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Why I Would Never Date Based on MBTI

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This is a discussion on Why I Would Never Date Based on MBTI within the Articles forums, part of the Announcements category; Originally Posted by MuChApArAdOx MBTI is a tool only. Just like other tools we have in our life. If i'm ...

  1. #31

    Quote Originally Posted by MuChApArAdOx View Post
    MBTI is a tool only. Just like other tools we have in our life. If i'm trying to fix something around my home, i may need a particular tool to get the job done, although that doesn't mean i can't find another tool to do the same thing. It may be harder, although the end result is the same.....


    So why would i choose a mate of a particular type counting on them all being the same breed. That's just silly.
    Very well said.

    I hate to sound like i'm invalidating the reasons for this thread, but the whole thing strikes me as a semantic debate, as making a mountain of a molehill. I wouldn't "date based on MBTI" (if i chose to date at all) in the sense of weeding out candidates a priori.

    ("I'm very sorry. You seem like a very godly woman, and we have tons in common, but you're ESTP, and that's three letters different. Good luck!")

    Obviously, if the MBTI is anything more than a smart person's horoscope, it reflects some underlying reality. As such, if i find myself attracted to a mate who is very different than i am, we would be wise to anticipate issues that might come up and assess each other's ability to deal with those issues in a compatible way. There are marvelous SJs who get this and can be very complementary to NFs in marriage, and vice versa, but frankly it's hard enough to suggest that you should be really careful before jumping in.

    But that's true of any romantic relationship IMO....

  2. #32

    Quote Originally Posted by CynicallyNaive View Post
    Very well said.

    I hate to sound like i'm invalidating the reasons for this thread, but the whole thing strikes me as a semantic debate, as making a mountain of a molehill. I wouldn't "date based on MBTI" (if i chose to date at all) in the sense of weeding out candidates a priori.
    I'm not sure how you would be invalidating the reasons for this thread? I don't weed out people based on MBTI, and I don't like to give privilege to certain types just because of some magical solution. I've done most of the "magical matches" and I didn't know it at the time. I'm attracted to whom I am attracted. That's how it usually works for me irl. Most of the people I'm attracted to are somewhat "evolved" of their type anyway.


    Obviously, if the MBTI is anything more than a smart person's horoscope, it reflects some underlying reality.
    It could, however, most of the therapists I know don't use MBTI in individual counseling. But I really do think it's a great short hand way to help in the career field and may be useful in some relationships. I have heard of it introduced in couples counseling.

    As such, if i find myself attracted to a mate who is very different than i am, we would be wise to anticipate issues that might come up and assess each other's ability to deal with those issues in a compatible way. There are marvelous SJs who get this and can be very complementary to NFs in marriage, and vice versa, but frankly it's hard enough to suggest that you should be really careful before jumping in.
    I'm not sure I understand what you are saying in this last part of the sentence. Could you please clarify?

    Once again, I do think it can be a useful tool to help understand someone once you are in a relationship. However, if used dogmatically it might also stigmatize and create further misunderstandings within the relationship. Also, I would be careful of analyzing things in such a way like "Oh he is just a thinker/feeler and that is why he is doing this..." Sometimes your partner is just being an ass and it has nothing to do with his/her type. Also abusive people can come in all shapes, sizes, and types.
    Last edited by pinkrasputin; 04-15-2011 at 11:33 AM.

  3. #33

    ("I'm very sorry. You seem like a very godly woman, and we have tons in common, but you're ESTP, and that's three letters different. Good luck!")
    @CynicallyNaive
    No, i'm not even close to an ESTP. So you read one posting and think you know who i am. Please, let me laugh :D Just because i have a brain and can think very well, doesn't make me a thinker, opposed to a feeler. The only person who can tell me who i am is me, but thanks for trying to fix me :D Are you sure you're an INFP, sounds more like an INFJ to me. Now run along newbie, educate yourself a bit more before trying to fix people. No need to be sorry for me, i know who i am.
    Eye of the Potato thanked this post.

