[ENFP] Ugh I'm jealous, feelings for INTJ is making me feel nuts - Page 2

Ugh I'm jealous, feelings for INTJ is making me feel nuts

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This is a discussion on Ugh I'm jealous, feelings for INTJ is making me feel nuts within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake @ mangosloth Oh, by knowing who he's attracted to I could determine if I ...

  1. #11

    Quote Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake View Post
    @mangosloth

    Oh, by knowing who he's attracted to I could determine if I am similar. I won't change for him, unless those changes are something I actually want for myself.
    And by ignoring him I don't want to play a game but it's to put distance between us so I could move on. I feel like I never get the chance because he's always contacting me and I answer 95% of the time.

    I will definitely try the 'seductive method.' Also spontaneity hahaha that is like my middle name but as a precursor INTJ hates spontaneity. He will not even let me surprise him with his birthday gift! It's that serious. But I'll try, maybe this will be the one surprise he likes haha.

    The last time I saw him was last week for spring break. We have plans on like the 13th, he's spending the night because I live close to some event he wants to go to the next day and he said he doesn't feel like going to his parents place and traveling the extra 15 min.
    But you said you knew he wasn't attracted to anyone ?
    Oh alright, if it's for you to feel more detached, I agree then ! Maybe you can take more time to answer him, or make shorter answers etc. Even if he always initiates, you can have some control over this :)

    Now I read Alesha's answers, I think I remember your thread about this guy who asked you to be friends with benefits. To me, it's quite obvious that he's physically attracted to you, but the way he asked you that (drunk and kinda desperate) sounded disrespectful to me. Thankfully you didn't accept his offer and he apologized (I have nothing against sexfriends, but not in this context, in which you have feelings for him and he wanted to use you because he didn't have any other option...). It seems like he really values your friendship, and is holding his feelings back (agreed with Alesha) for some reason. So, yeah, being seductive and detached at the same time could play in your favor ! I believe the situation isn't desperate at all between you. It might take time but this guy's feelings can evolve. Don't wait for him though, live your life and you'll see :)

    Then he acted offended and was like 'hello we could live together.' Hahaha idk it screams friends forever to me.
    Hm, not to me ! Especially since he'll sleep over at your home soon (to his initiative moreover). Despite the distance between your universities you still regularly go out together. So, there's ground to make things evolve ! INTJs are long term planners and you're in his plans for the future. Which ones ? not clear yet, but as long as there's physical attraction and ambiguity, there's hope !


    *Edit : I'll add that it would be healthier for both of you to have other options. The fact he doesn't seem attracted to anyone shouldn't be reassuring, because in this context he wouldn't want sex or cuddles or whatever with you for good reasons, just out of "despair". He has to be attracted to you because among all his potential dates, sexfriends or girlfriends, you're the best one. If he wants to be sexfriends because he's genuinely attracted to you, I see no problem here, this situation could even suit you since you said you didn't particularly want any serious relationship for now. It just needs to happen for good reasons, from both sides At first I couldn't pinpoint what really bothered me in this story and it's this apparent lack of options. This guy has been rejected by his crush and sought "comfort" in you, which s**ks. Even though everybody is unique, don't forget that other guys can be much better than this one, and that you don't need him ! You'll stop feeling jealousy if you allow you two to consider dating other people.
    Last edited by mangosloth; 04-02-2018 at 02:11 AM.
    Short Cake Cake and Llyralen thanked this post.

  2. #12
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    You're jealous because you don't know where you stand.

    Do you have feelings for him? Tell him. If he doesn't reciprocate, then it's something you can work on getting over. If he does, than that's fantastic. Once you know where you stand with him you'll be able to better navigate your feelings of jealousy. :)

    If it makes you feel any better 5'6" is not tall. ;) I'm 5'9". They don't call me a giant for nothing. ;)

  3. #13

    Is this the same guy that 80% of the people on here told you to dump (including myself?)
    Wow. I see he's still around and he doesn't seem to have much improvement based on your current description.

    You're still young. I will be looking forward to see what experience you take from this situation a few years later.
    Short Cake Cake thanked this post.

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  5. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by Alesha View Post
    Cute Cake Cake, (I think you are the cutest, you know that, right?) unless you are ready to commit for life, put this one on the shelf for a bit, except for friendship. He's keeping his feelings back-- and I don't know, he might have convinced himself that it will be just friends for a while. That's probably the best way for him to keep those 19 year old hormones at bay. That's probably the best thing to do for a while while you have your adventures for the next 5 years and get good and sick of adventures. Forget all about it and go about your way-- stay friends and keep working on your goals. Stay cute and accomplish your goals! This guy is going nowhere. He'll be ready when you are. Forget that I said anything of the sort so that you can just have fun until then.
    P.S. the idea with you two living together-- he doesn't want any distance getting in between you too. He will want to be there when you are ready to settle down. He will not like for any guys to get in between you two--poor thing. I feel SO bad explaining it, I hope it doesn't throw off his game.
    Trust his Ni. Whenever I get Ni information it never leads me wrong.
    Hahaha thanks
    I'm glad I'm not being annoying cause your advise is helpful. Yea I am going to try to go with the flow, every time I overthink nothing good happens.
    Lmao! I hope you're right. I just don't get this part of him. He called me last night and I was like what's up? He was like 'must I always call only when I have some business?' It was a 2 1/2 hour phone call and I think there was words for only an hour....I was busy watching a series of unfortunate events and he was playing a game


