Sharing Cookies: Example Fe or Fi?

Sharing Cookies: Example Fe or Fi?

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This is a discussion on Sharing Cookies: Example Fe or Fi? within the Cognitive Functions forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; I was really upset by something at work today. I work with children in a room with three other teachers, ...

  1. #1
    Unknown


    Sharing Cookies: Example Fe or Fi?

    I was really upset by something at work today.

    I work with children in a room with three other teachers, however we also have three other teachers in another room who interact with the child at times. My head-teacher and I had a child bring in ten boxes of cookies (actually, not sure about the number) today for "the teachers." (also--I know this wording is kind of unclear. We didn't ask her to bring in cookies--but I am saying this because technically I and my head teacher are her "teachers"--and the other five teachers are not "her" teachers)

    One of the teachers from the other room grabbed two boxes of cookies. I was totally fine with that (though it irritated me a little that the head teacher hadn't been given first choice since it was her student who gave the cookies). But I was really insistent that everyone got some.

    We (from our class) all got our own box, and I put one aside for the teacher who I knew wouldn't have access to the box or ever hear about it.

    Then, I put two aside for the other two teachers (who worked with the one who took two boxes). When I came back from lunch, the two boxes were gone and one of my co-teachers said she gave them to the teacher who had taken two for herself, to give to her other co-teachers.

    Later, when I was working with one of said teachers, she told me that the teacher who had taken two boxes for herself had only brought ONE box in for the other two teachers--saying it was for everyone in the class.

    That means she took THREE boxes of cookies, the rest of us got one box, and then the two teachers who work with her had to share a box with her.

    This bothers me so much. It's because I believe that gifts are meant to be received by those who they were intended for. Also, I feel like this kind of behavior upsets the comeradery between teachers. And I just don't see why. Why would one person take three boxes, while refusing to give their co-workers one each? This teacher was not at all closer to the student who gave the cookies. I do not see why she can't put herself in the place of her co-teachers and see how she would not want to be left out in that way.

    I don't even care if it has to do with her financial situation--I wouldn't care if she stole supplies from the school (like crackers etc)--but these are gifts, and the purpose of a gift is to make people happy (everyone intended by the gifter).

    It's really offensive to me because I feel like it upsets a system, and because I feel like it is hurtful to some of the teachers. It almost violates the principle of gifts--to receive a gift and then refuse to allow others to? Especially since they had just as much right to that gift as her?

    So, one box was split between myself and another teacher because we both wanted to try the flavor and it was an extra (and there wasn't enough for every teacher to get two boxes). But the two had been set aside for the other two teachers before we split it.

    I really have a difficult time understanding the difference between Fe/Fi and Ne/Ni so I appreciate it if anyone gives their thoughts about this example.



  2. #2
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    @meltedsorbet

    sounds like Fe to me bc you brought up how you thought that lack of sharing messed up a system, which sounds very Fe to me, bc Fe wants to create order, does it willingly and enjoys that kind of thing. I dont think i could see and Fi user mentioning the system being messed up. lol theyd probably just express nothing but their emotions or something idk. thats one thing you could note. and Ne and Ni, well, I came up with a way to distinguish between like pairs of functions by thinking of e as a larger container for information which i think is a pretty accurate way to see it. If you have Ne, you have more intuitive information to pull from. Ni, less and its like that for all of the functions imo. ok, hope i helped you!

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    @brittauzenne , your definitions are wrong.
    @meltedsorbet , what you described isn't type specific.
    WickerDeer and Blystone thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Unknown Personality

    This has nothing to do with cognitive functions, the teacher who took 3 boxes is just selfish. Also, the other teachers probably don't know how much you value gifts. It would help if you told them how important it is to you that gifts are appreciated and distributed fairly. Learn from this and don't leave things lying around again, especially around that greedy teacher.
    Jennywocky, WickerDeer, JungyesMBTIno and 4 others thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Honestly, not everything is type-related nor is useful to view through the lens of type. Someone want to start the "What your pizza topping says about your MBTI type" thread? I mean, meltedsorbet's post would probably sound more like some kind of Fe argument if you are going to try to go by that, yet she's an ENFP. There is a lot of spillover, functions are not that cleanly divided, and sometimes type really isn't the dominate lens of usefulness.

