Artistís Dismal Dilemma

Artistís Dismal Dilemma

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This is a discussion on Artistís Dismal Dilemma within the The Art Museum forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; ...

  1. #1

    Artistís Dismal Dilemma

    I want to warn you that my posting may be melancholic to some, but sometimes this is how I feel.

    I am what I don't want to be, which is an artist, I used to work but tired out quickly, faltering in the normal lines of work. I became a painter shortly after developing my unique skill of painting in fine intricacies. I am cursed with a chronic pain that is mysterious along with the mental torment of generalized anxiety. I dreamed of being that happy go lucky salesman but collapsed under the pressure of the authoritarian higherups. I took on the energy of the anger around me at the workplace, so I fled the job world to do the only thing I am good at, fine art. Autism is the second of my psychological circumstances, leaving me to underperform many norms of society. The irritation and impatience from others caused by my slowness destroyed me. Under the angry pressure of the proctor, my IQ test showed a meager 95, further intensifying my deep anxieties and dampening my already low self-esteem. What am I but an artist? With the brain of a squid? I wish to be that content high performing diesel mechanic who has endless stamina, yet my body is frail. I so wish to be that bubbly customer service rep that has boundless mental energy, but I tire quickly after a sentence. I love to paint, I love to do art, but they all tell me itís a hobby.

    I havenít pulled in an income with art. Iím 6 months in.

    Who Am I?

    AnneM, Pippi, wums and 1 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I would give anything to trade with you. You could have my bubbly customer service skills and boundless mental energy if I can have your art.

  3. #3

    Have you tried to get specific with how you market your art? What about illustrating children's books? There's always a demand for that. You wouldn't get rich, but people can make a living off it.
    malsprower and Pippi thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by AnneM View Post
    Have you tried to get specific with how you market your art? What about illustrating children's books? There's always a demand for that. You wouldn't get rich, but people can make a living off it.
    Thank you so much for responding to my post with encouragement, it really means a lot to me since I am suffering depression. I am struggling to find a mentor/leader to help me get my art out there. I am confused about the logistics (printing, shipping, selling) because I cannot drive at all. I am depending off of others to feed me, house me, and clothe me and I feel like a burden. I am busting my (lack of better word) trying to get my art produced so I can get it out there but I have no clue as to what I am doing and I am afraid to find the wrong person that will try to take advantage of me. I wish I had "regular skills" so that I am able to work a full time job and function at a normal level. No one will hire me because I am too "disabled" to work a regular job :'( I am like a teeter totter that is super tipped and it sucks because I am unable to provide financially and SSI won't help me. People call me lazy because of my situation and it eats me up inside.
    AnneM thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by malsprower View Post
    I want to warn you that my posting may be melancholic to some, but sometimes this is how I feel.

    I am what I don't want to be, which is an artist, I used to work but tired out quickly, faltering in the normal lines of work. I became a painter shortly after developing my unique skill of painting in fine intricacies. I am cursed with a chronic pain that is mysterious along with the mental torment of generalized anxiety. I dreamed of being that happy go lucky salesman but collapsed under the pressure of the authoritarian higherups. I took on the energy of the anger around me at the workplace, so I fled the job world to do the only thing I am good at, fine art. Autism is the second of my psychological circumstances, leaving me to underperform many norms of society. The irritation and impatience from others caused by my slowness destroyed me. Under the angry pressure of the proctor, my IQ test showed a meager 95, further intensifying my deep anxieties and dampening my already low self-esteem. What am I but an artist? With the brain of a squid? I wish to be that content high performing diesel mechanic who has endless stamina, yet my body is frail. I so wish to be that bubbly customer service rep that has boundless mental energy, but I tire quickly after a sentence. I love to paint, I love to do art, but they all tell me it’s a hobby.

    I haven’t pulled in an income with art. I’m 6 months in.

    Who Am I?

    Shit, that's beautiful.

    The irritation and impatience from others caused by my slowness destroyed me. Under the angry pressure of the proctor, my IQ test showed a meager 95, further intensifying my deep anxieties and dampening my already low self-esteem.

    Fuck them, but always try to be as polite about it as is feasible.

    What am I but an artist?

    Stay dedicated!!

    With the brain of a squid?

    Oh, knock it off.

    I love to paint, I love to do art, but they all tell me it’s a hobby.

    Who are these people? Is there some way that you can find more supportive people? Not to replace these people, if they're important in your life, but in addition to them, so you have some people around you who believe in you (and don't take advantage of you & don't take drugs)?

    I haven’t pulled in an income with art. I’m 6 months in.

