[ENFJ] I finally met an ENFJ male! cant stop thinking now...insights appreciated!

I finally met an ENFJ male! cant stop thinking now...insights appreciated!

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This is a discussion on I finally met an ENFJ male! cant stop thinking now...insights appreciated! within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hi everyone :) This amazing ENFJ is the facilitator of a personal development type class I'm taking. (MBTI is part ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    I finally met an ENFJ male! cant stop thinking now...insights appreciated!

    Hi everyone :)

    This amazing ENFJ is the facilitator of a personal development type class I'm taking. (MBTI is part of the class so I actually got confirmation he is an ENFJ!) I hardly know the guy of course, but intuitively I just felt like...it's so hard to put into words even! The first time our eyes met...I was left wondering what the frilly heck just happened?! This was before he even spoke! Not in a romantic starry eyed way, but I just felt some kind of connection in a way I have not experienced before. (Ive had plenty of crushes and relationships)

    It even seems at times we can communicate so much to each other through our eyes (while he is talking at the front to the group)...it almost feels weirdly telepathic at times. (one time he said something like "don't forget people can't read your mind"...but then he paused and said in a quieter tone '"or who knows, maybe they can ha" and kind of half glanced in my direction with a shy smile (maybe I imagined it being directed at me...but it seemed sort of out context to add that in otherwise :P)

    So it has been just over a week since the class started...he really has this way of drawing me out and making me feel less self-conscious. I am even spontaneously laughing any time I find something funny and am one of the most talkative in the group even though I'm usually silent unless directly asked a question. This is so weird for me. I like this new version, but it's weird haha It's so great being around him!

    And even though I'm happily single right now (not looking in the least)....I found myself secretly wishing and hoping that he is single so there might be an opportunity to get to know him better once the class is over (in 4 weeks) and see what happens because so far we seem to be so naturally in-tune and "get" each other...I think the ENFJ-INFP do seem to compliment each other so well...now I know what I've been missing out on all this time! :P

    Problem is...he's not single. :(

    He mentioned his girlfriend very casually a few times during anecdotes or whatever (they live together and have a dog is all I know)

    BUT before I say anything else, I want to be clear that I'm not looking for advice on how to steal him from his girlfriend or how to get him to like me. If someone is taken, they are off-limits in my mind and I've always been able to just accept that we aren't meant to be obviously and let it go. Well...except this time? Please don't judge...but I'm sort of now secretly hoping that maybe his girlfriend and him have been having problems for a long time and are on the verge of breaking it off. I can't help it. ;)

    Here's the thing...I've been reading about ENFJ and how they are friendly and attentive to everyone naturally which can come across as romantic interest even when not intended. So I was fine with that, thinking that's probably all that's going on here...but there are just a few examples that leave me wondering...and I'd feel better if you can give your best guess on if you feel this could be feelings developing on his part or just him being exceptionally good at what he does (making people feel good about themselves) and I'm looking a little too hard for comfirmation...lol

    -When he is talking in front of the group, I noticed that he is looking at me a lot of the time ( he looks around the room but then his eyes seem to come back to me anytime he pauses) and we often lock eyes and exchange smiles (could be just that I am so smiley and receptive when it comes to him? lol I dunno:)
    -When he is not up front teaching and we are near each other he becomes a lot more shy, he'll smile at me but it's more of a goofy grin and he can't seem to make direct eye contact while talking and seems to fumble over his words but is not that way with the others in the group. One time he was standing around talking to a couple others in the group so I walked over to join in the conversation and he got really quiet
    -when he is sitting next to me during group activities, I "feel"something...I dunno what...he doesn't talk to me, but I feel some vibe from him that he is interested. Maybe it's all in my head gah.
    -he seems to be tailoring his personal examples around things he knows interest me. Ie)the day after he found out I have kids and mentioned running late for art class, he mentioned on the weekend how he talked to his 7 year old nephew on the phone and was going on about their conversation and then later mentioned he had been to see his friend's art exhibit over the weekend as well. (this is just 1 example of how he seems to do this because and I don't notice him doing it with others)
    -see him looking at me often through my peripheral vision when we're working independently (I think but I am so prone to blushing, I'm too afraid to try to catch him to confirm lol) But maybe this doesn't mean anything either? maybe he's just observing me?


