Naked Nancy at the Donut Shop
by, 08-04-2019 at 06:16 PM (242 Views)
"You can buy a half a dozen glazed donuts and cut them into quarters," said the shopkeeper.
But it was too late, and Nancy was pissed. Once she started to get frustrated, there was no talking her out of it. Wheels had been set in motion. All of a sudden, amid the coffee and apple fritters, the glazed old-fashioneds and the maple bars with custard, the elders who sat in the shop reading their newspapers every morning were treated to a dazzling sight: Naked Nancy's naked, naked, naked body.
"Holes!" she roared. "Holes!!! Do you know what they are? I'll show you what a fucking HOLE is, you fucking ASSHOLES!!!"
With that, Naked Nancy scrambled up onto the counter, stomped up and down in front of the elderly men who were simply there minding their own business, kicked over a lady's lukewarm coffee onto the floor, and showed them the ugliest, baldest pussy you've ever seen.
It looked like one of those sphynx cats.
"Okay, okay, miss," said one brave old man. (He was a WWII veteran and had seen all kinds of pussy in France. He had no fears left in him anymore.) "Holes. You got 'em." And with that, he winked at the shopkeeper, pulled out a crispy $50 bill and dropped it in the tip jar.
But the shopkeeper had other ideas. "Get out of my shop!" screamed the scandalized shopkeeper. "Get out!!!!!"
Naked Nancy started to cry. "I just wanted donut holes," explained Nancy.
The shopkeeper called the police. The police usually parked at the other donut shop, because it had a parking lot, and better donuts.
Mike the Cop strutted right in like he knew the place. In fact, he had been raised there; it was this very shop to which his grandparents used to bring him to get a raspberry jelly donut & a carton of milk. Mike was right at home here.
"What seems to be the problem," Mike drawled.
"Well, you see," reasoned the WWII vet, "this naked lady simply wanted to come here on a nice Sunday morning for some donut holes."
"I see," Rookie Mike folded his arms, trying to look like a serious, professional, & seasoned cop.
"She can't be naked in here," the shopkeeper emphatically stated. "I have a business to run."
"Give me two raspberry jelly donuts, a cup of coffee, & a carton of milk," Mike smiled, changing the subject.
The shopkeeper fulfilled his order & put it on Mike's running tab. It was illegal in this town for donut shops to give freebies to cops, but they got around this by keeping a tab, and around the holiday season a generous person would always go around paying the cops' tabs.
Naked Nancy, angry that she was losing her audience, grabbed Mike's donuts & stuffed them in her angry holes. Then she grabbed the cup of coffee right out of his hands, poured it over his balding head, & screamed, "Fuck you all!!! Fuck all of your skanky donuts!!! FUCK the president, fuck Nixon, and fuck all of your fucking donut holes. I'm gonna sue you!!! I'm gonna fucking sue your pants off!!!"
Remarkably, at that very moment, Mike's pants actually did split, & his underwear showed out the back. This didn't prevent him from heroically hauling Naked Nancy out to the ambulance, where she was treated for shock caused by all the jelly donuts filling her private holes. Nancy survived the ordeal, and to this very day, she can be encountered attacking negligent shopkeepers for pissing her off.