Enneagram Instinctual Variant & Pair Bonding: Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives - Page 5

Enneagram Instinctual Variant & Pair Bonding: Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives

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This is a discussion on Enneagram Instinctual Variant & Pair Bonding: Interrelationship of Instinctual Drives within the Articles forums, part of the Announcements category; Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast Yeah, I'm not sure. I haven't seen any studies thus far linking MBTI to the ...

  1. #41

    Quote Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast View Post
    Yeah, I'm not sure. I haven't seen any studies thus far linking MBTI to the stackings. Most people think that introverts are never social doms, but Type 5s are definitely one of the exceptions. Social 5s are one of the more common types that I've seen and most 5s are indeed introverted. The subtypes do take on a different flair for each type, so sometimes it's hard to generalize them. But I assume the OP theory works no matter whether a person is introverted or extroverted.

    Check out the so 5 description, for example:


    (Source)
    Hmmm . . . interesting. I do enjoy interacting with other people; as long as I get my alone time and things never get too intense.

    Social moves to Self-Preserving
    The social subtype will think in terms more indicative of the self-preserving subtype when selecting a mate. This is very important to insure the desired security that rank and social status can provide. The social subtype seeks a mate with a shared social vision and similar values. This is necessary to fulfill the desire for a mate that will join them in their activities. Therefore, a secure social position is essential. Much attention is paid to the potential mate's connections, rank and ability to provide financial security. This subtype enjoys bringing others together, feeling that 'the more the merrier'. They are often adept at creating the center stage and often use their home for social events, gatherings and causes. At first the social subtype will spend more time one on one with the potential mate. Once the mate is in place, the social subtype will return to outside interests, groups and/or activities, ideally, this is with their mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their need for people, activities, causes and unwilling to share their interest in others.
    I can definitely relate to this. I like to go places but not by myself; so my ideal partner would accompany me in my fields of interests.
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  2. #42

    Yes, the sexual needs to go out and cull from the herd so to speak to find the one... ;))

  3. #43

    Quote Originally Posted by mathildadock View Post
    I don't fit in any of these little boxes. Was married for 28 years, child bride - not really but you get the gist. Am now just trying to to figure out how to just be - is there a sexual / sexual? I get bored and as ENTP, am finding most men cannot take a joke. I am drawn to the aloof introverts. I cannot find a good match. Sex is fun but sometimes a girl just wants to have a nice heated conversation/exchange of ideas.
    I hear that. I'm an ENTP, and a 5w6 So/Sx/Sp 584. I always felt somehow not "right" because I didn't present the commonly assumed introversion of the 5. I am very outgoing when I choose to be. I have no great fears of being in front of an audience, or the middle of a crowd, but I also have a capacity to spend time alone without much concern also.

    I found myself completely and totally in love with an ISTJ, 8w7, Sp/Sx/So 863. She keeps me on my toes. So I don't really think it matters how young or old you might be, there's someone out there who has the right mix of chemistry, temperament, personality, and instincts, to keep things exciting on a number of levels.
    Athena thanked this post.

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  5. #44

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonny View Post
    As a So/Sx, I really don't relate to the Social moves to Self-Preserving. I relate more to the Sexual moves to Social, I presume that is because of the Sx-So combination.

    I don't care about "the desired security that rank and social status can provide".
    I don't care about "a shared social vision".
    I don't need a mate to join me in social activities.
    This statement "Much attention is paid to the potential mate's connections, rank and ability to provide financial security" would be more me if everything about it was inverse.
    And I do not "use [my] home for social events, gatherings and causes".

    The only things that I could work with are:
    I do care about similar values, at least as much as needed to be compatible.
    I do tend to spend more time with a potential mate one-on-one than I would otherwise need, and I do want to return to outside interests, groups and/or activities when involved with someone.
    I'm So/Sx as well, and I don't relate so well to the OP either. I enjoy finding cooperative ways of getting things done in a "win/win" sort of way. I truly enjoy being part of something bigger than myself: a bigger world. My mate is Sp/Sx, and I think that distinction is important. Her instincts make our home a safe, warm, comfortable, place to be, and my instincts help us navigate the world outside of our home. I don't care about social rank, per-se, but I do like to get out and socialize at least once a week with friends, and the opportunity to meet new and interesting people always piques my interest. I cherish new perspectives to add to my own.
    Sonny thanked this post.

  6. #45

    Hmm..somewhat makes sense, especially the need to spend one on one time and "When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts."

    Being an introvert though I am not really going that extra mile to -look for- a mate, I actually thought this was sx/sp behavior. I am never in search of a mate although always being too romantic and hoping to find -the one-. (What a great combination right?) Say I am not moved by many and I usually turn down people if I don't feel that person is -special- (which never happens really). I need to feel sparks and such.

    With other types, I can relate it to some people I know so much but I don't know their variants.
    Animal and Nephilibata thanked this post.

