[ENFP] Food, not ready to date, not sure where to turn to

Food, not ready to date, not sure where to turn to

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This is a discussion on Food, not ready to date, not sure where to turn to within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Life is... not so good at the moment. Been getting personally attacked about how I spend my money, what I ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Food, not ready to date, not sure where to turn to

    Life is... not so good at the moment.

    Been getting personally attacked about how I spend my money, what I do with my time, what I eat etc. It's very irritating for a 28 year old, and sometimes it breaks my heart.

    It feels like no-one understands me, has time for me, or will listen to me with the intention of comforting me or cheering me up without first criticising me, judging me or trying to offer me direction. So, so sick of this, and over this.

    I also don't feel like I'm ready to date, because I'm desperate for communication, approval and love, and when I don't get replies to questions or comments it makes me feel rejected, confused and impatient. Maybe I'm not talking to the right guy or I'm in the wrong place to be chasing love. I wish someone would chase me for once. (funny story... I set up a new instagram like 3 days ago, and I've had like 10 men call me beautiful and try to grab my attention, but I'm pretty sure I'm being cat fished). Would be nice if my messages were responded to on the same day they were recieved or at least acknowledged. Would be nice if certain things weren't ignored.

    Decided to focus on myself for the next year or so, get a decent amount of counselling, strengthen my current relationships, get a job, get super fit and lose weight, dress how I want, move out of my toxic living environment, learn basic skills, get a makeover and see if someone is interested in me then. When I'm mentally balanced and happy. At the moment, I feel like some guys like me, but they aren't willing to fight for me, treat me like I matter or communicate with me often enough to not drive me insane. Maybe trying to date an INFJ was a bad idea. Are they worth the trouble? starting to wonder. Starting to wonder if this person even cares about me. Can't be bothered. Too much else going on.

    I wish I had someone to talk to when I feel sad, angry, desperate, anxious etc... there always seems to be an interior motive with whoever I talk to. I don't feel like I have a safe person in my life, or I have people I can talk to about some things, but not others.

    Tried getting prayer but I couldn't find a 24/7 place in my city, and I went after church and the person was quite rude to me, making assumptions about me and my life instead of just offering prayer based off what I said. It wasn't what I needed at that point in time. I know some Christians are selfless, kind and very generous with their time and would have prayed wonderful and helpful things, but I didn't get it from that person.
    strawberryLola, Alassea, saph and 3 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Times like these, life can be stressful and confusing.

    Chickydoda, no matter who you encounter in your life, you're the one person whom you can trust. You're the one person who knows yourself best. What you feel is normal!

    I wonder what some of the things you can do right now that can help you to de-stress.. something simple like listening to a special favorite uplifting song, your go-to song.. blast it up. Dance to it. A funny comedian you can always laugh to you can watch. A favorite beverage you can fix for yourself. Simple acts of kindness for yourself.

    You know how you were when you were happy before everyone told you what you should be doing? Yes, she's still there. That strong woman. You just have to put those headphones on, and do your thing!! Own it.

  3. #3

    I would say that it's not about whether an INFJ is worth the trouble or not, but with all of that stuff going on, unless they're like the healthiest INFJ ever, it's going to get messy. Focus on yourself. Get all the things that you want and deserve. Then you can decide if you wanna share that with someone
    chickydoda and strawberryLola thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    And, here's a speical song to cheer you up. For an extra boost:

    (Because Rick Astley says so!)
    chickydoda thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by chickydoda View Post
    Life is... not so good at the moment.

    Been getting personally attacked about how I spend my money, what I do with my time, what I eat etc. It's very irritating for a 28 year old, and sometimes it breaks my heart.

    Decided to focus on myself for the next year or so, get a decent amount of counselling, strengthen my current relationships, get a job, get super fit and lose weight, dress how I want, move out of my toxic living environment, learn basic skills, get a makeover and see if someone is interested in me then. When I'm mentally balanced and happy. At the moment, I feel like some guys like me, but they aren't willing to fight for me, treat me like I matter or communicate with me often enough to not drive me insane. Maybe trying to date an INFJ was a bad idea. Are they worth the trouble? starting to wonder. Starting to wonder if this person even cares about me. Can't be bothered. Too much else going on.