    Six months is nothing. I think you should keep working on it. I'd suggest going to your local library, and local college art professors (even if you're not registered as a student, people will often be happy to talk to you) and asking them for ideas on whom to get in touch with if you want to show your work to the public. They'll know people & have ideas.
    AnneM and malsprower thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Stunning work! Keep it up, you have a gift.
    AnneM, Sei35 and malsprower thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by malsprower View Post
    Thank you so much for responding to my post with encouragement, it really means a lot to me since I am suffering depression. I am struggling to find a mentor/leader to help me get my art out there. I am confused about the logistics (printing, shipping, selling) because I cannot drive at all. I am depending off of others to feed me, house me, and clothe me and I feel like a burden. I am busting my (lack of better word) trying to get my art produced so I can get it out there but I have no clue as to what I am doing and I am afraid to find the wrong person that will try to take advantage of me. I wish I had "regular skills" so that I am able to work a full time job and function at a normal level. No one will hire me because I am too "disabled" to work a regular job :'( I am like a teeter totter that is super tipped and it sucks because I am unable to provide financially and SSI won't help me. People call me lazy because of my situation and it eats me up inside.
    Focus on the good part: you make awesome art!!! You're light years ahead of me in this department! I seem to want a mentor who will just lavish me with praise and then do all the work for me. At least your supposed "laziness" is due to depression and disability! My laziness is just laziness, tinged with the most incredible pride this world has ever seen.

    How do you feel when you make your art? Does it bring you joy while you're doing it? If so, I would say don't abandon it for anything. Focus on the joy, and let the circumstances of your life arrange themselves around it. That's how it works, you know!

    It always helps me to remember: my soul is rooting for me, it has a plan of which I am currently unaware. My job is to be receptive and responsive, that's it. I also have a guardian angel whose ONLY job is to care for me. Talk to your angel. Your angel can guide you to the right people and places. People don't realize it, but WE power angels. They run on joy and trust and love. I know it seems counter-intuitive, but if you're depressed and miserable and feel unloved, they can't do as much. You can supercharge angels. Try it. See what happens today when you ONLY let yourself dwell on what makes you feel happy! If that's your art, just stare at it all day. Don't try to understand how it will make you money or get you out of your situation. Just love it for what it is.

    Do you feel like posting more of it? I love it! Just sharing it with other people may be a start. I know that once I put a couple of my songs on the recordings thread, I felt tremendous relief, even though there was no backing music. I thought, "Good. Now at least someone's heard it! It exists!"

    Paulie, Sei35 and malsprower thanked this post.

  9. #8

    You have great artistic skill, I like your use of colours, so don't give up on it. You have potential. Build a nice portfolio of more of this kind of high quality stuff and eventually you may gain some attention and business opportunities.
    I'm not going to lie though, life as an artist is tough and highly competitive if you make it your living. Especially early on. You need to build an audience somehow as well as a nice portfolio.
    I too have never made money from my art. But as long as you enjoy doing it, the money doesn't matter much. Doesn't matter what other people think either (constructive criticism is helpful though).


    And IQ tests, don't put too much stock in the results. I also got around 90-95 on the first IQ test I ever took in my teens. A more recent one I took got 113. I suspect if I took it again in few years it will increase somewhat. Point being, IQ is improvable.
    95 doesn't mean you have the brain of a squid (95 is considered average). If you're capable of those pictures then you obviously have creative intelligence, which IQ tests don't even focus on, so they're not even that great of a measurement of one's overall intelligence.
    Plus the results you get are affected by an untold amount of variables. It's exceptionally difficult to measure such a complex thing.
    Last edited by Hexigoon; 07-27-2019 at 07:18 AM.
    AnneM, malsprower and VoicesOfSpring thanked this post.

  10. #9

    You are an artist, no question about that!

    As for your other problems... generalized anxiety, I wouldn't throw that term around unless you're officially diagnosed. Are you? Then see a therapist. Preferably someone who doesn't just try to feed you drugs. Although some could help with the pain.

    Mysterious pain? Again, I wouldn't throw the word "mysterious" around unless Western medicine has failed. Have you tried other methods? Wellness massage/ reflexology, chiropractor, acupressure/ acupuncture, some other holistic healing and Eastern medicine I forgot to mention?

    Forget about IQ. As long as it's above room temperature, you're good to go.
    malsprower thanked this post.

  11. #10

    You all have been so helpful to me, and I thank you so much for the words of encouragement, it's been a rough year for me after quitting my job, I have been dealing with a lot of self frustration because I struggled at work so much. Working in a deli was very hard for me but it was the only job I was able to get. I have three college degrees and I have struggled to find work since I am unable to drive. Your encouragement has inspired me to continue on with art.
    AnneM thanked this post.


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