    @mangosloth
    Exactly he doesn't even talk about a celebrity crush! I wouldn't change myself for him but it would still be nice to know a general type.
    Oh and the friends w/benefits thing wasn't because he was rejected by his crush that was like idk 6-7 months before. He actually didn't seem heartbroken at all or he got over it quickly. If he asked me to be friends with benefits to get over a girl that is sooo different from just being lonely and depressed. That's a no, being a replacement is a hard no lol.

    And to be clear there are plenty of options, for me at least. I should have added I did try to get over him. I went on about 10ish different dates and nope. Honestly a lot of people my age just want to talk about mundane crap, celebrity worship, etc. sometimes I enjoy those things but not all the time.
    Llyralen thanked this post.

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by Subtle Murder View Post
    You're jealous because you don't know where you stand.

    Do you have feelings for him? Tell him. If he doesn't reciprocate, then it's something you can work on getting over. If he does, than that's fantastic. Once you know where you stand with him you'll be able to better navigate your feelings of jealousy. :)

    If it makes you feel any better 5'6" is not tall. ;) I'm 5'9". They don't call me a giant for nothing. ;)
    That's true. And I did, it was kind of up in the air. I did take it as a rejection until he gave me mixed signals and never clearly said no.
    Haha I know 5'6 isn't crazy tall but I am originally from Japan so I am quite tall there. My little sister is actually 5'9 as well
    Subtle Murder and ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  7. #16

    Quote Originally Posted by Alassea View Post
    Is this the same guy that 80% of the people on here told you to dump (including myself?)
    Wow. I see he's still around and he doesn't seem to have much improvement based on your current description.

    You're still young. I will be looking forward to see what experience you take from this situation a few years later.
    Lol idk if it was that much but I do think the majority said he was fishy. I do think that what I said was perhaps painting him in a worse light since no one here knows him. But he really has been a better friend since then and hasn't asked anything inappropriate. As far as romantic improvements, very true there are none.

    You won't have to wait too long, hopefully I won't be making a post or scrolling through old ones on how to get over rejection by a very close friend :-3
    So far my experience has let me to believe I need to stop finding these kinds of INTJ's ;-)

  8. #17

    Quote Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake View Post
    Lol idk if it was that much but I do think the majority said he was fishy. I do think that what I said was perhaps painting him in a worse light since no one here knows him. But he really has been a better friend since then and hasn't asked anything inappropriate. As far as romantic improvements, very true there are none.

    You won't have to wait too long, hopefully I won't be making a post or scrolling through old ones on how to get over rejection by a very close friend :-3
    So far my experience has let me to believe I need to stop finding these kinds of INTJ's ;-)
    I was once told by a math teacher in highschool a quote that I won't ever forget. Her words may sound unreasonable, but the more I think about it, the more relevant it is to find happiness.
    I want to share it with you. :)

    "Girls, do not ever settle for anyone that is less than perfect." <= 'Perfect' being your own definition of course.
    Short Cake Cake thanked this post.

  9. #18

    Quote Originally Posted by Alassea View Post
    I was once told by a math teacher in highschool a quote that I won't ever forget. Her words may sound unreasonable, but the more I think about it, the more relevant it is to find happiness.
    I want to share it with you. :)

    "Girls, do not ever settle for anyone that is less than perfect." <= 'Perfect' being your own definition of course.
    What if the guys quoted that though? "Guys, never settle for anyone that is less than perfect!"
    Quite the expectation. However, Dr. Laura Schlesinger says, "A real man will swim through shark infested waters to bring you a lemonade." And that's asking enough, I'd say. =) I do think good guys are like that. I've felt like my husband has endured a lot to get me little things that I wanted. Hurray and Yum for wonderful men!

  10. #19

    Quote Originally Posted by Alesha View Post
    What if the guys quoted that though? "Guys, never settle for anyone that is less than perfect!"
    Quite the expectation. However, Dr. Laura Schlesinger says, "A real man will swim through shark infested waters to bring you a lemonade." And that's asking enough, I'd say. =) I do think good guys are like that. I've felt like my husband has endured a lot to get me little things that I wanted. Hurray and Yum for wonderful men!
    And? I have absolutely no problems with guys or girls saying that. The quote also applied to guys but I said the girl version because of this current situation.
    Don't settle for anyone that makes you feel anything less than whole or satisfied is what's meant and I completely agree.
    Llyralen thanked this post.

  11. #20

    Quote Originally Posted by Alassea View Post
    And? I have absolutely no problems with guys or girls saying that. The quote also applied to guys but I said the girl version because of this current situation.
    Don't settle for anyone that makes you feel anything less than whole or satisfied is what's meant and I completely agree.
    =)


     
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