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  5. #34

    Quote Originally Posted by MuChApArAdOx View Post
    ("I'm very sorry. You seem like a very godly woman, and we have tons in common, but you're ESTP, and that's three letters different. Good luck!")
    @CynicallyNaive
    No, i'm not even close to an ESTP. So you read one posting and think you know who i am. Please, let me laugh :D
    Apparently i need to work on my ability to convey my thoughts through typography. I was envisioning a conversation in my brain with a hypothetical ESTP woman i might fall in love with, but feel obligated to avoid pursuing because of her type.

    Sorry for the confusion, but glad it served for some amusement at least. :)
    Eye of the Potato and armika_armika thanked this post.

  6. #35

    Quote Originally Posted by CynicallyNaive View Post
    Apparently i need to work on my ability to convey my thoughts through typography. I was envisioning a conversation in my brain with a hypothetical ESTP woman i might fall in love with, but feel obligated to avoid pursuing because of her type.

    Sorry for the confusion, but glad it served for some amusement at least. :)
    @CynicallyNaive
    Yes, i was amused, for sure. ENFP are diverse, we can be thinkers, feelers, rational, logical, hypothetical and any other way we choose for any given reason. This is why we're so hard to detect. Apology accepted, i was never confused, you were.
    NYEnglishRose thanked this post.

  7. #36

    I agree type shouldn't be used to discount someone. I do have to say chances are pretty high that I'd end up with an N though. And I do find myself quite attracted to ENFP's and ENTP's.
    pinkrasputin and NYEnglishRose thanked this post.

  8. #37

    Wow. I've just read that we fall in love with our perceptions of people. Doesn't have to mean that they are accurate perceptions either. And that is why you will often hear people say "I thought they were so different...". I have to chew on this one for a while now and see how it all fits.
    Indigo Aria, MuChApArAdOx, Invidia and 3 others thanked this post.

  9. #38

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkrasputin View Post
    Wow. I've just read that we fall in love with our perceptions of people. Doesn't have to mean that they are accurate perceptions either. And that is why you will often hear people say "I thought they were so different...". I have to chew on this one for a while now and see how it all fits.
    Yet another one of those things that I have thought for a long time that you (or sometimes ETG) put into words for me. I realized within the last year and a half or so that my impressions of people are usually incredibly wrong. The last two friends I've made were a result of consciously dropping all of my preconceptions about them. They have been the two best friends I've ever had. Coincidence? Maybe, but I'd like to think not. One is a crazy stoner ENTP that I first thought was a loser ISTJ workaholic. The other is a raging feminist ENFP that I first thought was a typical barbie girl posing as "artsy". It's amazing how dropping my perceptions has changed my life in just a short while.
    Stolen and CynicallyNaive thanked this post.

  10. #39

    Quote Originally Posted by TheLuckyOne View Post
    Yet another one of those things that I have thought for a long time that you (or sometimes ETG) put into words for me. I realized within the last year and a half or so that my impressions of people are usually incredibly wrong. The last two friends I've made were a result of consciously dropping all of my preconceptions about them. They have been the two best friends I've ever had. Coincidence? Maybe, but I'd like to think not. One is a crazy stoner ENTP that I first thought was a loser ISTJ workaholic. The other is a raging feminist ENFP that I first thought was a typical barbie girl posing as "artsy". It's amazing how dropping my perceptions has changed my life in just a short while.
    You do know that you're feeding my über-typist stereotypes about how we NFs are so much better at reading people than everybody else, yes? :D

    Just kidding ya. You do always need to be careful about judging people too quickly. I'm actually of the mind that neutral, non-hurtful stereotypes are a necessary evil, but it takes wisdom to hold on loosely to them and be open to abandoning them in the face of contrary data. So congrats on becoming wise!

  11. #40

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkrasputin View Post
    Wow. I've just read that we fall in love with our perceptions of people. Doesn't have to mean that they are accurate perceptions either. And that is why you will often hear people say "I thought they were so different...". I have to chew on this one for a while now and see how it all fits.
    Right on the money. We fall in love with the vision/perception/ idea of what we think things are, how they should be. For ex: i told someone not long ago that they crushed my ideal of who they were...they initially appeared one way, ended up being another. Maybe this isn't what your saying, although if it is i can relate.


     
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