Sublimation - The First Cut
by, 06-23-2017 at 02:58 PM (278 Views)
The nurse was right.
I'm depressed enough to feel like it doesn't matter, that taking medication or exercise really doesn't matter, so why bother trying it anyway?
I'm depressed enough to think that the world is too big and corrupt and that nothing you do to make it better will matter and that the psychopaths running it are much more powerful anyway, so why not join them instead of beat them?
I'm in a glass cage/a specimen in a glass case to pin down and be looked at and be judged for making mistakes, for being too soft, for using the present tense instead of the conditional, for being told that you don't pay enough attention to others, that the job you're interested in will be automatised in twenty years anyway.
Everyone else is busy. I'm not.
I wonder if it's possible to die from lack of love, lack of not looking, lack of not being appreciated. If you're beautiful but considered just average or if you're told to not look like someone you want to look like, where will you go? How will you change? How will you grow?
I think I'm losing myself. I think I'm becoming untouchable, invisible. I have no desire to live life, skimming the surface, browsing through, logging out.
This is unhealthy. This situation is unhealthy, this relationship is unhealthy, and I just have no idea how to get out.
Silence. Pitch black. Lights out.