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koalamort

Sublimation - The First Cut

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by , 06-23-2017 at 01:58 PM (245 Views)
The nurse was right.

I'm depressed.

I'm depressed enough to feel like it doesn't matter, that taking medication or exercise really doesn't matter, so why bother trying it anyway?

I'm depressed enough to think that the world is too big and corrupt and that nothing you do to make it better will matter and that the psychopaths running it are much more powerful anyway, so why not join them instead of beat them?

I'm in a glass cage/a specimen in a glass case to pin down and be looked at and be judged for making mistakes, for being too soft, for using the present tense instead of the conditional, for being told that you don't pay enough attention to others, that the job you're interested in will be automatised in twenty years anyway.

Everyone else is busy. I'm not.

I wonder if it's possible to die from lack of love, lack of not looking, lack of not being appreciated. If you're beautiful but considered just average or if you're told to not look like someone you want to look like, where will you go? How will you change? How will you grow?

I think I'm losing myself. I think I'm becoming untouchable, invisible. I have no desire to live life, skimming the surface, browsing through, logging out.

This is unhealthy. This situation is unhealthy, this relationship is unhealthy, and I just have no idea how to get out.

Silence. Pitch black. Lights out.

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Comments

  1. IntrovertMadness's Avatar
    the elites running the world are spiritual dead individuals. they are not happy. Also we are chemicals and chemicals change. we as humans need purpose in are lives to feel fulfilled. the key is to live in the moment friend. exercise and meditation and a healthy diet does wonders for that. keep those things up and you will start noticing a better mental well being coming over you with time. I understand where you are coming from tho. I struggle with that mind-state as well. it gets better tho.
    koalamort thanked this post.
  2. koalamort's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by IntrovertMadness
    the elites running the world are spiritual dead individuals. they are not happy. Also we are chemicals and chemicals change. we as humans need purpose in are lives to feel fulfilled. the key is to live in the moment friend. exercise and meditation and a healthy diet does wonders for that. keep those things up and you will start noticing a better mental well being coming over you with time. I understand where you are coming from tho. I struggle with that mind-state as well. it gets better tho.
    Thanks for having replied. Back to my workout then I suppose. :)
  3. l0stinspace's Avatar
    Whoa, you sound like me being in my own constant turmoil. It's hell.
    What's the point of all this? to make your life more tolerable until you die I guess.

    You're cynical and it's a normal reaction to this world, very normal. Especially if you had past traumas with people. But I know cynicism varies with the mood, so just try to remember that when you have a cynical crisis, it will eventually pass. Yes the world is full of sh*t but cynicism can blind and has to do with one's mindstate more than reality itself.

    I suggest you to read "The Black Swan" book and other Taleb books, it has a very interesting view on reality and how we are trapped of trying to see it hard as predictable to us... if you can focus to read a book atleast. It sounds like a great book, too bad I can't focus to read it and others to the end.

    And please, be very careful of the "know it all" mentality. What we know is very little for what there is. You'll get what I mean once you read few informative books on life, psychology, nature and philosophy. I know even this may be damn hard for you but try when you feel like it atleast.
  4. David Spookes's Avatar
    I've felt this way before too.. I'll keep it short and simple and say that you definitely aren't alone in this world. Maybe you need to search for answers somewhere else besides where the rest of the world does. Just something to think about. Life is worth living. Stay strong
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