INTJ and ISFP relationship problems

INTJ and ISFP relationship problems

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This is a discussion on INTJ and ISFP relationship problems within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Ok specifics aren't really extremely relevant I now realize (I could easily write two pages on the specifics, you guessed ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    INTJ and ISFP relationship problems

    Ok specifics aren't really extremely relevant I now realize (I could easily write two pages on the specifics, you guessed it I'm the INTJ). I'm 19, she's 20.

    The good -great sex, strong attraction from both of us (slept together night after meeting eachother), we never argued even once during our 2 month relationship (possibly by-product of our personality types), very similar interests (same music/movies), mutual friends (some of her best friends have known me since jr high and gave me good words at beginning of r/ship, my friends all really liked her), same attitude towards substances (she used to do pills a lot, we both only smoke/drink with occasional x/acid/shrooms (she won't even do acid)), I have gained so much insight about r/ships post breakup to where I have no doubt I could make it work if she'd give me a whole-hearted chance, we both want to return to our main college town next semester(at least was plan before split), and finally the r/ship had so much passion throughout always kissing, holding hands, cuddling and spent almost half of the r/ship sleeping next to each other.

    The bad- obviously a terrible fast start, which led to some trust issues on my part, she has a few serious past r/ships, I have none. She was engaged to her hs bf, and dated the QB for our university (he dumped her last dec/jan) I on the other hand have NONE, only week flings and one night stands. The difference in communication styles was my least favorite part of the r/ship, she wanted to be alone when upset, I wanted to talk everything out then and there.

    So she broke it off over texts because I kept pestering her about hanging out (prophesized in our relationship chart). i understand how she thinks now and know I made the WORST mistake I could have other than cheating. Her 2nd to last text sounded like she wanted a break but when I said I thought it was good idea she said no it's over.

    It has been 4 weeks since I've seen her and a 3 weeks since the text. I have had no contact with her and have been trying to stay busy and productive (school, work, gym, friends, asked another girl out) but i can't stop thinking about her.

    My plan is to text her on mon/tues as that will have been a full 3 weeks since the break up. But what to say in first text? What should my first goal be, lunch as friends to "catch up"? And then what, how can I use this info to figure out an effective course of action to show I really am different and want to be with her and RESPECT our differences?

  2. #2
    ISFP - The Artists

    genuine altruistic reassurance.
    Meet up or run into her, but mind your body contact, she may still be a bit apprehensive and touchy on account of internalized feelings, but once you create rapport an only then begin discussing the break, begin it with a touch on the shoulder or arm as a gesture of reassurance, or if you feel confident enough, take her hand in yours, maintaining eye contact.

    genuine show of remorse by tangible action.
    Also don't text her. Send her a handwritten letter. We really appreciate things that people make or give us.

    Basically make you communicate being mindful of her FiSe functions.


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