    Sorry for the ramble...I guess what I really want to know is do you think this could be interest and if it is do you think that means he feels the way I do which means his relationship must be going badly because he seems like the type that would be fiercly loyal? This is ideal scenario for me and I'm plenty patient...I am not saying I want to date him anytime soon...just that the potential is there. But if he is in a happy relationship and/or is not interested I want to be able to just let this go. And I think I can once I know.

    Is there something I can say or do that is appropriate in this scenario (classroom) to get clearer confirmation one way or the other so I can stop this thinking and analyzing everything?



  2. #2
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I only have two things to say:

    1) All this may actually be flirting on his part... but he may not be aware that he is doing it! I find myself, quite often, flirting with people even though I don't want anything out of it and I don't even realise I'm doing it until someone points it out and then I feel terrible! Then again, he may actually mean it... but don't get your hopes up...

    2) This one is a genuine tip, I promise! Next time you catch him in your peripherals looking and you want to confirm it but don't want to look straight at him... YAWN! I used to do it all the time in high school and it works great! If he sees you yawning, give him about 5 minutes and he'll hit out with a yawn and then you have your answer! If he remains yawn-free, then he wasn't looking at you... or he has amazing self control! Simple =)

  3. #3
    ENFJ - The Givers

    ENFJ are generally straightforward, just tell him how you feel.
    lydibug and IrridiumCloud thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by TheRedPyro View Post
    1) All this may actually be flirting on his part... but he may not be aware that he is doing it! I find myself, quite often, flirting with people even though I don't want anything out of it and I don't even realise I'm doing it until someone points it out and then I feel terrible!
    Also, this happens to me A LOT and I hate it.
    IrridiumCloud thanked this post.

  6. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    I will try out the yawning tip, thanks! :)


    I don't really get the feeling he is flirting with me, but maybe that's the ENFJ flirting style. lol I think he is the first ENFJ I've met before and he seems really different from any man I've met before.

    I don't really know how to be direct in this situation being his student and him having a girlfriend and all? We mainly communicate through eyes and smiles as it is. lol I'd feel so awkward bringing up anything personal at all.

  7. #6
    INFJ


    I think it would be difficult for anyone to give a definitive answer based on his behavior: in my experience, ENFJ's tend to be complex and emotionally intense people. I don't think there's any other type that's more likely to give a person the impression that they're completely enamoured with them when in their mind, they just see the person as a slight acquaintance. Based on the posts that I've read on this forum, this seems to be especially true of ENFJ men, I guess because most men don't express themselves the way ENFJ's do.

    I can say this much: if he taylors his conversation to your interests, that shows he takes an interest in you as an individual, and probably likes you a lot, at least as a friend. I find a good gauge as to how much an ENFJ likes you is how many details they remember about you. Whether he sees you, potentially, as anything more in the future, is impossible to say. ENFJ men are notoriously good at hiding their romantic feelings under curtains and smokescreens, especially if they don't see the possibility of a relationship as being something feasible.

    If he becomes quiet and nervous in your company, it could mean any number of things. Perhaps he senses a vibe from your part that he interprets as attraction and isn't sure how to respond. Perhaps he feels an attraction, but doesn't want to feel anything that would make him break off his current relationship. Or maybe he's just nervous about the idea of giving you the wrong impression. It's really hard to say.

    I can say that ENFJ guys are pretty easy to get stuck in your head like a catchy tune. They seem to be naturally adept at seeking out emotional needs and desires that you didn't even know you had and making an effort to fulfill them. It's especially true if you're someone they share a lot of common interests with too, I find, because they'll have that added level of enthusiasm when they talk passionately about the things you like the most. I find what makes them the most endearing is their sincerity. They don't just act enthusiastic because it's something that interests you, they become genuinely enthusiastic. It's really difficult for me to explain the effect. I had to train myself to stop thinking of one as much as I once did a couple of years ago, when I had realized he didn't feel toward me what I thought he had. The odd thing is, to this day, I haven't the slightest idea, exactly how he feels about me, and to what extent he wants me in his life....
    Mmmm, boxerkitty, CeLaVie and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by lydibug View Post
    I will try out the yawning tip, thanks! :)


    I don't really get the feeling he is flirting with me, but maybe that's the ENFJ flirting style. lol I think he is the first ENFJ I've met before and he seems really different from any man I've met before.

