ENFJ's and passive aggressive? minor note.. why do i have to always lie?

ENFJ's and passive aggressive? minor note.. why do i have to always lie?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 37
Thank Tree11Thanks

This is a discussion on ENFJ's and passive aggressive? minor note.. why do i have to always lie? within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; So I'm sitting at work, at my desk, chatting with my coworker, about personality types (this is all we ever ...

  1. #1
    ENFJ - The Givers

    ENFJ's and passive aggressive? minor note.. why do i have to always lie?

    So I'm sitting at work, at my desk, chatting with my coworker, about personality types (this is all we ever talk about). shes an ENFP. which i am as well, MY J and P are perfectly balanced.
    Today our conversation started with me having to explain myself for something I was not able to follow through on with a client of ours. In my eyes, I saw it as explaining why it wasn't completed, she saw it as me making excuses (mind you most of the time its something completely out of my control, and im her manager).
    after that we did a little comparing of each others personalitiy traits and mainly my issues with being authentic or lack of.. psssshhh anyways.
    and for the fact that I may be passive aggressive! which I see alot of in myself. but i cant help it.. i feel. I cant say no, I cant put someone down. i cant critisize. i just cant! I feel like if i did do all this it would cause "dis-harmony"... no bueno.

    My other two coworkers, fellow ENFJs, always understands what i say and why i say it. and they brought up a good point of we always say yes, when we wanna say no, we lie or alter a story so we dont feel so bad when we say no. Its like a validation.

    My thoughts are all over the place, I do apologize for this, Im new to typology, and its all due mainly to my lack of understanding certain thoughts and processes (i feel this is why... im always listening to my feelings)

    anyones input into this and ways in which you better yourself will greatly help me.

    fyi: I love being an ENFJ/ENFP



  2. #2
    Unknown

    I think that passive agressive goes under the heading of manipulation. Every description of ENFJ includes manipulation.

    Is it bad? Yes. Undoubtably. Unfortunately, it is hard for us to be direct in anything that may cause disharmony, so we pull people's strings instead. That way we can get what we want while avoiding an uncomfortable situation. As said: it's bad. It is one of the bigger type flaws that ENFJs need to work on keeping to a minimum, because no one likes to be manipulated.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    I have an ENFJ supervisor and he lies all the time. It drives me crazy. And he will not put down anyone but me. What is up with that?

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by Kalifornia310 View Post
    So I'm sitting at work, at my desk, chatting with my coworker, about personality types (this is all we ever talk about). shes an ENFP. which i am as well, MY J and P are perfectly balanced.
    Today our conversation started with me having to explain myself for something I was not able to follow through on with a client of ours. In my eyes, I saw it as explaining why it wasn't completed, she saw it as me making excuses (mind you most of the time its something completely out of my control, and im her manager).
    after that we did a little comparing of each others personalitiy traits and mainly my issues with being authentic or lack of.. psssshhh anyways.
    and for the fact that I may be passive aggressive! which I see alot of in myself. but i cant help it.. i feel. I cant say no, I cant put someone down. i cant critisize. i just cant! I feel like if i did do all this it would cause "dis-harmony"... no bueno.

    My other two coworkers, fellow ENFJs, always understands what i say and why i say it. and they brought up a good point of we always say yes, when we wanna say no, we lie or alter a story so we dont feel so bad when we say no. Its like a validation.

    My thoughts are all over the place, I do apologize for this, Im new to typology, and its all due mainly to my lack of understanding certain thoughts and processes (i feel this is why... im always listening to my feelings)

    anyones input into this and ways in which you better yourself will greatly help me.

    fyi: I love being an ENFJ/ENFP

    I am the exact same way. my girlfriend says I keep making excuses (i'm not i'm just trying to explain why). I also cannot for the life of me say no....mostly because ...in the moment...i want to make them happy....and then i can't think of what's going on until later on.

  6. #5
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by thehigher View Post
    I am the exact same way. my girlfriend says I keep making excuses (i'm not i'm just trying to explain why). I also cannot for the life of me say no....mostly because ...in the moment...i want to make them happy....and then i can't think of what's going on until later on.
    EXACTLY!! why cant they understand that im just trying to explain myself! all i ever hear is your making excuses ... i get mad when they say this. i just want you to understand is all. understand why...

    and the reason for not being able to say no. sooooo True. I cant bring myself to say it. I KNOW IT'LL DISAPPOINT THEM. Disappointment = No Bueno.

    when i say yes. i see how there face lights up, i know i made them a lil happy there in that moment. i caused/brought someone happiness... and knowing this causes me to wanna say yes to more people. just so they know everything will be better.

    ...ima lost cause. lol (putting a lol after criticism seems a lil passive aggro.)
    BlueBlueSky thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by Hurting View Post
    I have an ENFJ supervisor and he lies all the time. It drives me crazy. And he will not put down anyone but me. What is up with that?
    I managed a restaurant. and it was the same thing for me. I would lie to manipulate the situation. but i was the nicest coolest manager ever!
    Blue Butterfly thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by mutton View Post
    I think that passive agressive goes under the heading of manipulation. Every description of ENFJ includes manipulation.

    Is it bad? Yes. Undoubtably. Unfortunately, it is hard for us to be direct in anything that may cause disharmony, so we pull people's strings instead. That way we can get what we want while avoiding an uncomfortable situation. As said: it's bad. It is one of the bigger type flaws that ENFJs need to work on keeping to a minimum, because no one likes to be manipulated.
    I agree wholeheartedly with this statement of yours. but having people understand this is the hard part, i tried explaing bout harmony... they say its an excuse! those stubborn people.

  9. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalifornia310 View Post
    I managed a restaurant. and it was the same thing for me. I would lie to manipulate the situation. but i was the nicest coolest manager ever!

    I do love my supervisor very much but I just can't stand his lies. And I can see right through his manipulation but I don't think others on the team sees this. We have kind of a rough working relationship because of his lies too. I call him on things I catch him lying about and then he really gets angry with me. I just wish he would be straight with me. I could handle that much better than the confrontation that we have after he lies then denies lying.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by Kalifornia310 View Post
    EXACTLY!! why cant they understand that im just trying to explain myself! all i ever hear is your making excuses ... i get mad when they say this. i just want you to understand is all. understand why...

    and the reason for not being able to say no. sooooo True. I cant bring myself to say it. I KNOW IT'LL DISAPPOINT THEM. Disappointment = No Bueno.

    when i say yes. i see how there face lights up, i know i made them a lil happy there in that moment. i caused/brought someone happiness... and knowing this causes me to wanna say yes to more people. just so they know everything will be better.

    ...ima lost cause. lol (putting a lol after criticism seems a lil passive aggro.)
    yea i feel ya. they always tell me "just tell me the truth...i can take it" .... then i tell them the truth... and they start bitchin.

  11. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Lying has to due with having to prove yourself to people. It starts off as a white lie and develops into a bad habit. Learn to only tell the truth. When a lie slips out, even by accident (completely unintentionally), excuse yourself and clarify what you just said/what you meant to say, it'll save yourself a lot of trouble in the future.


     
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. INTPs and that passive observing/staring thing
    By Belle Starr in forum INTP Forum - The Thinkers
    Replies: 93
    Last Post: 06-18-2011, 10:00 AM
  2. ISTJ too passive?
    By Mercer in forum ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 03-11-2010, 06:25 PM
  3. INFJ Over-aggressive Ti?
    By alice144 in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-10-2010, 07:51 PM
  4. Note for Ti-s
    By Alice in Wonderland in forum INTP Forum - The Thinkers
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 09-20-2009, 08:47 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:21 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0