[ENFP] ENFP guys ~ more cautious around other guys?

ENFP guys ~ more cautious around other guys?

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This is a discussion on ENFP guys ~ more cautious around other guys? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I find that I am actually quite a bit more comfortable around girls/women that I have just met, as opposed ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists


    ENFP guys ~ more cautious around other guys?

    I find that I am actually quite a bit more comfortable around girls/women that I have just met, as opposed to guys. With friends I've known a long time its definitely about equal. But, when I just meet a dude I generally am quite cautious in the sense of hiding a lot of my personality. Although they might not realize it (i am a good liar :P), the persona they are seeing is just a small part of who I am.

    Maybe it's because I grew up with only sisters, or maybe it's some kind of conditioning from not getting along with a lot of macho jerks throughout my life. Maybe it's because when I show certain aspects of my personality - being comfortable being gentle or earnest, calling things cute, etc, other guys are turned off.

    So, I was wondering if any of you ENFP guys have experienced anything similar? I have noticed it with a couple of other guys I know who would probably be typed as ENFPs... With a simple analogy, it might be that we are like turtles, who lead apprehensively with our hard shell in fear of how the others might react? Let me know what you guys think ~

    PS-> I can't see girl ENFPs having the same problem, but... have you?
    Ntuitive, Adrian Acclaim Cooper and chimeric thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    It's easier for me to make male friends than female friends, so... quite the reverse, actually. My male friends are certainly not macho types who are afraid of calling things cute, though.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    I just can't handle most people. Outgoing, loud, enthusiastic, talkative, energetic people just discourage me immensely. I can never get a word in edgewise with those people. I find that I am attracted more to quieter, more thoughtful people, regardless of gender.

    I suppose introverts are the people I tend to want to interact with more. We can have more conversations with both of the parties talking, instead of one talking and the other listening. Both of us give each other enough space to talk, generally, and they don't mind listening, and I don't mind it either. Both of us want our ideas heard, but we generally don't have the means to do it without being talked over. We don't have to be doing all of these energetic activities or anything like that to have fun.

    Sorry, might have been off topic. I am cautious around everyone until I know them well enough to let down my guard; even then, I don't completely let it down. I don't believe I have done that with anyone yet.
    Father of Dragons, Le Beau Coeur and Ntuitive thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Hmm. I just have no interest in other guys (at least most of them). There's really nothing to talk about with them other than sports or occasionally different kinds of construction projects (a couple of my friends work in construction). I hate it when guys talk about women. It's always so...crude, disrespectful, almost appalling...it just pisses me off, especially when they talk about either a girl I like or their own girlfriends that way.

    Talking to girls has it's own problems though. They all either think that I like them or seem to want me to like them. Either way, it gets in the way of having close real friendships with them. I'd like to have a friend that I can see eye-to-eye with (would pretty much have to be a girl) but not feel like I'm leading them on.
    runnerveran and Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    I used to be like this, but I managed to learn "bro" mode from a good foot ball friend of mine I met freshmen year of college.

    Chances are, you just haven't had that much "bro" time to mirror to figure it out. When I'm with guys, I swear it reminds me of him. He's the quintessential ISTP :P
    Ntuitive and Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    OP yes. I'm like this. You basically described everything. I do have a sister though if that means something.

    It's weird. I almost feel like I can be "myself" or at least a self that I like to be, when I'm around girls. I can express and appreciate certain things with them that I'd almost be embarrassed to show in front of my guy friends because I guess it's stuff that isn't so manly. I have a little different way around my guy friends/ even my best guy friends.
    Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Unknown

    My closest friends are a mix of both genders who have similar thoughts and ideas or can offer me new perspectives and insights. But generally speaking, I get along with women easier. It's only because they're more socially conditioned to have similar points of view.
    Ntuitive and Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  9. #8
    Unknown

    I don't know if it's a type thing. I think it's just that the same gender is more likely to enforce a "gendered social code" on you. With the same gender, people tend to feel more guarded, less willing to express their "true" identity. You might fear a social punishment for transgressing it.

    Unfortunately, traditional masculinity is more about don'ts than do's, or at least it seems that way to me, so with guys a lot of that fakeness takes the form of guardedness and holding back. I'm this way around most men myself, though I'm a bit ashamed to say it, because I don't like it when other men feel they need to act this way around me.
    Ntuitive and Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists


    I just can't handle most people. Outgoing, loud, enthusiastic, talkative, energetic people just discourage me immensely. I can never get a word in edgewise with those people. I find that I am attracted more to quieter, more thoughtful people, regardless of gender.
    I have to agree that I generally am not terribly comfortable around LOUD people, I feel like in having a conversation you have to match the other person a bit, and it would seem unnatural for me to try to be as loud as them!

    Hmm. I just have no interest in other guys (at least most of them). There's really nothing to talk about with them other than sports or occasionally different kinds of construction projects (a couple of my friends work in construction). I hate it when guys talk about women. It's always so...crude, disrespectful, almost appalling...it just pisses me off, especially when they talk about either a girl I like or their own girlfriends that way.

    Talking to girls has it's own problems though. They all either think that I like them or seem to want me to like them. Either way, it gets in the way of having close real friendships with them. I'd like to have a friend that I can see eye-to-eye with (would pretty much have to be a girl) but not feel like I'm leading them on.
    I can totally relate to both of those issues, there certainly can be downsides to both. Personally though I find I usually just kind of zone out when guys talk about girls in an ignorant/disrespectful fashion - mostly because I find it mildly amusing how out of touch some guys are about what girls are like. They act like girls area different species, whereas I think they are just the same, but perhaps just nicer and more emotionally mature.

    Vis-a-vis giving girls the wrong impression - I am totally guilty of that, I think some girls, esp. the girls who haven't had many close guy friends have trouble understanding that those kinds of relationships can exist? I don't know if you can relate but I find it easier to be friends with older women, b/c it seems more likely they see me as a kind of "brother" than as a potential courter/courtee.

    Chances are, you just haven't had that much "bro" time to mirror to figure it out. When I'm with guys, I swear it reminds me of him. He's the quintessential ISTP :P
    Yup I can relate to this, I'm often jealous of guys who have bro-ish relationships! The thing is I usually don't try to act like that because It would feel fake and unnatural - which to me wouldn't be worth the potential closeness. Perhaps I just haven't stumbled across the right kind of guy to "sync" with.

    It's weird. I almost feel like I can be "myself" or at least a self that I like to be, when I'm around girls. I can express and appreciate certain things with them that I'd almost be embarrassed to show in front of my guy friends because I guess it's stuff that isn't so manly. I have a little different way around my guy friends/ even my best guy friends.
    Yes, that is actually exactly how I feel - even when it's something completely unrelated to gender or gender norms, I feel a lot more comfortable sharing personal things, ideas, etc. with girls than w/ guys. Maybe it's just that girls are generally more open than guys? I sort of imagine that if I were to share some kind of un-conventional, personal ambition of mine, a lot more guys would kind of give me an "Umm... okay... why?" response whereas a girl might be more "That's really interesting and cool... why?". If that makes sense... o_O

  11. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I don't really hide who I am. However I DO possess a chameleon-like ability to reflect the person who I'm with without even noticing I'm doing it. The good thing is that all of my guy friends are open and honest about how they feel and don't look at anyone if they have certain traits that many associate with femininity. (although I think they are just general human traits, not bound to any gender)

    All of my guy friends were raised with the same values when it comes to being around people. I guess they're so accepting that I really don't care what other dudes think. I gave up on that a looooong time ago. So, whenever I'm around those types, I'm just ME.
    chimeric, Ntuitive and Father of Dragons thanked this post.


     
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