Shy Extroverts

Shy Extroverts

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This is a discussion on Shy Extroverts within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; "If I asked you to pick out the shy guy or girl in the room, you'd probably point to the ...

  1. #1
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Shy Extroverts

    "If I asked you to pick out the shy guy or girl in the room, you'd probably point to the quiet one in the corner looking uncomfortable. And the odds are you'd be right. But there's probably an even shyer person at the centre of that lively bunch at the bar. And that person may be telling the jokes or stories, to entertain his friends.


    Shy people who have an extrovert personality often have to develop ways to get what they want. Ways to cope with their vulnerability and fear so they can be with people.


    For those who think that an extrovert is an out-going person and an introvert is a quiet person, let me give you a more accurate definition. An extrovert is a person who gets energy from being with people. An introvert gets his energy from being alone. That often means the extrovert IS out-going. He has to be out there with people, interacting with them, to charge his batteries.


    The introvert, on the other hand, is quite happy to sit on the side-lines, saying little, because he'll get his batteries charged later, when he's at home watching TV or playing Xbox, on his own. If he's shy, then he doesn't have to stress himself out by getting out there and risking rejection. He may not feel good about himself for being shy, but he does OK.


    On the other hand, the extrovert has to be out there with people or he feels drained and unhappy. Too much time on his own and this guy becomes stressed to the eyeballs. It's not that he feels better about himself when he's centre of the crowd, it's that that's the only place he can lift his spirits.


    But there's a Catch 22 in this for the extrovert. To be centre of attention means you risk drawing negative reactions from people. And the shy person has a very thin skin. It hurts the shy guy a lot more to suffer any sort of rejection than it does a non-shy person. Even a minor slight like someone turning away to talk to someone else, is more painful than the situation warrants.


    Scientists have found that shy people have a very over-active part of the brain: the part that controls our adrenalin. So when a shy person is in a new situation they over-react to that situation. It feels more dangerous than it probably is. Shy people are also more sensitive in other areas of their life too. And they are usually more intelligent and focused than their counterparts. (There are some very big pluses in being naturally shy.)


    I met a guy who was a professional comedian not so long ago. He was an absolute crack-up. People loved him. He found it easy to get women into bed. He seemed to have the perfect life. To everyone else.


    In private, he confided to me that he wanted to get into a committed relationship. He was tired of the 'one night stand' life-style. He was lonely. But women didn't want more than sex from him, he said. None of them took him seriously. He 'used to be' shy he told me, but then he'd taken up comedy, and had learned to be a showman. He'd overcome his shyness.


    But the sad fact was that he hadn't. He was a shy extrovert who had created a great mask behind which he could hide very successfully. But his natural shyness meant that he couldn't come out from behind the mask, especially in vulnerable situations like romance, where rejection is even more dangerous.


    So he stayed behind his clown's mask, lonely but safe. Just like his introvert brother sitting in the corner. Coping with life but not fully living it." - ezinarticles.com


    This describes how I feel pefectly.
    Linnifae, VenusMisty, Crystall and 16 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    I actually somewhat understand what that person is saying and how they're thinking. I'd consider myself natural shy. The first time you meet me I'm liable to say nothing to you than open up more and more to the point that I'll talk about anything. This is with people I like. Then again I might not be shy, but like analyzing and listening to people at the beginning. Learning whatever I can about them in a brief area, and my habit of seeing the world as a game and people as game pieces.

    Basically a Shy Extrovert wants the spotlight but doesn't want to burn & burst into flames. I disagree with the article in caring what others think. I care if others think positive of me (meaning they already think I rock) but don't care of they think negative of me (meaning they dislike me). Tell me if I worded that wrong.

    HOWEVER! All this could easily be summed up by me being an Extroverted forced & trapped in an introverted environment. I've probably gotten so far out of touch with people that its hard for me to open up to them right when I first meet them. I can make friends like that *snaps* & I use to do it when I was involved in social situations. Now with limit social interaction I don't feel the need to talk to the other pieces.

    I just made this whole subject even more complicated didn't I?
    kph5034, Charlie, Riy and 2 others thanked this post.

  3. #3
    ENTP - The Visionaries


    that describes me pretty good too. Well the N in the EN makes sense that it would make me shy because of its weirdness.
    Funkydorae thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Oh I love this post very much!