    I don't really know how to be direct in this situation being his student and him having a girlfriend and all? We mainly communicate through eyes and smiles as it is. lol I'd feel so awkward bringing up anything personal at all.
    How long has this been going on again?

    My ENFJ ex-boyfriend often gave a lot of wrong signals sometimes and other women hardly ever noticed unless they were interested in him. This was unintentional on his part. He would set it straight if they confronted him about it. I'd say you have a very big decision on your hands. Either confront him, or keep your silence because he's involved in a relationship.

    Most ENFJs if they have settled down (they have a dog, which is like making a huge commitment), will not compromise their relationship for some girl in the classroom.

    ENFJs have a tendency to also complain a lot and say negative things about their relationship if they are unhappy. If he hasn't done this, he is probably happy with his relationship.
    lydibug thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I don't know whether this applies to most ENFJs, but whenever I speak in front of a group I tend to focus my view on one or two people in the group. I look around the whole group often (so I'm not entirely focused), but whenever I stop looking around I rest my eyes on the person who gives me the most.. silent encouragement, so to say. When I frequently had debates (it's not entirely the same, but I think it's relevant enough), I tended to look at the people who would smile back at me or nod at me whenever I made a point, because it would stimulate me. Perhaps you're just one of those people who has a very encouraging vibe? I actually had one girl walk up to me and ask me if she was distracting me, because I kept looking at her. I told her that looking at her during debates relaxed and assured me.

    I think I would rather prefer to avoid looking at the one I'm in love with, because it would totally ruin my concentration. I would either try to go overboard and emphasize my words way too much (to impress), or I would just lose it for a moment. That might be something that just applies to me, though, not ENFJs in general.
    Miso, Mmmm, lydibug and 1 others thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by dulcinea View Post

    I can say that ENFJ guys are pretty easy to get stuck in your head like a catchy tune. They seem to be naturally adept at seeking out emotional needs and desires that you didn't even know you had and making an effort to fulfill them. It's especially true if you're someone they share a lot of common interests with too, I find, because they'll have that added level of enthusiasm when they talk passionately about the things you like the most. I find what makes them the most endearing is their sincerity. They don't just act enthusiastic because it's something that interests you, they become genuinely enthusiastic. It's really difficult for me to explain the effect. I had to train myself to stop thinking of one as much as I once did a couple of years ago, when I had realized he didn't feel toward me what I thought he had. The odd thing is, to this day, I haven't the slightest idea, exactly how he feels about me, and to what extent he wants me in his life....
    Ha, this is so right! for ENFJ women as well. Thank you for putting these together! It described exactly how I feel, but just can't figure out what it is. Further more, if you don't have the slightest idea, he probably didn't as well; at least that is how I feel! So many times, I was asking myself do I love this person because he loved me and I wanted to make him happy and I felt happy because he was happy? To a point that I was more confused than before so I just stop and do whatever makes me happy, which is to make him happy
    dulcinea thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I think your feeling is a great thing you can have, and it is wonderful that someone can invoke such a feeling inside you. Whether he has already been in a relationship is not something you can change or control. But at the same time, I think you know what is right to do, or let's say another way, what is not right to do.

    For "fiercely loyal", I think the weakness of an ENFJ, can be that he will be drawn towards to whoever needs him the most, as long as that direction is not very very painful/or he can't fulfill the need. ENFJs are loyal in this sense. I say this as a "weakness" because when other's feeling/need is too strong, it can mask the ENFJ's own need. Since INFPs tend to have the deepest, strongest feelings inside among all the personality types ......

    I think as ENFJ, he probably can sense your interest or feelings. If he wants to get closer, he probably would take steps; otherwise, he probably would like it as it is now.

    I don't know what else is appropriate, other than focusing on yourself. I think the best you can do, at this stage, for an ENFJ, is to be yourself and independent of him. e.g. don't let him sense that your happiness depends on him staying physically close to you etc. But don't do this by trying to hide or avoid him, just kind of be happy about this feeling, but do things to make yourself happy, regardless of him. Time will tell.
    lydibug thanked this post.


     
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