Enneagram Instinctual Variant & Pair Bonding: Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives - Page 4

Enneagram Instinctual Variant & Pair Bonding: Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives

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This is a discussion on Enneagram Instinctual Variant & Pair Bonding: Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives within the Articles forums, part of the Announcements category; I don't fit in any of these little boxes. Was married for 28 years, child bride - not really but ...

  1. #31

    I don't fit in any of these little boxes. Was married for 28 years, child bride - not really but you get the gist. Am now just trying to to figure out how to just be - is there a sexual / sexual? I get bored and as ENTP, am finding most men cannot take a joke. I am drawn to the aloof introverts. I cannot find a good match. Sex is fun but sometimes a girl just wants to have a nice heated conversation/exchange of ideas.
    Lady O.W. Bro thanked this post.

  2. #32

    Quote Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast View Post
    Self-preserving moves to Sexual
    For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.
    I've been thinking about this right here....I don't like this... people who are normally "sp" people turn and act like "sx" people...

    ....they'll just resort back to their routines

    What do you do when you end up paired with an "sx type"

    once things settle you won't be half as interested as the sx type when it comes to one on one time >.> you just won't need it as much I guess....you're more in to your own thing...routines and stuff >.>

    So I feel like all you "sp" people need to just be your selves....so you don't confuse us "sx" types in to thinking you're like us in this area....and so you don't end up with someone that needs more one on one time then you're willing to commit too.

  3. #33

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightlilly View Post
    I've been thinking about this right here....I don't like this... people who are normally "sp" people turn and act like "sx" people...

    ....they'll just resort back to their routines

    What do you do when you end up paired with an "sx type"

    once things settle you won't be half as interested as the sx type when it comes to one on one time >.> you just won't need it as much I guess....you're more in to your own thing...routines and stuff >.>

    So I feel like all you "sp" people need to just be your selves....so you don't confuse us "sx" types in to thinking you're like us in this area....and so you don't end up with someone that needs more one on one time then you're willing to commit too.
    Yes, that can be a bit hard for the sx in sp/sx relationships, the so in sx/so relationships, and the sp in so/sp relationships. That's one of the reasons why they say that having the same dominant instinctual variant is one of the 5 factors in compatibility. But that's what this article is for, to help raise awareness of the differences that exist and how to overcome them. :)
    Lady Lullaby thanked this post.

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  5. #34

    wel, now l'm just confused about my variants. l thought l was sx/sp but l could be sp shifting to sx...
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  6. #35

    I am sx/sp and definitely see the pattern for myself. I was more engaged in socializing when looking for my partner. And afterwards was happy to be on our own little island all alone. I married an sp/sx and he definitely followed that pattern too. He gave me amazing one on one attention, quality time and we became attached fairly quickly. We've been married over a decade now and we are aware of one another's needs (mine for intimate connection, his for autonomy, space, and routines) and we do our best to meet and respect one another's needs, but we did have to go through the 'honeymoon is over' phase to get there. This was fun to read. Thank you.
    MBTI Enthusiast and Aquamarine thanked this post.

  7. #36

    Quote Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast
    Self-preserving moves to Sexual
    For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.
    This is very interesting. I've typed myself as sx, but lately I've began to think I might be sp first. This sp -> sx would mean I'm stuck in a loophole: I want a mate so I turn on the sx mode, but when I get him and things start getting too intimate (like feelings and stuff, yuck :P) I raise a wall and escape. Once free, I shift to sx again and the cycle of flirt-bang-run repeats itself.

    Also, if this is true, sx -> so would eliminate sx first for me; I was never actively going out to search for a date, the idea that my mate is somewhere among all those other people has always been pretty alien to me, although I know it's completely unreasonable to think so, both objectively and from my own experience.
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  8. #37

    [I]Self-preserving moves to Sexual
    For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. [B]Self-preserving moves to Sexual
    For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.

