I'm 4-1-5. I don't agree that fours "want to be different" as the stereotype goes. We want to personally understand who we are when left detached from societal conditioning, but we often end up neurotic bc the modern civilized world has become averse to true self-searching. The "be yourself" of the modern world is more of a "run on autopilot regardless of how much culture sways your actions". Be how you've become, rather than become how you would be if it were just you.
We really want to be ourselves.
Personally, I've had the freedom of self-discovery because of a very permissive mother. So I'm not a hopeless romantic whose never satisfied.
4s end up that way NOT because they don't want what they know (the familiar), but because they don't know what they want, and question the authenticity of their convictions until they've gotten to know themselves.
We end up seeming romantic and contrarian because we're self-referential to the extreme. If we found more relateable modes of communication, and utilized more colloquialisms and shorthand, we'd probably just come across as unintentionally vague rather than intentionally maverick.
The 1(w9) driven by a 4w5 makes me take on the "ethical" thing from an esoteric (ethic learned from within, not without) standpoint, so... my self-searching has a "gut" conviction packaged in: To know myself in order to know how to control myself in order to make more secure connections with others and act in an empathic way.
If all 4s were romantic, I'd forego all that Other-oriented stuff and drown in myself. The hopeless romantic is an UNHEALTHY 4.
We have intellects and convictions, too. We can find ourselves and use that knowledge to better see what we have in common with others.
I'm happier now in discovering that some aspects of my "true self" is not that special. When left to my own devices, I still ended up loving Ariana Grande and reality TV.
I don't shun that because I know I truly like her voice for acoustic/psychological reasons, and I'm not going to convince myself to dismiss my basicness just because it coincides with the status quo.
A true non-conformist likes what they like bc they like it. A conformist likes what others like bc others like it.
A "non-conformist" (who like something bc other people don't know it or don't like it) are still basing their actions and attitudes on *other people*.
A truly contrarian personality is actually paradoxically conformist.
I have deep fringe gnostic beliefs and an abstract, alien internal dialogue.
I love shouting FIND YO MAMA GET YO LIFE and doing Whitney Houston impersonations.
I love the parts of me that are alien, and I love the parts that are basic. Because "alien" and "basic" are only used to describe Who I Really Am compared to others.
If you find yourself and understand yourself, even in a melancholic, painful angsty struggle along the way... and you come to love that self, you aren't hopeless and you don't avoid the ordinary
You like what you like and don't get attached to relative descriptors like "ordinary" or "weird". You just like it and know when, and when NOT, you're being true to yourself.