[ISTJ] Sex and the Male ISTJ

Sex and the Male ISTJ

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This is a discussion on Sex and the Male ISTJ within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; With your nature to not be emotional, how do you have fulfilling sex lives with your partners? Is it difficult ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Sex and the Male ISTJ

    With your nature to not be emotional, how do you have fulfilling sex lives with your partners? Is it difficult to reach true intimacy in the bedroom?

    I am an ENFP married to an ISTJ, and I think he is scared off by the intensity I bring??
    Stephen thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers


    Quote Originally Posted by whydoilovethisguy View Post
    With your nature to not be emotional,
    Oops! Let's stop there. I disagree. While your ISTJ may not express his emotions the same way you do, I expect he's very much an emotional being.

    Quote Originally Posted by whydoilovethisguy View Post
    how do you have fulfilling sex lives with your partners?
    For me, sexual fulfillment seems to be about feeling accepted, desired, and understood. Expressing these to another need not be a complicated thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by whydoilovethisguy View Post
    Is it difficult to reach true intimacy in the bedroom?
    It has been with some partners. When I did, it felt very natural and easy.

    Quote Originally Posted by whydoilovethisguy View Post
    I am an ENFP married to an ISTJ, and I think he is scared off by the intensity I bring??
    If your husband is having this kind of a response during sex, it's not an ISTJ thing. It's something you both need to talk to a therapist about.
    Wake, Memphisto, SoftBoiledLife and 12 others thanked this post.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by whydoilovethisguy View Post

    I am an ENFP married to an ISTJ, and I think he is scared off by the intensity I bring??
    What do you mean by "intensity"? And have you asked him if this is the case?
    niss, Sela, The King Of Dreams and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by whydoilovethisguy View Post
    With your nature to not be emotional, how do you have fulfilling sex lives with your partners? Is it difficult to reach true intimacy in the bedroom?

    I am an ENFP married to an ISTJ, and I think he is scared off by the intensity I bring??
    Where on earth did you ever get the idea that ISTJs are not emotional from? Personally I'm a rather emotional guy. Just a few minutes ago I was watching a music concert on TV with my wife and my mom and aunt who are visiting us. During the final song I was really emotional. It was just so beautiful. Tears were freely running down my face. Just as I was lost in emotional land, my mother made some cold factual comment about a phone call I had received that day. That really irritated me, but I was somewhat able to get back into the music.

    Now, as to the topic of sex, I see it as being a wondrous event in which my wife and I can share our love for one another. It is something that I tend to think my way through, logistically thinking of what to do next, trying my best to take notice of just what she wants next, etc. I feel it important not just that I end up feeling good at the end but that she experience the maximum rush of pleasure as well.
    niss, Sela, haushinka and 4 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by whydoilovethisguy View Post
    With your nature to not be emotional, how do you have fulfilling sex lives with your partners? Is it difficult to reach true intimacy in the bedroom?

    I am an ENFP married to an ISTJ, and I think he is scared off by the intensity I bring??
    Although my ISTJ partner and I (ENFP) have our issues and cannot live together at this time; the bedroom and intimacy has never been a problem...actually quite the contrary. Our sex life and intimacy is absolutely amazing to say the least.
    niss, Stephen and Lethargica thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers


    sex can be very unemotional. i know some emotionally shattered catholice school girls who will tell you the same thing.
    niss thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Your wife is very LUCKY! ( :
    Quote Originally Posted by MorningCalm View Post
    Where on earth did you ever get the idea that ISTJs are not emotional from? Personally I'm a rather emotional guy. Just a few minutes ago I was watching a music concert on TV with my wife and my mom and aunt who are visiting us. During the final song I was really emotional. It was just so beautiful. Tears were freely running down my face. Just as I was lost in emotional land, my mother made some cold factual comment about a phone call I had received that day. That really irritated me, but I was somewhat able to get back into the music.

    Now, as to the topic of sex, I see it as being a wondrous event in which my wife and I can share our love for one another. It is something that I tend to think my way through, logistically thinking of what to do next, trying my best to take notice of just what she wants next, etc. I feel it important not just that I end up feeling good at the end but that she experience the maximum rush of pleasure as well.
    niss thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Will an ISTJ man ever take the initiative to directly come out and express how they *feel* towards a woman they seem to care for... actually say the words? Or do they only show it through their actions? How does an ISTJ man actually express their feelings towards someone that they've grown to care for? Btw, this is a friendship that has developed slowly over time (~3yrs.) through correspondance only because we live in different states. And we are both single adults. But I'm shy (he knows this), so I would not feel comfortable doing the initiating. Or maybe he just wants to remain friends. It's difficult to read this man...
    niss, sparkles and teacherone thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by ShyBloom View Post
    Will an ISTJ man ever take the initiative to directly come out and express how they *feel* towards a woman they seem to care for... actually say the words? Or do they only show it through their actions? How does an ISTJ man actually express their feelings towards someone that they've grown to care for? Btw, this is a friendship that has developed slowly over time (~3yrs.) through correspondance only because we live in different states. And we are both single adults. But I'm shy (he knows this), so I would not feel comfortable doing the initiating. Or maybe he just wants to remain friends. It's difficult to read this man...
    Good luck with that from an ISTJ in an LDR. It's possible, but not probable that he would express deeper feelings in such a relationship.
    Sela, LeelaWho, kaleidoscope and 1 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Based on the ISTJ whom I'm in an LDR with:
    Quote Originally Posted by ShyBloom View Post
    Will an ISTJ man ever take the initiative to directly come out and express how they *feel* towards a woman they seem to care for... actually say the words? Or do they only show it through their actions?
    He showed it through actions for a few months, but I was never sure and never assumed that it was something else until he told me about it. He wanted to be straight with me and didn't want to be in a limbo between a 'friend' and a 'boyfriend'.

    How does an ISTJ man actually express their feelings towards someone that they've grown to care for? Btw, this is a friendship that has developed slowly over time (~3yrs.) through correspondance only because we live in different states. And we are both single adults. But I'm shy (he knows this), so I would not feel comfortable doing the initiating. Or maybe he just wants to remain friends. It's difficult to read this man...
    It's funny because we have been friends for three years before it developed into something more. And I'm also shy in initiating. And he courted me, knowing I will be leaving soon, which lead to our current situation in an LDR. :))

    I don't know about how other ISTJs would act in this situation, but according to my ISTJ, he didn't want to pursue an LDR if he can help it. It's difficult to be in one and so it doesn't make sense to pursue me, knowing that I'm about to leave. But he thought about it and decided that it's worth it. (And it is, I do feel very lucky <3)

    So it is possible for him to pursue an LDR, but he probably needs time assessing the situation.
    niss, Rhee and MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.


 
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