This is a discussion on Introverts & Extroverts in love within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Originally Posted by jochris We statistically represent 1% of the female population, so we're a bit of a rare find. ...
Mid Atlantic East Coast. I'm tied down with school, so I can't really travel, and so long so long is the only other person on this board who is around my age (I'm 16).
Great thread, avalanche! Thanks. I do question some of the information though.
I have NEVER feared social rejection. Why would an introvert fear something they don't want that much of? I understand the reasoning behind it, but I don't agree with it. I think this would be more of a fear for extraverts, since they need it more. Again, I think this is too much of a generalization, and though it may be true for some people, it is not true for everyone. Personality typing goes too far when it paints with too broad of a brush. We are all individuals, and our motivations and preferences are not always for the same reasons. I also think that distinguishing what is healthy and unhealthy (unstable) can sometimes be a problem, because determining it is somewhat subjective. It's sort of like the DSM. Now everything is a "disorder". If this type of thinking continues, it will soon be a disorder just to breathe. See here:Introverts are more sensitive to social rejection, and don't always see the world as a safe place.
Experts Debunk Psychiatry's DSM
I'm just saying that I see similarities to the DSM in some of these personality 'boxes'...what's considered stable and unstable. I'm certainly not saying that some things are not unhealthy, because indeed they are, but it is often taken too far. Humans simply have variations both with each other, and from day to day. How do we establish a criteria for determining that some of those behaviors (some of them are actually quite mild and harmless) listed as unstable really are? I honestly don't think we always can. I depends on the circumstances. I'm just skeptical, I guess, but I think it's "healthiest" to be ourselves, without negative labels being placed on us.
I have to agree that DSM discriminates against INT's. It gives the INTP type in particular a stigma of schizoid. Even if we are normal INTP's, we're still classified as having psychological issues. Then you get a bunch of E psychologists who don't do anything except give you medications that really turn you schizoid and say that you need more friends. ALthough in a way, because I'm really high I, I need a moderate E, because I can't connct well with people. The world really likes to make INTP's feeling like broken, worthless shit.
I am a INFP, and i have a very hard time dating E's. I have never successfully dated one, although i have gone on dates with lots of them.
I think for lots of I's its not a problem, but i have such strong feelings about conflict avoidance that E's are very hard for me to deal with. They don't always deal well with my need for space, and i can't handle constant communication and hanging out so often.
I recently read on another site that the ideally E's and I's should be in relationships together. It's interesting to me because its so opposite of what i have found to be true.
I also wonder to what degree the other functions may affect this. Perhaps there are some introvert types (when taking into account all 4 letters of personality) who may be more inclined to fear rejection than others, because certain introverts are much more likely to be social rebels who have no concern for acceptance. I'm also curious how "rejection" is being defined. Does it mean that in a social situation, you are ignored or treated badly? Or that once it's over, no one pursues further contact? Or that you are just seen as an oddity to be avoided by society in general? Exactly what?
Despite the degree to which I limit my contact with others, social situations do not make me nervous at all (they just bore and drain me), and I am not "shy" either, both of which are normally assumed to be introvert characteristics. I think there is probably a tendency for statistics to show more of a correlation between introversion and these characteristics, however, as we have both pointed out, it is certainly not true in every case. And I can't help but wonder how many cases are actually fear of rejection, or simply exhausting boredom. And I'm quite certain that we could find this to be an issue for extroverts as well, who, it would seem, are much more dependent on acceptance from others. I love being rejected socially, because it means no one will bother me and start making demands on me.
i'll probably get some shit for this -- i will never date an E. being friends with them is one thing, but being in a relationship, no no. it would be so exhausting and frustrating.