going on then. I also don't think your P is very strong.
    Bolded the things I relate to.
    Grey, MEM1976, juventas and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists


    My mom is an esfp and we have a great relationship.
    Grey thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Dear babblingbrook,

    On Laid Back - shouldn't a person be working so that he will not develop laziness?
    On Present and Past - 6 months ago, I was still looking at the present and past, but I decided to change - I want to look forward to the future, for it will be there that I need to get to eventually.
    On Love to sleep - to look forward to the future, I have to let go of my past and head forward. I think even when I sleep, and I will usually have the solution by morning.
    On Preferring punk music or singersongwriter, folk - well i think i was influenced by her, now that I do enjoy some other type of songs such as the one by Linkin Park
    On Hate to plan - I do really hate planning, but over the years I realised that I made silly choices without planning, so I have coerce myself into planning.
    On More careful, and take (some) things into responsibilty - I agree, I should work on this.
    Happy person (at least optimistic) - I agree, I should work on this also.
    On liking both drama and documentary - ok

    You know, I had also read somewhere that most of us have 2 of each personality side.
    I maybe INFP, but I could also br ESTJ too - we will change as the situation changes in our life. Isn't that so?
    Grey, pikmenbattlehealer and Gel E. thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by fieryfury View Post
    Dear babblingbrook,

    On Laid Back - shouldn't a person be working so that he will not develop laziness?
    On Present and Past - 6 months ago, I was still looking at the present and past, but I decided to change - I want to look forward to the future, for it will be there that I need to get to eventually.
    On Love to sleep - to look forward to the future, I have to let go of my past and head forward. I think even when I sleep, and I will usually have the solution by morning.
    On Preferring punk music or singersongwriter, folk - well i think i was influenced by her, now that I do enjoy some other type of songs such as the one by Linkin Park
    On Hate to plan - I do really hate planning, but over the years I realised that I made silly choices without planning, so I have coerce myself into planning.
    On More careful, and take (some) things into responsibilty - I agree, I should work on this.
    Happy person (at least optimistic) - I agree, I should work on this also.
    On liking both drama and documentary - ok

    You know, I had also read somewhere that most of us have 2 of each personality side.
    I maybe INFP, but I could also br ESTJ too - we will change as the situation changes in our life. Isn't that so?
    I don´t think we change that much anymore. To me it seems impossible to change my inner core. I don't think I'll ever feel good standing in the center of the attention, or enjoy planning for example. I know INFP's are adaptable to new situations, and we may change our habits but not our mind and our values. I'd like to know where you read most of us have 2 of each personality side. We are good at understanding people and seeing things from different perspectives and we are free spirited, so that might have something to do with it.

    I'm not lazy when I've got work to do, but I still have a laid back attitude towards work or life in general, I'm also rarely in a rush. I can relax.
    For some reason I prefer staying up late and sleep through the morning.
    I'm not sure if music preference has a lot to do with personality types, only a little bit I guess. I prefer honest, authentic music from the heart.
    You still hate planning, but you try. I don't think it's bad not to plan, I'm open to lots of situations and am very adaptable and flexible.
    I'm don't think I'm not responsible. I can get lost in things and forget about the mundane things (stuff that doesn't bother me or catches my attention) in life. Is that irresponsible? Well, I think I'm careful and responsible because I tend to overthink the things I do, introverts uh?
    Grey, MEM1976, ToriAnn and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ESFP - The Performers

    I'm brand new here - and am an ESFP female who has two very dear INFP friends. One male and one female. They have strengths that I lack and vice-versa. We tend to work well togther - esp the female. The male and I have problems at times. The female loves me for who I am - the male has different feelings for me (and I for him) and he seems to want to make me become him. I think it must be a male dominate thing. My husband was ISFJ and he spent most of my lifetime trying to make me become him. Which is partly why I finally left him.

    As to your ESFP female - we tend to be very sensitive - especially to criticism. And you sound very disaproving of her. It would be very difficult to trust someone who doesn't like who we are. We live in the moment - which is one of our strengths. You seem to see it only as something to dislike. INFP live in the present and the future - which should be what you have to offer the relationship. She takes care of the day-to-day right now things - you take care of the future.

