What is it about people with Asperger's syndrome that pisses people off so much?

What is it about people with Asperger's syndrome that pisses people off so much?

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This is a discussion on What is it about people with Asperger's syndrome that pisses people off so much? within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; I just want to know, and I'm brutally honest and don't mind brutal honesty back. Anyone deal with someone with ...

  1. #1

    What is it about people with Asperger's syndrome that pisses people off so much?

    I just want to know, and I'm brutally honest and don't mind brutal honesty back. Anyone deal with someone with Asperger's and have any advice on what I may be doing that makes almost everyone I meet act defensive, jealous, passive-aggressive? Any advice on how to tone down anything I might be doing to evoke these emotions in others?



  2. #2

    My younger brother has Asperger's and something that frustrates me to no end is that he doesn't seem to care about how the things he says affect other people. I know that this isn't true -- it's very hard for him to tell how the things he says are received -- but this is how it comes off a lot of the time.

    In all fairness, though, this same criticism could be made of a lot of xxTx types, myself included.
    natashasghost, fourtines, Choice and 1 others thanked this post.

  3. #3

    I've never been jealous of anyone with Asperger's Syndrome, so that might be an incorrect social assumption on your part. I have found certain people with Asperger's or Autism excessively cruel, but in those cases I think they were socialized to be so, that their parents said "oh they're special we can't discipline them" so they grew up to be these nasty, unemotional taunting monsters who show borderline psychopathic or antisocial traits. I don't think that's usual though, so there may be co-morbidity ...that is to say, some Aspies may also have antisocial personality disorder, it may have nothing to do with parental efforts.

    But most Aspies I've met are harmless people, and since I understand it and am an Fi type I don't think it bothers me as much as it does Fe dom/aux types maybe, I dunno. I've really hated one Aspie I met but I think he's also antisocial, or has co-morbidity with other personality disorders.

    Most of them are sweet, stubborn, some are clueless, and one I know is sort of laughably attached to his favorite routines, schedules, blanket, whatever. Since I'm an Fi dom I could hardly give a shit if someone doesn't "join in." So I meet Aspies, they don't "join in" and I just let them be, and they let me be, and it works.

    I've met people who get SUPER pissed off by people who don't "join in." I seriously think they are Fe dom/aux, because what seems to piss them off is the cold individuality or the fact that they are unresponsive and don't join the group. Their complaints sometimes mystify me, like "really you can't be serious." But I think I know this ESFJ dude who gets really upset at this ISTJ I know who has Asperger's ...he just can't stand it that this Aspie always *must* have the same chair (and won't give it up to anyone) and sometimes doesn't greet him in return or want to engage in conversations with him. I'm never upset if someone doesn't respond or want to engage in conversation with me, unless I want to sleep with them so this mystifies me that this bothers him so much...but I think it has something to do with Fe, I don't know.

  4. #4

    It doesn't bother me directly at all.. But It bothers me that a lot of boring, self obsessed people use it as an excuse for their laziness and lack of social grace.
    Kind of like everybody who is over weight has a "thyroid issue".
    Riy, natashasghost, Marlowe and 10 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by knittigan View Post
    My younger brother has Asperger's and something that frustrates me to no end is that he doesn't seem to care about how the things he says affect other people. I know that this isn't true -- it's very hard for him to tell how the things he says are received -- but this is how it comes off a lot of the time.

    In all fairness, though, this same criticism could be made of a lot of xxTx types, myself included.
    I wonder if this has to do with the personality type of the Aspie? Like some Aspie's I think have co-morbidity of other disorders, or were just raised in an environment where they were never encouraged to learn more social skills?

    I met an Aspie tonight who was as nice as he could be, and said he even wishes he could go back to high school and apologize to the girls he would awkwardly approach out of no where and just start randomly stroking their hair. I think he was rigorously raised in an environment though where his parents put him in special schools and kept a super-close eye on him, from what he said, so that he was taught social skills and about other people's feelings in such a manner that as a grown man he *relatively* understands it.

    He seemed weird almost in the way that I can be (lol) in that he seemed to lack a filter. Like he just kept telling me all this personal information about himself, like just jumped right in and "blah blah blah" and it made me think of the way I go on and on sometimes (my mother actually said once she wondered if I was a mild Aspie instead of bipolar II because they show similar traits like overreacting and over-emotionality, now that my niece has been diagnosed with a rather obvious case of Asperger's) ...but yeah...his social flaws seemed more like...clueless...rather than malicious.

    Same with the older ISTJ Aspie I mentioned in my last post. He isn't "mean" and he has a clear Christian morality (that is admittedly dogmatic, he has very black and white "right" and "wrong")...the only way he is clueless is more like a social stiffness and refusal to respond or join in.

    So Aspies who are blatantly fucking mean...I'm not sure what that's about, but I don't attribute it to Asperger's or Autism across the board. I knew this one Aspie ASSHOLE on-line, and I think he probably had some clue of what he was doing...he wasn't just being awkward or not knowing what to say or what not to say...he was a pretty nasty individual.
    JungyesMBTIno, knittigan and Laeona thanked this post.

  6. #6

    I've heard of this before. I'm not bothered and I fail to see why I should be.

    Anyway. I think that if you can't fundamentally grasp the issue, whatever it is, then trying to 'fix it' will be a clumsy patch at best.

