Fe-users how do you deal with private emotions? - Page 3

Fe-users how do you deal with private emotions?

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This is a discussion on Fe-users how do you deal with private emotions? within the Cognitive Functions forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Originally Posted by Ashes4719 @ Pensive Fine - Um it could be a lot of things! I think it is ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashes4719 View Post
    @Pensive Fine - Um it could be a lot of things! I think it is hard to give advice when you don't really know the person or the situation they are in and I don't think someones cognitive functions can always give the best answers. It sounds like he could just have a hard time discussing his feelings or that he didn't want to be friends anymore. I know that last part sounds terrible but I have had similar situations where I was so confused why someone wouldn't get back to me. I just realized that they had other friends that they wanted to connect with more and just didn't feel like taking the time with me. If he is a Fe user that makes sense that he couldn't articulate his feelings but also that he didn't tell you outright that he didn't want to be friends anymore or that he had not come to that conclusion himself yet.

    I have been reading more about cognitive functions lately and have still not really dived into the enneagram or the instinctual variants so I can't give you my take on that. I know you said that you haven't spoken to him in 4 months, but have you heard about him at all? It is odd that he just kind of disappeared because if you guys were very close its odd that he would want to cut that relationship. He could be going through something.
    We are from the same school so I see him around. We basically have not really been on general speaking terms and have just spoke a few words here and there- nothing beyond 10 seconds. One time a month or two ago I disappeared from school for 4 days (due to my struggles with depression) and I saw him on the day I got back. He approached me and told me that he didn’t know that I was away for 4 days (possible expression of concern- he is well aware of my depression) and that I must have been so angry at him. I told him that I was open for a talk if he wanted but at the time I knew he was busy with something so I let the issue go for some time. That talk lasted 40 seconds or so. Later on after a suggestion from somebody else, I asked him if he was open for a meditation session since I wanted a thirty party involved to ensure things don’t get out of hand (from my end) which he agreed. The mediation session will probably happen in a few weeks time or a month or so. Anyways my main conflict with him was his seemingly lack of interest with engaging with me whilst I wanted to talk more with him. Of course I have a tendency to have unrealistic expectations which I project on him which have contributed to his distance away from me. I had thought that communication was the key and was incredibly disappointed and angry when he would not articulate his true feelings/his perspective. It felt like I was just wasting my time investing in a friendship where the reciprocation I wanted was not given back. I’m hoping that at the mediation session he would actually do so without back. I tested to see during these 4 months if he would approach me (if he did it means he shows interest in investing in the friendship, if not it is not that important to him). If he has trouble with understanding his feelings, that I as a Fi-dom would not mind guiding him through the process and talking it out with him. Maybe it is an exaggeration we have stopped talking for 4 months but essentially hardly talking to him at all aside from the stuff about the mediation is what I would consider ‘not on speaking terms’. Of course we both had problems in communication and breaking apart this friendship. How hard does it have to be when I have asked him multiple times to tell me his feelings while stating that I want to hear it even if it would hurt or offend me but he would refuse? My Fi just wants him to be authentic.
    Last edited by Pensive Fine; 04-26-2019 at 10:38 AM.
    Ashes4719 thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensational View Post
    I do not think I really make an effort to care

    What i mean is I do not usually understand people who feel a need to connect off emotion anymore than I understand containing or restraining emotions either way.

    Maybe just where my Fe is
    It’s there
    I use it
    But it’s not prevalent
    The idea of not being completely encompassed by, and highly aware of my personal feelings is so utterly amazing and surreal. I swear to god, if I don't get to be a XXTP in my next incarnation, I'm abandoning the fucking cause, ENTIRELY. (Whatever 'it' is.)

    Live. that. up. ;)

  3. #23

    @Pensive Fine Oh yeah, I totally agree with you! I can only imagine the frustration that my partner tried to get that information out of me! It sounds like he cares, and wants to be there but he is having difficulties with the negative emotions. How old is he? I just ask because when I was younger, I was very... flightly at times, I guess you could say. That could also be a part of it. I know in your last post you said you have spoken with him before about him not wanting to hang out with you and I am wondering how comfortable you would be trying to hang out with him and his friends? I just ask because that would make him feel like he didn't have to "choose" if that is what he is feeling. Do you like the people he is hanging out with or could you see yourself hanging out with them?

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  5. #24

    I have Fi as my primary function - BUT - lately I have started using Fe a little bit more as well.
    Over the years I've become very self-aware and gotten to know myself. I've learned how to take better care of myself within the last year or so, and over the past few months I've also done quite a bit of self-reflecting.
    On the other hand; I've also tried to open myself up to caring about other people as well, since in the past I've been quite closed off in this area. I want to develop this part of myself, because I've noticed over the past year that I would like to make more genuine connections with people.
    In terms of expressing emotions - it depends who is involved and if I trust them enough to point that I feel comfortable expressing deep emotions. If it happens to involve crying - usually I prefer doing that behind closed doors and in private - there are extremely few people that I feel comfortable crying in front of.
    If emotions/feelings present themselves in a topic of conversation - firstly, I assess what the topic of conversation is and if I will be able to openly talk to the person and say what I truly feel about the topic - if I'm able to do that, then I'll be able to openly express myself. But if I can't openly express what I feel on the topic with the person, then I don't even broach the topic of conversation with them. I'm someone who can feel strongly about some topics of conversation and where they fit into my personal value and belief system.
    One thing I will say, is that I love observing other people when there's a group conversation going on - since I take in a lot of what's going on - what's being said, and what's not being said.
    Kizuna thanked this post.

  6. #25

    Quote Originally Posted by Robert2928 View Post
    I would say Fe doms are only "private" when it is dealing with negative emotions which is a byproduct of inferior Ti.
    I had not thought of blaming Ti, because I mostly see in a positive light, but I can actually see how you could be right about that one.
    I'll definitely keep my (inner) eye open for proof.

  7. #26

    I let it flow when I'm alone and negate all notion of me not feeling good.

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