    Social moves to Self-Preserving
    The social subtype will think in terms more indicative of the self-preserving subtype when selecting a mate. This is very important to insure the desired security that rank and social status can provide. The social subtype seeks a mate with a shared social vision and similar values. This is necessary to fulfill the desire for a mate that will join them in their activities. Therefore, a secure social position is essential. Much attention is paid to the potential mate's connections, rank and ability to provide financial security. This subtype enjoys bringing others together, feeling that 'the more the merrier'. They are often adept at creating the center stage and often use their home for social events, gatherings and causes. At first the social subtype will spend more time one on one with the potential mate. Once the mate is in place, the social subtype will return to outside interests, groups and/or activities, ideally, this is with their mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their need for people, activities, causes and unwilling to share their interest in others.

    Sexual moves to Social
    The sexual subtype (one on one) will seek the greater world or social arena to find a desired mate. The sexual subtype is normally happy tucked away in a secluded setting with one significant other. However, when alone or in search of a mate, this subtype will behave much more like the social subtype. One must be with others to find 'the other'. Once the mate is selected, the social activity will be replaced by the dominant drive for time spent in union with the other one on one. At first the sexual subtype may spend time with the potential mate in the company of others. They become a pair even in groups. Then when the passion for deeper connection is ignited the sexual subtype will want to bond totally with their desired other. When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts."


    Yeah, I seem to fit the sx subtype thingy the most~
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  9. #38

    :)
    Echoe thanked this post.

  10. #39

    How would an SP/SO move to SX if SX is their weakest instinct?

  11. #40

    Sexual moves to Social
    The sexual subtype (one on one) will seek the greater world or social arena to find a desired mate. The sexual subtype is normally happy tucked away in a secluded setting with one significant other. However, when alone or in search of a mate, this subtype will behave much more like the social subtype. One must be with others to find 'the other'. Once the mate is selected, the social activity will be replaced by the dominant drive for time spent in union with the other one on one. At first the sexual subtype may spend time with the potential mate in the company of others. They become a pair even in groups. Then when the passion for deeper connection is ignited the sexual subtype will want to bond totally with their desired other. When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts."


    I definitely relate to this to the point where it was NEUROTIC, being a 9 doesn't help. LOL

    When I was single I would always fantasize about finding a mate and what it would be like. I had a highly idealized image of love in my mind, which was shattered (parts of it) later on in life because I realized that my idealizations were based on self-lacking...etc...(talk more about it in another post)

    BUT my sister and I created an online dating profile for FUN because she was broken hearted at the time and I thought it would be good for her to go out and meet some new people, seriously or just for fun. SO we both created profiles and started looking around.

    At first I would see people maybe once a week. I am not a fan of just talking online - I need one on one contact in order to know if I am wasting my time or not!! LOL - easier process of elimination, through the examination of energy.

    BUT after a while I became addicted. Would smoke and just scroll through men for hours. Started treating each profile like an object rather than each an individual person. Started meeting people more often. Every day.

    Sometimes I would even meet a few people in a day. BTW it is good to note I only went on second dates with 2-3 of the maybe 35 people I met. (I soon quit this addiction)

    My Ne went wild with all the possible mates I could obtain, size up, new stimuli,.... But it was at some point where I met my BF of now 2+ years and stopped going on the site.

    At that time I was just dating one other guy. He wasn't happy with that after a while (INTJ) and wanted to be monogamous... Now my story is becoming long winded...

    Back to the instinctual variants... I definitely extended my social sphere to a point where I would have great anxiety doing it now. It is a mental phase shift. I was in a totally different state of mind at that time. The part I DO NOT agree with would have to be the us together hanging with others in a larger social setting....

    I get really uncomfortable when we are with others, because there is too much going on and I don't know where to direct my attention... SO - I try to keep my friends and my relationship in different domains (not to mention most my friends find him irritating) , but sometimes these domains intermix and interesting things occur...


     
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