This is a discussion on How to Get Along with Other Enneagram Types within the Articles forums, part of the Announcements category; Originally Posted by Normality27 i am in love with this thread ugh. me too,this helps clear up so much stuff. ...
- Tell me you like being around me.
- Tell me when you're proud of me or my accomplishments.
This is very me, but the more I read it, It's really hard to admit. I sound like an egoistic kid=)). but yea, I wish everyone treat me like this xDD #slapped
I'll do my own version of how to get along with me:
- When I'm undergoing a lot of emotional stress, don't tell me that "It will be all ok." or "You're being over-emotional". I already know I'm being over-emotional and that it will be ok. It sounds patronizing.
- When it seems like I'm pushing your buttons for an emotional reaction ... show it instead of repressing it.
- Don't question my intuition in the moment. At that point even if it's wrong, I will become stubborn and will cling to it instead of seeing multiple perspectives
- Don't tell me to ignore my mood and just do it.
- Don't continue to force me to do something I've decided not to do
- If I don't reply to a PM or "ignore" you on chat, it's because I'm in my me time at the moment. If I'm guilt tripped to continue to communicate, I will simply shut you out completely and never let you back in.
- When I'm talking about something that interests me, don't just listen. Not that I mind not getting a response, but instead of silence, it would be nice to be asked questions so I can continue to answer then. Silence seems like the other person doesn't have any interest in what I'm saying
- Never take what I do for you, or your friends or family for granted. But don't praise me for it either. Just acknowledge it and let me know in simple words instead of embellishing them.
- Don't try to control my plans by inserting your own in them. If I've decided to do something that's just for me, go along with it completely. I will always acknowledge it and do exactly what you want some other day.
- Don't ever give me the impression that I'm being talked about behind my back. I don't mind it if people do, but if I find out about it, I can lose my temper and become completely bull-headed and irrational.
- Never, ever, ever invade my private space and alone time. I will kick you out of my room and have no regrets.
- If I'm angry, hurt or disappointed, let me be alone to think about things. DON'T continue to talk about what happened. After giving a few hints that "just let me think about it" and not being heard, I WILL confront and cause a massive fight.
Last edited by SilentScream; 09-10-2012 at 04:41 AM.
It would benefit the 5, and those close to them, to extend his field of study to the extenuating circumstances that may surround an intrusion, and seek to respectfully and considerately explain his position. Biting sarcasm and angry outbursts are more likely to exacerbate a problem, especially if family is involved, so such speech should be avoided.I agree. I'm a 5w4 with a strong 8 fix. I love going out into the real world, but I am sensitive to intrusion when I want to be left alone on my home planet. However, tolerating my angry outbursts & sarcasm only fuels that. The best thing a person can do is tell me I'm being an unrealistic, fantastical jerk and give me a reality check. That jolts me out of my 5-core straight into my heart & gut; and proves to my 8-fix that you're not afraid of me, which earns respect. :DType 8s... I don't know where to start with these suggestions...lol jk In social terminology, there is a huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive. .... Perhaps you think you are being assertive, but if a variety of people are constantly offended by your speech or, even worst, they scatter and cower behind furniture when you enter a room, a self-examination is likely in order. And to be frank, when you stomp around, scream, and curse, it is not our responsibility to 'remember that's just who you are'. Such behaviour is immature, disrespectful, and pathetic, and if you have a habit of doing this, you need to learn self-control.
I think sometimes people don't realize how much 5s can benefit from friendship (especially the kind of friend who says "no, you CANNOT stay in the house today- you haven't left the house in a week... you're going for a walk with me!!"), or how much 8s can benefit from someone who is brave enough to tell them they're being unreasonable or aggressive (also, how much they will respect that person), or how 4s can really benefit from someone close to them reminding them of the outside world when they're lost in indulging their dramatic emotions for weeks; or at least making them laugh & not "going along with it" while secretly thinking, "this person is crazy." From my experience with core-4s, as well as my personal experience with a 4 wing and fix, I can easily say that 'appeasing a 4' won't work. Be honest!!
I'm a 5-8-4 so I'll speak about my own fixes.. I don't want to call out other types :D but the trend is, the enneagram is here to show us our core fears and hidden motives, and help us to fix ourselves so that we can overcome our own barriers & get along better in the world. Indulging our barriers won't help that. I don't have a billion friends but the ones I do have are the ones who deal with me in a straight-forward manner and don't let me wallow in my own mistakes. Likewise, they are the ones who will appreciate my honest perspective if I feel they are getting in the way of their own goals.
Of course - this has to come from a good friend!!! If a stranger said any of this stuff to me, I'd be beyond annoyed. :p
Thanks for pointing that out and helping make that clear.
- stand up for yourself... And me.
- be confident, strong, and direct.
- don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
- be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
- give me space to be alone.
- acknowledge the contributions i make, but don't flatter me.
- i often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
- when i scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way i am.
- I don't know about someone standing up for me (as my ego takes over) but standing up for yourself is a quick way to earn my respect. I don't like seeing people being treated like a doormat, and have no problem coming to their aid; but that will establish a "protector"/"protected" relationship, which could turn toxic real quick.
- This is the quickest way for me to see you as an equal.
- Yes, Yes, yes!! Gossip and betrayal are the quickest ways to get you shoved towards the "exit" of my personal life.
- Yep! This will continue the growth of our relationship
- Unfortunately, this is a very essential thing for me, and I will retaliate if I have any distractions when I need my alone time. Don't take it personally, it's necessary and nothing against you; it's something that helps me keep grounded.
- Yeah, over flattering is a HUGE turn off to me. I don't do things in expectation of being crowned over them; I do them to show my love and appreciation, and that's that.
- If my tone of voice is too much; say something, calmly, and I'll try and reel myself in (unless I REALLY feel that will help me express myself/ get a point across)
- Exactly! It's just the way I feel most comfortable expressing myself. Don't give me fuel; just let me vent and I'll eventually run out of steam.
If I thought my parents would take the Enneagram seriously, I'd print this out to give to them, lol. But, I'll just keep the list for their respective types and try to work with that. haha.
My type's request list was very true for myself, with some added requests from other lists, depending upon situation.