    I love to sleep - when I can - seldom getting more than 5 or 6 hours a night. I work one full-time job, several self-employed jobs - and volunteer for numerous community service organizations. I work my ass off - and then do absolutely nothing to re-charge my batteries.

    Some ESFPs are irresponsible - others are very dependable. We love to make people laugh and will do whatever we can to lighten up a situation - we hate conflict of any kind. But, don't dismiss us as light weights. Idealists and Rationals tend to look down their noses at Artisans.

    You sound like this is what you are doing to this female who interests you. Why would she trust you if that's how you feel about her?

    And yes, we do tend to look at the practicle aspects of any project. One ENFP was planning an event in our very small community - 500 people. She wanted it to be HUGE - the Rose Bowl. She was terrifying - since I'd worked other events with her - allowing her to do the planning while I did the actual work. After a year of this I became the nay-sayer. After four years I walked away from the organization - everyone else did too one by one - she wore us all out - used us all up.

    Dreams are wonderful. But, eventually reality has to be factored into the equation. You don't start with the Rose Bowl in a small town - you start small and build up to it. Idealists - in my experience - see where they want to be and want to be there NOW. We see the work it will take to get there. And maybe we aren't willing to do that work.

    My INFP female friend will tell me her dreams. Because I learned about MBTI 6 years ago I now understand about different types. I am my friends biggest cheerleader. She calls me her affirming friend. She never hears a negative word from me - until she steps away from the world of dreams and into the world of reality and asks me to tell her the steps to get where she wants to go. She doesn't ask the question if she doesn't want the answer. ; )

    ESFP hear everything as the immediate - not realizing that some things aren't meant to happen for years and years - we think you want it done today - right now - and that can scare the heck out of us at times.

    Does your ESFP friend know about MBTI? And is she willing to learn to work within the needs of other types. Can she allow you to dream - as long as you both understand it's only a dream? Are you willing to listen to the logical steps to get where you want to be and to be honest about the difficulty?

    And maybe she just doesn't want to go where you want to lead.
    Seamaid, Blue Butterfly, Grey and 11 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ESFP - The Performers

    As an ESFP who rooms with an INFP and has found an amazing relationship with her as my best friend in the whole world, I think there are pros and cons to having a relationship with one of us crazy ESFP. Rachel (the INFP) and I often speak about why should one of us magically become a guy we would work and why we wouldn't.

    Here is the thing about ESFP's when it comes to relationships with others, especially INFPs. INFP's like to talk about why they are feeling the emotions they are feeling, ESFP's just want to say what they feel and because we feel so deeply, we have a really hard time verbalizing the why we feel the way we do. I thought for the longest time that I was really good at expressing my feelings to those around me because I could say "I feel angry" but when asked why I feel angry, a garbled set of syllables that made no sense came out! I realized that I knew why I was mad, but I can't verbalize those feelings into words. I can verbalize it into art but not words. That's why I take photos. It reflects how I feel.

    We are also can get emotional over little things. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. I have seen my roommate cry once in the year I have known her and it was because her turtle was dying. She on the other hand has seen me cry over little things so many times we have lost count.I get upset over little things really easy, but on the other hand, I recover pretty quickly if it's not that big of a deal.

    I know for myself though one of my worst faults is how I hold a grudge. Once scorned, I never have the relationship with the scorner that I once had. I have a really hard time building relationships back up with someone who has hurt me. It's why I've never been able to forgive my father for being such an ass.

    But I think the really important thing here is to just love an accept the other person for who they are. That is how my roommate and I haven't killed each other. I know that my love of chick flicks makes her want to puke so I don't make her suffer through them, just like the movies she loves (everyone usually dies at the end) make me really REALLY sad so she keeps her watching them to a minimum. She gets annoyed when I don't verbalize my feelings but she understands why I can't. I want to pull out my hair when I can't get her to go out in public with me, but I understand what her needs are.

    Good luck to you!
    Seamaid, Blue Butterfly, SassyPJs24 and 9 others thanked this post.


 
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