This is a discussion on Virginity... loss of within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by chimeric This priest is hot....
Not seeing each other for a long time could be a bigger problem than any chemicals.
Just because the largest amount of oxytocin is released during childbirth doesn't mean the smaller amount from sex doesn't affect them. Or at least the woman since from what I understand, men only get the effects when they see their child. So I see your point, but at the same time two mature people in a relationship can make it work without the chemical influx.
From what I remember, it isn't only a question of amount but a question of the cycle, the series of successive events that form human procreation as a whole.Just because the largest amount of oxytocin is released during childbirth doesn't mean the smaller amount from sex doesn't affect them. Or at least the woman since from what I understand, men only get the effects when they see their child.
Analogy: It is a bit like training a lot for a tournament by playing smaller games. You don't win the Cup if you stop playing after the drills :)I doubt I would have ever survived a long distance relationship if I hadn't known in advance about the dynamics it can be victim of.So I see your point, but at the same time two mature people in a relationship can make it work without the chemical influx.
Unfortunately, knowledge is not a common good, or we wouldn't have so many people perishing in the war against STDs, or even loosing love when besieged by multiple sources of stimulation...
(Often, especially at the beginning I felt more "connected" when talking to a woman here and now. It was only through training and self-focus that I learned to, say, keep my spiritual pecker in my spiritual pants :-) i.e. ignore other women)
MuChApArAdOx and her husband started out as just having fun, but that turned into a 15 (?) year marriage that's still continuing. When you place expectations on something forces come to prey on your fears. It's just that when something is on your mind you notice things you normally wouldn't and that leads to painting false pictures of the situation.
Of course, everyone has their own way that works best for them. I'm glad you've discovered what you need to do because a lot of people don't ever find out.
Many relationships don't make it after a child is born. And even the strongest relationships will go through a major shift with the birth of a child. Couples often have to work very hard at rediscovering each other again after a child, if they make it at all. You have to work twice as hard to make your relationship with your spouse a priority after the children are born.
However, do consider how many aspects of all sciences describing human behavior and nature are based on competition.
I mean, do we (or any other species!) fall in love and have sex with the knowledge and conscious intention to contribute to natural selection and evolution of our species (or more specifically, of our own genes?)? Do chimpanzees meet every day and say "Hey, let's shag and in a few million years our descendants will look like those bloody humans!"?
No, they all just live and then things progress naturally :)
However, there is a pattern in human nature of wanting to outsmart nature. We built planes to travel across continents (or I wouldn't have a long distance relationship...) and we built the internet to communicate at high speed even when being thousands of miles apart (eh, again, without which I wouldn't have a long distance relationship!).
What I am trying to say is that there is also something attractive about the challenge of getting ahead of the curve even when it comes to love :)
This probably depends a lot also on culture and geography. I am aware that in many Western countries there is a huge attachment to pleasure and everything physical. The lack of it is perceived as lack of love and lack of everything, which leads people to looking for greener grass (or at least CRAVING for it!).
I understand that with many of the self-centric ideas (not egoistic, but all ideas of putting one's own well-being before others') which have come into being, it can be perceived as hard work indeed.
Honestly, though, I have rarely seen what you talk about with my own eyes, except on TV shows and in celebrity news, perhaps.
I also think there is a fine line between what you call obligation and what I view as love earned the hard way, through dedication, commitment and discipline. For me, that is a greater love than that which "comes naturally".