  7. #46

    I completely relate to the Sexual moves to Social. I know this has been said elsewhere, but I think instinctual variant stacking are a far stronger predictor of relationship success than Myers-Briggs. Its one thing to read something that makes sense; its another thing altogether to live it and see it in action. I'm at the end of a relationship (for real this time lol) where our instinctual variants are in direct conflict. Our MBTI isn't an easy story either, but I don't feel that is a deal-breaker, just a little more work. The instinctual variants get right to the heart of why he never trusts me and why I feel like he never understands me - and it will never change. The sad thing to me is that most people don't need to study this theory to ensure they are in the right relation ship...you get subtle red flags all the time and most people are good at reading them and moving on. I am not. I over-analyze and justify everything, so I can see anything working out if I only find the right key. Its embarrassing when friends, family, mental professionals and even people on this website have all told me that I am not in a compatible relationship, and yet I kept trying. It wasn't until I discovered the instinctual variant conflict that I realized this was doomed before the start. On the bright side, this has allowed me to move on, mentally, which means I can separate without the ensuing anxiety that usually drives me back.


    From this site, I found this information about my current relationship, and it is 100% accurate:



    Incompatible Partners
    If paired with someone without the Secure Instinct, they will feel unable to fully trust their partner. Their partner may appear disloyal to them, even when the partner had no such intentions. Likewise, they may feel that the partner is too invasive, or demands too much interaction. Meanwhile, incompatible partners will feel that Secure-Socials have an inner core that can never be penetrated, or that they are unwilling to fully put themselves into the relationship. The former may also feel that the relationship lacks vigor and that the Secure-Social lacks affection.
    Fern and stargazing grasshopper thanked this post.

  8. #47

    Quote Originally Posted by Athena View Post
    I completely relate to the Sexual moves to Social. I know this has been said elsewhere, but I think instinctual variant stacking are a far stronger predictor of relationship success than Myers-Briggs. Its one thing to read something that makes sense; its another thing altogether to live it and see it in action. I'm at the end of a relationship (for real this time lol) where our instinctual variants are in direct conflict. Our MBTI isn't an easy story either, but I don't feel that is a deal-breaker, just a little more work. The instinctual variants get right to the heart of why he never trusts me and why I feel like he never understands me - and it will never change. The sad thing to me is that most people don't need to study this theory to ensure they are in the right relation ship...you get subtle red flags all the time and most people are good at reading them and moving on. I am not. I over-analyze and justify everything, so I can see anything working out if I only find the right key. Its embarrassing when friends, family, mental professionals and even people on this website have all told me that I am not in a compatible relationship, and yet I kept trying. It wasn't until I discovered the instinctual variant conflict that I realized this was doomed before the start. On the bright side, this has allowed me to move on, mentally, which means I can separate without the ensuing anxiety that usually drives me back.


    From this site, I found this information about my current relationship, and it is 100% accurate:



    Incompatible Partners
    If paired with someone without the Secure Instinct, they will feel unable to fully trust their partner. Their partner may appear disloyal to them, even when the partner had no such intentions. Likewise, they may feel that the partner is too invasive, or demands too much interaction. Meanwhile, incompatible partners will feel that Secure-Socials have an inner core that can never be penetrated, or that they are unwilling to fully put themselves into the relationship. The former may also feel that the relationship lacks vigor and that the Secure-Social lacks affection.
    I'm a sx/sp dating a sp/sx but I still identify with this PROFOUNDLY.

    So this is why he's so hard to trust :/ I didn't know if the issue was with me or with him but now I see the trouble lies in our innate personality!!

  9. #48

    Quote Originally Posted by Fern View Post
    I'm a sx/sp dating a sp/sx but I still identify with this PROFOUNDLY.

    So this is why he's so hard to trust :/ I didn't know if the issue was with me or with him but now I see the trouble lies in our innate personality!!
    That is very interesting. According to the link I posted, you should be compatible. I'm sx/so and my SO is sp/so. We feel alien to each other.

  10. #49

    Quote Originally Posted by nichya View Post
    Hmm..somewhat makes sense, especially the need to spend one on one time and "When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts."

    Being an introvert though I am not really going that extra mile to -look for- a mate, I actually thought this was sx/sp behavior. I am never in search of a mate although always being too romantic and hoping to find -the one-. (What a great combination right?) Say I am not moved by many and I usually turn down people if I don't feel that person is -special- (which never happens really). I need to feel sparks and such.

    With other types, I can relate it to some people I know so much but I don't know their variants.
    I'm exactly like this. I've never looked for a mate. When I'm by myself I'm focused on my projects and content, hoping in the back of my mind that one day I'll find the one, but putting all my energy into music and writing. But when I zero in on someone they become my whole world, even if we aren't together. All of my attention gets drawn to this person. It's so intense that I often resist it at first and try to convince myself I don't really want this person. Once it takes me over..it's almost too much. It's hard to focus on anything else.
    planetanarchy, nichya and Nephilibata thanked this post.

  11. #50

    Quote Originally Posted by Animal View Post
    But when I zero in on someone they become my whole world, even if we aren't together. All of my attention gets drawn to this person. It's so intense that I often resist it at first and try to convince myself I don't really want this person. Once it takes me over..it's almost too much. It's hard to focus on anything else.
    Exactly, to the point it scares me and captivates me but also feels so good
    Animal and Nephilibata thanked this post.


     
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