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Virginity... loss of

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This is a discussion on Virginity... loss of within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by chimeric This priest is hot....

  1. #41

    Quote Originally Posted by chimeric View Post
    This priest is hot.
    cue5c and Subtle Murder thanked this post.

  2. #42
    Unknown

    @PeterTheGreater

    Not seeing each other for a long time could be a bigger problem than any chemicals.

    Just because the largest amount of oxytocin is released during childbirth doesn't mean the smaller amount from sex doesn't affect them. Or at least the woman since from what I understand, men only get the effects when they see their child. So I see your point, but at the same time two mature people in a relationship can make it work without the chemical influx.

  3. #43
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by cue5c View Post
    @PeterTheGreater

    Not seeing each other for a long time could be a bigger problem than any chemicals.
    Having experienced long distance love so many times, through my own and my friends' stories, I feel that those who "need sex" the most are the ones to fall first.

    Just because the largest amount of oxytocin is released during childbirth doesn't mean the smaller amount from sex doesn't affect them. Or at least the woman since from what I understand, men only get the effects when they see their child.
    From what I remember, it isn't only a question of amount but a question of the cycle, the series of successive events that form human procreation as a whole.

    Analogy: It is a bit like training a lot for a tournament by playing smaller games. You don't win the Cup if you stop playing after the drills :)


    So I see your point, but at the same time two mature people in a relationship can make it work without the chemical influx.
    I doubt I would have ever survived a long distance relationship if I hadn't known in advance about the dynamics it can be victim of.

    Unfortunately, knowledge is not a common good, or we wouldn't have so many people perishing in the war against STDs, or even loosing love when besieged by multiple sources of stimulation...

    (Often, especially at the beginning I felt more "connected" when talking to a woman here and now. It was only through training and self-focus that I learned to, say, keep my spiritual pecker in my spiritual pants :-) i.e. ignore other women)
    cue5c thanked this post.

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  5. #44

    Quote Originally Posted by PeterTheGreater View Post

    Similarly, only at childbirth they experience the huge peak of oxytocin which strengthens the bond.
    What??!

    You don't have kids, do you.

  6. #45
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by PeterTheGreater View Post
    Analogy: It is a bit like training a lot for a tournament by playing smaller games. You don't win the Cup if you stop playing after the drills
    I think this could be because a difference in our enneagram type and just life experiences, but I don't think you always need to play for the cup. In fact, I've noticed the most successful relationships are the ones that don't even have the cup on their mind. They just live and then things progress naturally. It's like how @MuChApArAdOx and her husband started out as just having fun, but that turned into a 15 (?) year marriage that's still continuing. When you place expectations on something forces come to prey on your fears. It's just that when something is on your mind you notice things you normally wouldn't and that leads to painting false pictures of the situation.

    Of course, everyone has their own way that works best for them. I'm glad you've discovered what you need to do because a lot of people don't ever find out.
    MuChApArAdOx thanked this post.

  7. #46
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkrasputin View Post
    What??!

    You don't have kids, do you?
    Yes, only one, although he's not literally mine. Why?

    Which information sounded wrong?

  8. #47

    Quote Originally Posted by PeterTheGreater View Post
    Yes, only one, although he's not literally mine. Why?

    Which information sounded wrong?
    You realize that many bonds break once the child is born? Couples stop being intimate, etc. Very common. Don't ever expect a child to bring you closer together. You may be obligated to each other for the rest of the child's life, but it has nothing to do with oxytocin and bonding.

    Many relationships don't make it after a child is born. And even the strongest relationships will go through a major shift with the birth of a child. Couples often have to work very hard at rediscovering each other again after a child, if they make it at all. You have to work twice as hard to make your relationship with your spouse a priority after the children are born.
    NaughyChimp, cue5c, Misha and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #48
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by cue5c View Post
    I think this could be because a difference in our enneagram type and just life experiences, but I don't think you always need to play for the cup. In fact, I've noticed the most successful relationships are the ones that don't even have the cup on their mind. They just live and then things progress naturally.
    Maybe the "Cup analogy" was too much of a tournament in this situation :) I didn't mean literally having "the cup" on our mind (as in having a child).

    However, do consider how many aspects of all sciences describing human behavior and nature are based on competition.

    I mean, do we (or any other species!) fall in love and have sex with the knowledge and conscious intention to contribute to natural selection and evolution of our species (or more specifically, of our own genes?)? Do chimpanzees meet every day and say "Hey, let's shag and in a few million years our descendants will look like those bloody humans!"?

    No, they all just live and then things progress naturally :)

    However, there is a pattern in human nature of wanting to outsmart nature. We built planes to travel across continents (or I wouldn't have a long distance relationship...) and we built the internet to communicate at high speed even when being thousands of miles apart (eh, again, without which I wouldn't have a long distance relationship!).

    What I am trying to say is that there is also something attractive about the challenge of getting ahead of the curve even when it comes to love :)

  10. #49
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkrasputin View Post
    You realize that many bonds break once the child is born? Couples stop being intimate, etc. Very common. Don't ever expect a child to bring you closer together. You may be obligated to each other for the rest of the child's life, but it has nothing to do with oxytocin and bonding.

    Many relationships don't make it after a child is born. And even the strongest relationships will go through a major shift with the birth of a child. Couples often have to work very hard at rediscovering each other again after a child, if they make it at all. You have to work twice as hard to make your relationship with your spouse a priority after the children are born.
    I must say that I have experienced quite the opposite and witness the opposite all around me.

    This probably depends a lot also on culture and geography. I am aware that in many Western countries there is a huge attachment to pleasure and everything physical. The lack of it is perceived as lack of love and lack of everything, which leads people to looking for greener grass (or at least CRAVING for it!).

    I understand that with many of the self-centric ideas (not egoistic, but all ideas of putting one's own well-being before others') which have come into being, it can be perceived as hard work indeed.

    Honestly, though, I have rarely seen what you talk about with my own eyes, except on TV shows and in celebrity news, perhaps.

    I also think there is a fine line between what you call obligation and what I view as love earned the hard way, through dedication, commitment and discipline. For me, that is a greater love than that which "comes naturally".

  11. #50
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by cue5c View Post
    For a woman, sex is letting someone enter her. It's a very intimidating concept, but with the right person it's a beautiful showcase of trust and compassion.


    ...



    Only for women?!
    cue5c and Subtle Murder thanked this post.


     
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