[ISTJ] ISTJ breakups? - Page 2

ISTJ breakups?

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This is a discussion on ISTJ breakups? within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast Unless you're looking for an angel. Okay okay not funny. I'm picky, I actually do ...

  1. #11
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers


    Quote Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast View Post
    Unless you're looking for an angel.

    Okay okay not funny.
    I'm picky, I actually do want an angel. Trouble being that if I deliberately curl up and die, I'll probably find myself chasing a succubus instead.

    The Devil Wears Prada...
    faeriegal713, niss, Sela and 4 others thanked this post.

  2. #12
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by Ham View Post
    The fastest way for me to forget about an ex is to date more women.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yardiff Bey View Post
    Thinking seriously about doing this one. There are PLENTY of decent girls out there.

    Curling up and dying inside isn't going to bring me into contact with them.
    That's actually really great advice. It wasn't until I started dating again that I put the prior relationship completely behind me.
    faeriegal713, Sela, PyrLove and 1 others thanked this post.

  3. #13
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by niss View Post
    ....It wasn't until I started dating again that I put the prior relationship completely behind me.
    Same here. It is affirming to know that others find you attractive and worthwhile. Plus, as @faeriegal713 discovered, you might find a great friend in the process.
    faeriegal713, Memphisto, niss and 2 others thanked this post.

  4. #14
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by niss View Post
    That's actually really great advice. It wasn't until I started dating again that I put the prior relationship completely behind me.
    Get busy living, or get busy dying.

    Cliche, but oh so true.
    niss, Sela and Yardiff Bey thanked this post.

  5. #15
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    @ faeiriegal........love that! Such a good way to show that forgiveness is key to letting go and opening yourself up for something much more fulfilling! Adjusting the perspective can alter the filters we have through which we process our feelings. Thank you for sharing!
    niss thanked this post.

  6. #16
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by Yardiff Bey View Post
    Thinking now about asking girls out again. Feeling cautiously optimistic that I'm not going to rip her heart to bits or vent my frustration/temper on her.
    You have so much to offer someone in a genuine exchange of love and companionship. Don't let some abusive harpy get in the way of your real heart. Mistakes help us grow and build stronger foundations.
    niss thanked this post.

  7. #17
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Sadly, I would likely be that guy who tries to hang on for dear life, to the relationship, sadly, this means I probably leave myself open to abusive situations, but then this leads me to something I posted on some forum (not here on PerC) about how I like fairly strong women, cause though it's pathetic, and could be considered part of the whole gender reversal thing, I want to be protected. I have a strong will, but my body is rather pathetic, and we can blame the "better living through chemistry" people for that.

    So though I'm not really the right person to ask anyway, I would go with what other people are saying about getting out more, but then I went to a psychology class, and that was more or less in the textbook.
    niss thanked this post.

  8. #18
    ENFJ - The Givers

    What do you do if you should be taking charge or at least 50/50 in a relationship but are essentially the 'bitch'? My ISTJ brother allows his wife to shout and scream at him and to throw tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. She expects him to come home from a 50-60 hr week and see to their son and clean the house because she is tired from her 40 hr a week job. Basically she is self-centred and lazy.

    Recently he was in a bad truck accident in which he was hospitalised and had titanium put into his leg/ knee, then he had a bad reaction to morphine, then he had a nervous breakdown. During this time she expected us to feel sorry for her though not him, always complaining that she couldn't take anymore and even telling him that she was feeling suicidal. She came into the psyche ward and put him down saying things like "I'm going to tell them you're a nutter and should never be let out!" and other abusive comments. She got jealous of me and my mum visiting him and repairing a long neglected relationship with him. He admitted that she only liked her own family and not ours. Despite this dislike for her I struggled with, I wanted him to be happy so I prayed for her and for their marriage.

    He came home and the promises of making an effort to see us more were forgotten. The many phone calls he and I had stopped. The resolution he said he had of telling her he wasn't going to be controlled by her anymore and being more of a man in the relationship fell by the way side too. Now he says he feels flat, he looks it too. She is now complaining to me that she is sick of his flatness. Gee! There is nothing he can do to keep her happy enough. My mum told me that yesterday she phoned and he (on crutches) was hanging curtains to surprise her when she got home.

    I hate to see him so flat but what can I do? To further confuse me she told him that I hadn't stopped to talk to her lately (she teaches at my kids' school). Hah? Thought she didn't like me. Then I stop to say hello on Monday and she acts all buddy-buddy with me. Anyway, is there anything I can say or do to help him along with his earlier intentions and hopefully make his marriage a more even one where each party respects the other and the give and take is 50/50?

