Fi-dom Meets Te-dom

Fi-dom Meets Te-dom

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  • 1 Post By desinys

This is a discussion on Fi-dom Meets Te-dom within the Cognitive Functions forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; I'm very interested in the role of the inferior function, especially with regard to how two people with opposite inferiors ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    Fi-dom Meets Te-dom

    I'm very interested in the role of the inferior function, especially with regard to how two people with opposite inferiors (Fe and Ti, Fi and Te) interact. For example, if you put an ENTJ and an INFP in a room together, how will each react to seeing his own main weakness reflected as the other's main strength? In my own experience, there is immediate mutual fascination and admiration. As an INFP, I look at an ENTJ and see the decisive, straightforward, go-getter attitude I see in myself only in brief glimpses, when I'm frustrated and my Te takes center stage. I can't really say what it's like for the ENTJ to see such concentrated Fi idealism.

    What do the Fi-dom and Te-dom have to learn from each other? How would you describe the dynamic of the two types?



  2. #2
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I'm not that good at recognizing cognitive functions so my message may not answer the question that well but I'll try:D

    I am pretty close with one INFP and at the very beginning we got along pretty well, he is socially awkward so I did most of the talking but it was fine. After a couple months he started feeling more comfortable talking to me and suddenly out of blue sky he came to me and told about his childhood, fears, dreams and how afraid he was about not being able to take care of his family and every once in a while he apologized for wasting my time. I put on my "be a good friend and listen to this and try to be understanding and emphatic" mode and it went pretty well, he didn't even notice how shocked I was. Then he asked what's going on in my life and I had nothing to say for once. I thought I had to say something because he had just told me pretty much everything - like he had been waiting a long time for a chance to talk about those things with someone.

    I seriously didn't know what to answer. Obviously everybody had things that bother them, but for me they are like those little things that are there, in the background and I notice them sometimes but cannot really name them. Usually if I am sad I don't even notice it before I'm alone and have nothing to do and notice that the feeling is there, but I cannot really grasp it or know what exact feeling it is or why I'm feeling that way. So then I try to figure out where it's coming from but this usually leads to nothing. Then I just do something and try to forget about the whole thing and usually that's the end of it. Sometimes it keeps getting back and I'm kind of freaked out by it but there's not much I can do about it but to move on. So I told this to him and he thought it was really weird but was really understanding about it.

    When I'm with him, we usually have "my conversations" and "his conversations". He likes to talk about how the recent changes in his life make him feel and I like to talk about how the recent changes in my life affect my plans, future and attitudes. We both listen to each other, I don't really understand him and he doesn't really understand me but that's kind of the point. The way he talks about his feelings is a lot more approachable to me than my ESFJ friends (which drives me crazy and every time they start crying about something I just feel like slapping them and telling them to get their sh*t together). Except when my INFJ friend starts blaming himself for other people's misery he is responsible for in no way I just can't sit there and listen. But otherwise I've done a pretty good job in my opinion:) He always asks about my feelings and sometimes I have something to say, but it makes me feel very vulnerable, ashamed, anxious, inferior and not in control. I just hate it but I'm trying to develop in that area. Plus he is a really good listener and understands not to say anything stupid so that helps.

    I don't know if this has anything to do with cognitive functions but I hope so..

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    kekeke

    The thing about Te-doms is that I'm never on the same social footing as they are. The few Te-doms I know have been my grandfather, uncle, boss and a professor. They are all in positions of authority over me in some way, so that shapes the dynamics of our relationship a bit. If I really speak my mind around them, they'll bitch me out in a second no doubt or just think I'm dumb/naļve probably. I don't have any Te-dom friends. I've met some ITJs too and they're actually a lot of fun to talk to because they seem so different from me and I want to try to understand them. I knew as ISTJ and once you got him talking about the things that interest him and his daily life he could talk for hours it seemed. They can also actually be really silly sometimes, which I like.