    To whit: The behavior was just selfish. An adult and especially one who teaches kids should have a better sense of how to be fair to everyone, or there will be inequities in the classroom.
    Acerbusvenator, Entropic, Trinidad and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #6

    I really think meltedsorbet argues from an Fi point of view and very clearly so. She's arguing what she thinks is right and is fair, not because it's logical based around a common group ideal necessarily. I very much understand and relate.

    But anyway, being a douchebag is not type specific.
    Helios, WickerDeer and snail thanked this post.

  8. #7
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Well, assuming you're typed fairly accurately, then sure your response might come from Fi. Honestly, both types can have the same feeling reaction. That really doesn't illustrate the inner workings of feeling that differentiate the I/E orientations from each other at all.

    However, I dare ask, why do you feel the way you do about this:[QUOTE] the purpose of a gift is to make people happy (everyone intended by the gifter).[/QUOTE] That might shed light on what direction your feeling process takes - toward the self's ideals (introverted) or toward relevance to sentiments often held in relation to outer events (extraverted).
    Entropic, electricky and WickerDeer thanked this post.

  9. #8
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Honestly, I think you're coming from some kind of thinking perspective more than you realize (I mean, why do you care if it upsets a system?). That's moreso how someone who plays up thinking might rationalize feeling (or maybe an indicator of Fe - objective concerns). I mean, if you see the system as helpful to you in terms of evading experiences, then I would suspect you're playing up thinking more than you realize. If you think it's significant for it's own sake in relation to evaluative concerns, then I might argue you sound like you're an Fe type (e.g. appreciating time-honored traditions would probably indicate an Fe orientation if it's just for the sake of how they enhance the outer world and outer purpose and not your inner experiences).
    WickerDeer thanked this post.

  10. #9
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by JungyesMBTIno View Post
    Honestly, I think you're coming from some kind of thinking perspective more than you realize (I mean, why do you care if it upsets a system?). That's moreso how someone who plays up thinking might rationalize feeling (or maybe an indicator of Fe - objective concerns). I mean, if you see the system as helpful to you in terms of evading experiences, then I would suspect you're playing up thinking more than you realize. If you think it's significant for it's own sake in relation to evaluative concerns, then I might argue you sound like you're an Fe type (e.g. appreciating time-honored traditions would probably indicate an Fe orientation if it's just for the sake of how they enhance the outer world and outer purpose and not your inner experiences).

    Thanks. I've only really been interested in systems as I've matured more. It's just that a lot of the issues I've always struggled with can really only be solved on a large scale with systems. Issues that involve people suffering--that's the way to deal with them, IMO.

    I dislike conflict and one of the ways of avoiding conflict is to find a system in which everyone can be somewhat happy with. I decided, and told my co-workers, that from now on I will write people's names on gifts that come into the classroom. If there is enough for everyone, I will put some aside for the others and write their names on them (along with the name of the gifter--to:blah, from:blahdy). That way, I will never have to deal with this kind of discomfort again. I didn't think of doing this before because I assumed everyone would want to choose their own box, but it seems better this way. They can always trade.

    I think the original problem came from different perspectives. Some people viewed the gifts as "free stuff!" and some people (me) viewed them as symbols of gratitude. Also, I think it's important for co-workers to show gratitude to each other, or at least to allow the distribution of gratitude from others, because we really do work as a team to support each other (and also because no one deserves to have their feelings hurt by feeling left out.)

    Oh--and to answer your question about why I wrote that the purpose of a gift is to make people feel happy. That is because I prefer to give gifts to make people feel happy! I want to give them something that will lighten their load, lift their spirits, enrich their lives etc. The purpose of a gift, to me, is to consider and care for another person. So, if someone intends that for another person, then who I am I to disrupt that (unless I hate the person) by depriving the gifter of realizing their desires, and depriving the receiver of the token of gratitude? (I guess I should also say that most of the gifts given to teachers are generally considered to be given out of gratitude for the caring of the children). I still think that's too vague to tie to a function though.

  11. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    @meltedsorbet

    Okay good answer. Now, where do you think you "get" your feelings, so-to-speak? I'm actually getting Fe vibes from this:
    The purpose of a gift, to me, is to consider and care for another person. So, if someone intends that for another person, then who I am I to disrupt that (unless I hate the person) by depriving the gifter of realizing their desires, and depriving the receiver of the token of gratitude? (I guess I should also say that most of the gifts given to teachers are generally considered to be given out of gratitude for the caring of the children).


     
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