How Are Dom Fi and Inf. Fe Social Problems Different?

How Are Dom Fi and Inf. Fe Social Problems Different?

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  • 1 Post By psyche

This is a discussion on How Are Dom Fi and Inf. Fe Social Problems Different? within the Cognitive Functions forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; If you have an understanding of this whether it be through your own personal experiences (first person, third person) or ...

  1. #1

    How Are Dom Fi and Inf. Fe Social Problems Different?

    If you have an understanding of this whether it be through your own personal experiences (first person, third person) or a theoretical basis, let us know

  2. #2

    From personal experience:

    I'm usually very aware of the feelings in the room, but I certainly don't know my own until it's too late (my semi-annual Fe explosions, yay!). Once more, I just don't know how to respond to others personal thoughts and feelings, and usually address them by offering solutions, steering the conversation somewhere else, or simply ignoring them entirely (since addressing them distracts from actual content). In the case of others' outright outbursts, I have the tendency to internally panic. In any case, I consider feelings a useful temperature gauge of someone's physical and emotional state and an essential baseline. However, I wouldn't consider them a reliable enough measure for making final decisions.

    I have INTJ and ESFP sisters, but I think each has strong enough Fi to provide a contrast. Here's a few differences.

    1) Both get along with others better than I do and often appear more social, but I have stronger insight behind human motivations. Both can be just as awkward with others, but relate easily with people on an individual level. In situations where people don't do what they said they would/anger her in some way, INTJ sister usually gets pissed off and confused. I usually piece it together after some retelling, or even predict it following a few interactions.

    2) Intensity and direction of feeling. During conflict, both are convinced only they can be right. Everyone else's reasoning is stupid. In the case of ESFP specifically, everyone is stupid and against her. In the case of INTJ, stupid and illogical. It has made for some very awkward car trips home. Both absolutely won't budge on beliefs they holds, will brood for a bit, and, at times, seem like they're inviting conflict by refusing to keep silent/compromise for peace. INTJ tends to be far more stubborn and does it longer.

    Though I'm conflict avoidant, if conflict has to arise, it doesn't bother me as often or as intensely. I'll often consider other beliefs during an argument, and only truly get upset if the other person is literally ignoring reason. In that case, I often stop talking because it isn't worth the effort, or even walk away.

    My social problems are a result of me misreading signals, saying the wrong things, or not saying anything, bad timing, tangents, inappropriate reactions, conflict avoidance, and my general fear of accidentally offending someone somehow. Fi's social problems are often the result of misreading signals, passionate internal beliefs, lack of empathy and understanding when under stress, and rigidness.

    Aaaaaand..I'm going to sleep now. Sorry for the long post.
    Last edited by great_pudgy_owl; 02-16-2018 at 11:28 PM. Reason: termites

  3. #3

    I grew up with two fe-inferior people in my immediate family and I'm fi-dom... I guess what I always noticed with them is that their fe would usually show up in a really chilling ti-ish way, the most common being sarcasm... Like one time when I was growing up I had this meltdown because I wanted my ISTP father to respond to me more emotionally and I was so desperate I think I half expected him to do so but instead he said something like, "I'm not going to get worked up just because you bore your soul or whatever" and a lot of times he would say, "I'm not going to treat you with kid gloves" if I got offended by that sort of thing. But then other times they would do the complete opposite, like they came off so caring I couldn't believe it was the same person... Like I've been through a lot of abuse from men and one time I was driving somewhere with him and I got so upset with him for something or other I just asked him to let me out so I could walk home, and then he called me later and was practically in tears saying he didn't want to be the reason I didn't trust men... I don't know, it's like they just swing between being so detached it's chilling and so caring you'd think they breathed the same air as you or something...

    I don't know, I was the only fi user in my family, I guess I can't observe myself nearly so well as I can feel what I feel... I probably have the worst problems of anyone in my family with isolation, though. I get so avoidant, so isolated it upsets people. I think maybe whereas the fe-inferior people in my family come off as swinging between detached and caring, I come off like I don't care at all, everything is just so...inward. I don't come off detached and logical, though, just distant. I guess you could say I come off cold, and self centered. But then I don't feel cold at all... I have so much intensity of feeling I'm surprised people don't see it? That's kind of a fi-ish blind spot in a nutshell I think, not realizing how inward-turning you really get with your feelings even if they are intense.
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  5. #4

    From my experience of not having Fe in my top four function stack and as Fe being my PoLR in the 8 function model (which I am fond of), I find that I am absolutely astonished at the pains people go through to express their Fe. It seems like a completely useless function to me (though I'm quite aware that it is very useful and essential, even, to human evolution). For me, though, it doesn't mean much at all and is something I tend to not trust in others.

    This ends up looking like social isolation (self imposed, that is) from those who value Fe and being seen as a complete eccentric by those who value Fe.

    I don't "get" a lot of the things people do or why they do it. I find myself saying, when seeing Fe, "why don't they just ..." and I fill in the end with whatever I think might solve the problem the fastest and most efficient. Or, "Don't they know that ..." and I fill in the end with whatever I think their mistaken understanding is.

    When I go through something harsh, I find Fe irritating and as if it can't let the issue go. I have a good example, too. When my father died, I had already been in counseling to handle the inevitable death, so I was prepared mentally and spiritually for the event and I had a reasonable understanding of what to expect emotionally. I mostly grieved on my own and was called "cold" and "uncaring" for this. This was, without a doubt, the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life and is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through, by the way. So I was seriously shaken up inside. But I didn't want to talk to anyone about it until after I processed it internally and came to some conclusions myself.

    So, enter an Fe friend of mine. She thought it would be nice to start sending me quotes about losing fathers. She started posting all sorts of grief quotes all over my facebook wall. Every time I went to join in on some sort of social experience by checking up on my family through facebook or looking at events through facebook, I was bombarded with the reminder of something that I was trying to overcome. It's not like I was going to forget that my dad died. I just didn't want it to invade everything I did. I couldn't look at my phone without reminders about it from my Fe dom/aux friends who thoght that I needed to talk. Even today, I only check my phone once a week - on Saturday - and do all of my text/phone socializing at once so that I don't have to deal with any lingering Fe trying to get me to talk about it.

    As if Father's day isn't painful enough, I have Fe people attempting to tell me that they understand how hard it is to go through the day and etc...

    I cannot begin to describe how much I loathe this (though I understand what it is driven by). I absolutely hate it. And what ends up happening is that these people talk about me behind my back like I am a complete freak for not appreciating my father enough to grieve (in their minds, properly) or whatever.

    And I use the word "friends" loosely here because not a single one of them did I not attempt to communicate that their efforts were appreciated, but not helpful. And I cannot deal with that sort of behavior which seeks to heighten emotional experiences by magnifying them. It's completely absurd to me.

    And I didn't realize that I cared this much about it until writing this post.

    - - - - - - - - - -

    Hmm ... I'm neither dom Fi or inferior Fe, so I misread the question. But either way, if this is helpful to anyone else happening by, I'll leave it up.


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