    What I've noticed with Te-doms is that they never really have bad intentions, they're just really aggressive about their sense of how things should be. This kind of straight-forwardness and bossiness puts me off because my natural way of doing things is to want to "be nice" and "take things slow" and to try to make sure everyone is treated kindly feels loved and listen to people. It's not my natural impulse to "assume responsibility" for getting things done. But, that's not to say that I don't have any work ethic. Rather, I believe that people should be able to communicate openly about their feelings and experiences and why they're doing what they're doing. At that point, we can reach an agreement about how to proceed and make sure everyone is treated fairly. I don't like to rush or directly criticize people or tell people what to do. I'm not stressed about time, so I have to pretend that I care about that kind of thing around Te-doms. I am more into developing shared goals and cooperating than I am just having a goal and following steps to get there without really enjoying the process. I understand though that this is probably hard for Te types to deal with because, in reality, there's always limited time and limited money to do things. But, that's what I don't understand about Te doms, they sort of accept economic systems and valid and hark on people for not being "business-y" enough. Personally, though, I am not so sure that Communism is impossible like everyone seems to think it is. I know that I can share and cooperate well with others and believe that other people can too if they just learned to realize how much they have in common with other people all around the world. Just be open-minded, meet people's practical needs, focus on making life beautiful for yourself and others and imagine yourself in someone else's place before you come to a conclusion about what's normal or the way things should be. But, I guess that's besides the point.

    Around Te-doms, I virtually never talk about my personal feelings because I've read they don't like that kind of stuff. If I wasn't aware of MBTI, I probably wouldn't get along with any Te-doms at all. Really, when around the Te-doms that I mentioned above I just try to be as professional and impersonal as possible. I do what they tell me to do and agree with what they say or say what I think they want to hear.

    My former manager was probably ESTJ. At first, she scared me a lot because she would yell in order to enforce rules and expectations. I didn't want to get on her bad side, but I resented that she was like that (or compelled to be like that because of capitalism). Eventually though, I recognized and accepted her Te and tried to tailor my speech and attitude to match hers. I don't mean that I was trying to mimic her, but I always tried to stay emotionally cool when she was around. We also bonded over the our interest in Russian language/culture. Eventually, she started talking to me more about her personal life and would vent to me about things. I was shocked, but I tried to be the best listener I could and sympathize as much as possibly without being overtly sappy.



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  5. #4
    ENTJ - The Executives

    INFPs make good patients and test subjects.

    Though ESFPs are more open to the placebo effect, which can be fun to study.

    INFPs are usually really unstable. Stable people tend to bore me. I have many INFP friends.

  6. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    I'm really interested in this dynamic, too!

    It's been interesting to me that interacting with someone who is Te-dom opposed to even a Te-aux makes a huge difference in the dynamic. I'm currently dating an ENTJ, but I previously dated an INTJ and have a couple of other INTJ friends. Although my Fi appeals to the INTJs I know and they experience a connection with me, it's from bit from afar in my perspective (they don't immediately extrovert it). I've experienced not knowing as well where I stand with INTJs until the last minute (when I've start to wander away because I didn't know an INTJ thought of me as a friend!) and then! they tell me that we're friends and we're going to hang out, haha. It's endearing, but definitely not as smooth. If my ENTJ SO doesn't know where we stand or what I'm thinking about a topic or whatever else, he tells me and he asks.

    So back to the original prompt, Te-dom and Fi-dom: my Fi can be so insular and I can be by myself for so long, a Te jolt that's straightforward and tells me what it wants is so helpful for me to start articulating Fi in a way I find useful. What I mean by that is that I don't usually want to be emotional when expressing an Fi insight (it's less about the emotion for me than it is to bring in a humanity-focus) and I want to express clearly why something is important, why I'm thinking so much about human-oriented, big-picture impacts, and why other people should consider them, too. A Te question can help jumpstart that for me.

    It's funny how the internet sees INFPs as so soft and vulnerable, because one of the first compliments my ENTJ SO gave me was on my inner confidence--I know myself. I know what's right for me, and I'm always working on where I potentially want to go. It was surprising to have someone who was so outwardly confident quickly recognize my inner confidence. I think this was my SO recognizing my Fi with his Fi, and we each are working on creating whole confidence.

    I think that having Te-Fi in whatever orientation creates a certain drive to make things happen in the outside world, and I think a partnership with Te-dom and an Fi-dom can recognize this and be so very supportive and balancing. My goals are way different than my ENTJ SO's and even our modes of operation are completely different, but we respect and feed off each other's understandable determination and face the world more balanced together. There's so much reassurance, support, recognition, and very little in the way of competition. I suspect there could potentially be a slight bit of envy mixed into the admiration, since we each have something the other has that we're just not as masterful with, but as long as we approach it as an opportunity for growth I think it works positively for us.

    A funny thing to me is that, though I can understand and respect where it's coming from, sometimes I can see my ENTJ SO's Fi as a bit disproportional to a situation and not very well thought out. I wonder if this is what seeing an Fi-dom using baby Te looks like to a Te-dom as well??


     

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