    As you can probably gather I think he should tell her where to go and find himself a wife who deserves his devotion, but since he loves her and that isn't going to happen I want to somehow help him in his desire to be happily married.

    I realise that is up to him and her to make it work but I fear that his disfunctional way of dealing with emotions and problems (ignoring them) may leave him constantly in her shackles and never truly happy. I don't know if it would come to this but what if he got so unhappy that he became suicidal? He is a really odd brother who I can never quite figure out but I do love him alot, obviously or I wouldn't go to this length of typing in here.
    niss thanked this post.

  9. #19
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by kiwigrl View Post
    What do you do if you should be taking charge or at least 50/50 in a relationship but are essentially the 'bitch'? My ISTJ brother allows his wife to shout and scream at him and to throw tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. She expects him to come home from a 50-60 hr week and see to their son and clean the house because she is tired from her 40 hr a week job. Basically she is self-centred and lazy.

    Recently he was in a bad truck accident in which he was hospitalised and had titanium put into his leg/ knee, then he had a bad reaction to morphine, then he had a nervous breakdown. During this time she expected us to feel sorry for her though not him, always complaining that she couldn't take anymore and even telling him that she was feeling suicidal. She came into the psyche ward and put him down saying things like "I'm going to tell them you're a nutter and should never be let out!" and other abusive comments. She got jealous of me and my mum visiting him and repairing a long neglected relationship with him. He admitted that she only liked her own family and not ours. Despite this dislike for her I struggled with, I wanted him to be happy so I prayed for her and for their marriage.

    He came home and the promises of making an effort to see us more were forgotten. The many phone calls he and I had stopped. The resolution he said he had of telling her he wasn't going to be controlled by her anymore and being more of a man in the relationship fell by the way side too. Now he says he feels flat, he looks it too. She is now complaining to me that she is sick of his flatness. Gee! There is nothing he can do to keep her happy enough. My mum told me that yesterday she phoned and he (on crutches) was hanging curtains to surprise her when she got home.

    I hate to see him so flat but what can I do? To further confuse me she told him that I hadn't stopped to talk to her lately (she teaches at my kids' school). Hah? Thought she didn't like me. Then I stop to say hello on Monday and she acts all buddy-buddy with me. Anyway, is there anything I can say or do to help him along with his earlier intentions and hopefully make his marriage a more even one where each party respects the other and the give and take is 50/50?

    As you can probably gather I think he should tell her where to go and find himself a wife who deserves his devotion, but since he loves her and that isn't going to happen I want to somehow help him in his desire to be happily married.

    I realise that is up to him and her to make it work but I fear that his disfunctional way of dealing with emotions and problems (ignoring them) may leave him constantly in her shackles and never truly happy. I don't know if it would come to this but what if he got so unhappy that he became suicidal? He is a really odd brother who I can never quite figure out but I do love him alot, obviously or I wouldn't go to this length of typing in here.
    I don't know that you can tell an ISTJ what to do. They have to see it for themselves before they are ready to really let go. They tend to give second chances believing the best in people and wanting things to work out. I think they are great optimists and try to see the potential in something so they go at it again with renewed strength that this time it will be different. It sounds like he has some low self esteem to allow himself to be treated this way tho. I was in an abusive relationship and was afraid to be without what I knew for the fear of what was out there that I didn't know. i cycled around in that relationship for 8 years before being able to walk away. And even then it was only on account of my daughter who I was pregnant with as I felt the situation was not fair for her to be in the middle of. I actually cared more about her well being than my own. That's how low my self esteem had gone. That was 13 years ago and dropping him finally for good was the best thing I did. To have never been involved would've been better, but i have a wonderful fun loving 13 year old daughter that I wouldn't have had if not for the relationship. I also can take with me some learned lessons in life!
    niss, kiwigrl and rawr_sheila thanked this post.

  10. #20
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers


    i think you guys hsould all read 'no more mr.nice guy' by dr.robert a glover. it really made me ponder the nature of istjs's.

    anyway i don't handle breakups well. i've learned to practice quiet suffering which works pretty well. when i send emotionally charged emails i know they're going to be shared with the public. which has assassinated me before.

    that said. i don't think i could ever be married. read 'venus:the dark side'. i'm planning a vesectome so my children can't be used against me. common law maybe i couldn't have a real wife.
    niss thanked this post.


 
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