    One word of advice though is to avoid being self centric. Not everyone wants to interact with you or hear what you have to say, or have anything to do with you in general.

    I've had it happen to me where a random person I've never even seen before comes up to me and starts babbling about <insert thing>, and while I will tolerate this to a point, I am not going to be chained down for an hour to be this person's outlet. This has actually happened to me a couple times. Eventually I just want to say "I don't care! Go away!"
    Owuguffu and Choice thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Very mild Aspie here. I'm not really mean at all; a lot of people can't even tell that I have it. I have my own obsessions an repetitive behaviors, but I spare others from them unless they share the interest.
    natashasghost, fourtines and Choice thanked this post.

  8. #8

    I've worked under someone with Asperger's and boy, was it frustrating. The forced eye contact. His disingenuous attempts to boost morale. He would approach me asking about a sick family member or something, then interrupt me and order me around. His perfectionism would stifle everyone around him.
    fourtines thanked this post.

  9. #9

    I dated an aspie once, and my problem with him was in part caused by this:

    Why an Aspie has problems with relationships
    An NT is pre-programmed at birth to form relationships. The hormonal systems in their bodies demand it, otherwise they will be unhappy. The oxytocin relationship must be continually fed with words, actions, movements and touches between the partners to reinforce the flow of hormones in each other. It is a feedback loop and it is very powerful. It has been used to breed animals on this planet for millions of years, and has been successful in creating a population of billions of violent and unpredictable human beings!

    In Aspergers, the hormone systems do not seem to work the same way. Aspergers fall in love with other things such as their special interest. "Falling in love" means that the same hormones start flowing in their body that NTs experience when they form relationships. Whilst a couple's infatuation may last only a few months, the Aspergers infatuation can last a lifetime. Unfortunately this is not "socially acceptable" to NTs. It is virtually impossible for an Aspie to take part in the oxytocin feedback dance that holds most couples together. This happens for ordinary people like riding a bike or learning to swim - it just happens. Aspies learn to do things by observation, thinking, and copying. It isn't possible to learn the intracies of courtship. Of course, it is possible for a couple to marry and live together without a strong oxytocin bond, and many Aspergers do marry and have children. This requires a very understanding non-Aspie partner.

    History shows that some of the greatest geniuses had strong autistic traits. Maybe this is one of the reasons the human race has been so successful. 99.5% of the population built to breed, and a small percentage of eccentrics who focus their energies in other pursuits which result in the occasional genius who advances the human race in the arts, music, literature or sciences.

    In short, NTs form relationship because they need to. Aspergers don't form relationships with people because they don't need to. However, they may still be subjected to Dopamine and Oxytocin fluctations through interaction with other people which can result in varying mood levels and depression. A stable Serotonin level will assist in living a contented life. I have heard that microdoses of Ritalin assist some Aspies to live a semi-normal life. Meditation can be a useful tool for others.
    I never felt that he genuinely loved me, but that I was only someone he could lean on, and then I became a fixation. " Brandon Jensen / Cherlion / krebaghn " treated me horribly, lying casually and masturbating to teen girls. He had a sick fixation on this teen popstar where he actually talked like he knew her. It was so utterly weird. He worshipped her. I found all these things he wrote about it, and it disturbed me profoundly. I'd googled his online handle chrelion after some friends told me they had seen him posting creepy that popstars forum. I thought it was weird that they were googling him in the first place but I know they were trying to protect me now. I had to break it off over the lies and masturbating to teen girls, at which point he stalked me FOR YEARS. He wouldn't stop no matter what I did/said.. even when I ignored him for a long time. I finally had to get in contact with his father to make him stop. Brandon was 27 yrs old when this happened, but basically living under the care of his parents - so when his father told him to stop, he pretty much had to.. well for a while. Recently I have seen someone looking at my livejournal using a damn proxy again, so years later and many attempts to get rid of him - its probably him again. He used to call me using a voice disguiser to say weird shit.

    Anyway, I'm not saying that all aspies are like this creep, because I know they aren't. I kinda got off on a tangent when I thought about 'the aspie I dated.' I have known of some women to date them and find they are perfectly loyal. I read an article on people who actually prefer them to date.

    Though my exp was with a nightmarish individual, he was just that, an individual.. a sucky one. The lack of oxytocin bond doesn't necessarily have to mean they can't stay commited to you. I have heard that many are very loyal, and can learn to have emotional exchanges with people.

    But then I read one article where an aspie said that he would feel absolutely nothing if his family were to disappear and never be heard from again. Maybe different aspies have different levels of connectedness to people.
    Last edited by Promethea; 01-09-2012 at 05:53 PM.
    HandiAce and fourtines thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Promethea
    ...a small percentage of eccentrics who focus their energies in other pursuits...
    My life in a nutshell. HECK YEAH!

    I'm not quite an Aspie, but I do have some behavioral traits that are similar to one.

    I know one Aspie who I grew up with in elementary school. We actually go to the same college now. The only things that he might do to upset another person is walk or run away (literally) from you. It probably has to do with social anxiety and confusion though. He is actually a very friendly and gentle person by nature. It just hurts sometimes to see anxiety get to him.
    Judson Joist thanked this post.


 
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