Fe-users how do you deal with private emotions?

Fe-users how do you deal with private emotions?

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This is a discussion on Fe-users how do you deal with private emotions? within the Cognitive Functions forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; For those who have Fi, emotions tend to be more private and contained within the individual. Especially with Fi-doms who ...

  1. #1

    Fe-users how do you deal with private emotions?

    For those who have Fi, emotions tend to be more private and contained within the individual. Especially with Fi-doms who are often described as 'still waters run deep'. How do Fe-users, especially xxFJs deal with their more private emotions? I want to understand Fe more since I have this view that Fe feel comfortable verbalising their feelings or connecting with a community through shared feelings. How does a Fe-user feel when their emotions become private and don't share them? How would you differentiate this from a Fi user?
    ai.tran.75, FishOni and Kizuna thanked this post.

  2. #2

    I don't like visibly displaying emotions that are not positive because it ruins the emotional atmosphere, and I need the emotional atmosphere around me to be light or else it becomes heavy and awkward. So I only outwardly express positive emotions. I'm actually pretty bad at having ~emotion talks~ (at least in-person, it is much easier for me online where I can sort of hide and feel more safe since no one's around to see my vulnerability). I don't mind when other people display emotion (but if it makes the atmosphere awkward then I absorb that negativity and become upset and thus feel personally responsible for doing something about it to change it back to positive). If it's light venting that's fine, I will give and take it. But raw emotional displays that destroy the emotional atmosphere... I avoid them like the plague lol.

    When I came out to my mom as trans, I did so over facebook messenger because I really didn't want to deal with all the heavy emotions and it was easier to distance myself from that negative atmosphere if I didn't do it in person. She handled it fine, I wasn't worried about rejection or anything, just the awkwardness. I feel the emotional atmosphere so strongly inside me and absorb it like a sponge, so I really just want to keep everything chill, so when I have to talk about things that aren't chill, it can be really hard. I came out to my dad in person too and it was so awkward I wanted to just die. The first time I saw my mom in person after I came out to her was the worst. I told her before I saw her that I really didn't want her to cry because it would make me really uncomfortable, but she did it anyway and it heavily upset me because I absorbed that.

    For the most part, I consider myself more of an emotional window than an emotional mirror. I don't just mirror other people's emotions/the emotions of the general atmosphere, but I rub off on other people too, which makes it even more essential that I keep everything light. Because if I'm down, the people around me start to get down too. The sense of personal responsibility that comes with maintaining the atmosphere can be a real chore and I try my best to avoid upsetting that external harmony/equilibrium.

    At the same time, I need an outlet. I can't just feel my emotions on my own and be fine. I need to bounce off of other people. This is why being upset is the worst thing ever for me. I don't want to upset the atmosphere, but in order to move on, I'm going to have to at some point. I've found that it's much easier for me to do this online than it is in person. I have some online friends who are always willing to listen to me when I need someone to express all that junk to, and I of course do the same for them. This all comes at the risk of emotionally bulldozing them, which I go more into depth about in this thread (my very first one I made on PerC actually) if you are interested.

  3. #3

    Here's the pattern I find for myself:

    When in a situation that triggers emotions, I tend to brush it off publicly because I don't want people to fuss over it. I consider my feelings and emotions private and I only share them with people I trust. I may seem unphased and unbothered to people outwardly but inside I'm obsessing over the situation/emotions I'm experiencing. I generally need a day or so to mull over the situation before I'm able to talk about it with anyone. I share my feelings and seek support or advice with a very select few until I feel I've come to an understanding or consensus regarding the situation. Afterwards, I can talk about these situations and feelings to almost anyone and I do so in a matter-of-fact way. I always say if I can talk about something it means I'm over it. Trying to share feelings when I'm upset is too painful for me - I think it's a fear of losing my composure and showing vulnerability/weakness and that's something I don't want to share with everyone. I'm a reserved person and I like to control which parts of me I show the world.
    DOGSOUP, Closet Extrovert, Tyche and 6 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Well, I'm a very negative person by default which means that I can express most of my "real", "true" feelings in a joking manner only. I don't want to face the backlash or some sort of punishment from feeling the way I do, really, and complaining and ungratefulness is generally frowned upon. Besides, I feel like most people wouldn't bother to understand anyway.

    This of course means I deal with a lot of emotional pain, turmoil and shame that I can only really unpack by writing (something I have always done) and never showing it to anyone. Another thing I've sometimes done is have someone rationalize things for/with me but people with whom this is possible are super hard to come by.

    Not ideal but it is what it is at the end of the day.
    Jawz, JennyJukes, Tyche and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #5

    The harder I'm hit, the more playful and/or polite I'll become.
    Even the sharpest ISFJs can't read I'm faking it.
    I wish I wasn't like that, I wish someone would see through it and tell me it's alright, but that's the way it is.
    Hell, I hate when that happens.
    Ashes4719, Jawz, DOGSOUP and 2 others thanked this post.

  7. #6

    My feelings ain't important for me.
    Ashes4719 thanked this post.

  8. #7

    I like to be left alone when I'm feeling strong emotions. For example, in sixth grade when I was crying in public bc I couldn't hold it in, I deeply wished I was alone somewhere. Someone asked if I was ok, but I didn't answer bc I wanted to be left alone and my friend realized this and just told her to leave me alone. I have to take time to mull over my emotions inside. I don't like being around people when I'm feeling negative emotions. Positive emotions, I don't know how to express but keep them inside too. Nowadays I write in a journal to unpack my feelings.
    Tyche, Zeri, Pensive Fine and 2 others thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Inferior Fe.

    When I'm unhealthy, I find that emotions (usually negative) come out at inopportune times, no matter how much I try to hide them. And then I'm usually unaware it's happening at the moment, it takes me reflection to process what just happened.

    Overall, my emotional state just isn't naturally in my radar, and I'm pretty monotonous especially in social settings. So, if I end up showing private emotions, it doesn't tend to be on purpose.
    Sensational and ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  10. #9

    I do not think I really make an effort to care

    What i mean is I do not usually understand people who feel a need to connect off emotion anymore than I understand containing or restraining emotions either way.

    Maybe just where my Fe is
    It’s there
    I use it
    But it’s not prevalent
    ai.tran.75 and Jaune Cena thanked this post.

  11. #10

    When I get more personal emotions I usually just either ride them out or try to find some solution to whatever's causing them if they're negative. I rarely talk about my feelings these days, I don't know, somehow all that could be said feels like it's too rhetorical to warrant saying. And the negative ones, I definitely am guilty of actively trying to not show them, I have found that for me, expressing negative emotions (to anyone other than myself) rarely if ever leads to anything productive.
    ai.tran.75 and Jawz thanked this post.

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