    I'll hit myself somewhere painful if I find out I'm wrong about myself,
    but I consider myself to be a Shy Ambivert, often inclined to act introverted (sometimes I can barely stand being around (certain) people so I'd rather be Elsewhere or be left alone or I'm just wandering around ^^) but the ambivert side shows spontaniously once I'm around some people for a while:
    - I get energized by having time alone, but like to be surrounded by people I like or that I want to know more about. (I am quite picky because if I can't find what I am looking for I would rather be alone until I find something else. but once I establish the liking of someone I won't mind having them around. when I Really like someone it can become hard for me to deal with them not being around or showing some kind of sign. if they don't show anything I just assume they don't care and I won't care either.)
    - The more I like someone, the more I care about what they think of me, the more I will be Shy. Yet because I would like to know how much they really might like me, I WILL! share things about myself which are somewhat more or less personal (doesn't have to be all the time, ..fluid interaction to me is already a way of opening up to someone who seems appealing:P). I naturally don't share every little personal thing at once, but in bits, depending on time spent together and/or rate of (current) closure.
    - If I will be around the company of people I like, I will naturally be more Shy at the beginning about myself, but will eventually open up because of my own dignity/respect/acceptance for who I am (sometimes even when feeling shy doing it) and it is also useful to see if it'll really click or not though sometimes my Shyness will control my behavior completely so then I become more clumsy and obvious but I guess that has its charms as well:p (I might become so shy that I will have a harder time getting things out). And if it won't lead anywhere it might come to me as a disappointment, but I won't feel bad about it for long, I accept it easily. and just be ready for other connections. Better ones. Try to look for them once I become lonely and bored with being lonely. 'Cause as I mentioned before, loneliness doesn't naturally bother me --- but having no one I like nearby can be sucky as well :(. I don't hang out with people I dislike, even though to dislike them I'd have to be curious enough about them to get to know them a bit first. Though sometimes I just eliminate certain people when I have a more expressed preference for things. I can get confused out of this. :P
    - I like getting to know various people. Because things come and go and you just never know. I am also very curious about people, though I can be anti-social or even misanthropic.

    I haven't found a real balance yet in being this way. There Is a troublesome side to it.
    Last edited by Linesky; 07-19-2009 at 09:05 AM.

  5. #5
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by Evolyptic View Post
    I actually somewhat understand what that person is saying and how they're thinking. I'd consider myself natural shy. The first time you meet me I'm liable to say nothing to you than open up more and more to the point that I'll talk about anything. This is with people I like. Then again I might not be shy, but like analyzing and listening to people at the beginning. Learning whatever I can about them in a brief area, and my habit of seeing the world as a game and people as game pieces.

    Basically a Shy Extrovert wants the spotlight but doesn't want to burn & burst into flames. I disagree with the article in caring what others think. I care if others think positive of me (meaning they already think I rock) but don't care of they think negative of me (meaning they dislike me). Tell me if I worded that wrong.

    HOWEVER! All this could easily be summed up by me being an Extroverted forced & trapped in an introverted environment. I've probably gotten so far out of touch with people that its hard for me to open up to them right when I first meet them. I can make friends like that *snaps* & I use to do it when I was involved in social situations. Now with limit social interaction I don't feel the need to talk to the other pieces.

    I just made this whole subject even more complicated didn't I?
    I see where your coming from, especially the part about analyzing and listening to people. I do that all the time. But yeah I won't really talk to people much until I get into a one on one situation. After I break that barrier I break the shyness barrier, too. I think where you and I differ is that I care what people think about me no matter what... I strive to have everyone like me, and when someone doesn't like me I care more about that than about people that like me... that my F acting up I guess haha.

  6. #6
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I'm more confident talking to many strangers than being one on one with a stranger. I get shy if I'm not confident with the conversation or with how I show myself.




    kph5034, dagnytaggart and cosmia thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    This is sooo true for me too

  8. #8
    Unknown Personality

    I would say that I am fairly comfortable talking to strangers and meeting new people, but even on the internet I have a hard time keeping contact with people. And that's only because I get insecure and shy after first meeting...
    But thank you for that. I look at extroversion in terms of just being able to draw energy directly from the world rather than just people.
    I don't like how, on this board, extroversion is made to be synonymous with attention-seeking, outgoing, comfortable, and needing to be around others...
    Crystall, MilkyWay132, Neon Knight and 4 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    By that definition I am also a shy person. I was painfully shy growing up and I'm still very sensitive and thin skinned. I'm fearful of social rejection and ridicule, but I love being the center of attention.
    But but but...
    Shyness isn't innate! Shyness is learned!
    JungyesMBTIno thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by WickedQueen View Post
    I'm more confident talking to many strangers than being one on one with a stranger. I get shy if I'm not confident with the conversation or with how I show myself.




    Very true for me. I'd much rather be in group conversations, and be the center of attention there, than talk to someone one-on-one, face-to-face. I don't know, it's just too intense and I don't love it.


 

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