    I wish I had someone to talk to when I feel sad, angry, desperate, anxious etc... there always seems to be an interior motive with whoever I talk to. I don't feel like I have a safe person in my life, or I have people I can talk to about some things, but not others.
    1.) Being personally attacked is tough and especially hurtful for an ENFP, my heart breaks for you.

    2.) Focusing on yourself and getting super fit is a legitimate goal. Maybe it sounds "SP" of me but sorry-not-sorry. I dropped 45 lbs last year and it's great that I get to date women with great personalities - who as icing on the cake are gorgeous. I'm not Brad Pitt, but I'm fit and well-dressed, have the confidence of a fusion reactor, and my body is no longer a barrier. I'm not at ALL trying to be mean or demeaning to Chickydoda, she knows I love her, but reality is losing weight and becoming fit will help her confidence and legit help her with men. Sorry-not-sorry it will, even good men need an attractive mate. That's what having 30x the testosterone on average, of women brings. Working on your body will bring real, tangible, results.

    3.) You can PM me anytime @chickydoda and you know it!
    chickydoda, Llyralen and strawberryLola thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by chickydoda View Post
    It feels like no-one understands me, has time for me, or will listen to me with the intention of comforting me or cheering me up without first criticising me, judging me or trying to offer me direction. So, so sick of this, and over this.

    I also don't feel like I'm ready to date, because I'm desperate for communication, approval and love, and when I don't get replies to questions or comments it makes me feel rejected, confused and impatient. Maybe I'm not talking to the right guy or I'm in the wrong place to be chasing love. I wish someone would chase me for once. (funny story... I set up a new instagram like 3 days ago, and I've had like 10 men call me beautiful and try to grab my attention, but I'm pretty sure I'm being cat fished). Would be nice if my messages were responded to on the same day they were recieved or at least acknowledged. Would be nice if certain things weren't ignored.

    Decided to focus on myself for the next year or so, get a decent amount of counselling, strengthen my current relationships, get a job, get super fit and lose weight, dress how I want, move out of my toxic living environment, learn basic skills, get a makeover and see if someone is interested in me then. When I'm mentally balanced and happy. At the moment, I feel like some guys like me, but they aren't willing to fight for me, treat me like I matter or communicate with me often enough to not drive me insane. Maybe trying to date an INFJ was a bad idea. Are they worth the trouble? starting to wonder. Starting to wonder if this person even cares about me. Can't be bothered. Too much else going on.

    I wish I had someone to talk to when I feel sad, angry, desperate, anxious etc... there always seems to be an interior motive with whoever I talk to. I don't feel like I have a safe person in my life, or I have people I can talk to about some things, but not others.
    Wondering if there's any ENFP who hasn't ever felt sort of depressed in their lifetime? :) At least that's not me as I had similar feelings around ages 25-28 :)

    That "nobody understands me" part of your post especially klicked to me. The trick here seems to be that we ENFPs actually don't need many people but just the quality ones - to me personally it looks like 2-3 other NFs could do (ENFP, INFP, INFJ) so that you can freely discuss anything with them and bounce off your ideas to them which they'll then reflect.

    I often felt that "mental emptiness" too while I was surrounded by many potentially S and/or dom Fe types (no offense towards them, I just don't klick with them for whatever reason) while I was in my previous relationship. Things are much different now when I only have a few closest people who all most likely are NFs.

    From what I've seen, that physical appearance thing doesn't count so much as we think. Okay, unfortunately it sometimes looks like it does count more for girls than guys but it's not an actual issue in my opinion. I think nobody has been ever left without a partner or date only due to their looks :) It's often the self-confidence and relaxed being which attracts other people.

    Now, even better news is that this confidence doesn't need to rely on our looks or fitness at all and there are a lot of ways to boost it :) Reducing our weight is the quickest way to see some improvements (only 2-3 months unless one has 100kgs of overweight :) ). I've gone through this too. But it's partly a "cover" only without other changes and doesn't pay off so much while other means take a lot more time but have much bigger effect on self confidence. There's ancient phrase: as above so below (meaning that we perceive world outside of us being the same as world inside us). Things have changed since I understood the real meaning of that phrase :)

    And as you see, until you happen to find some good quality people in real life whom you can freely discuss or complain whatever you need, here are a lot of like-minded people who can support you :) Also being on a journey to find your true self could help a lot and this could be done even without other people around. I've seen good results over years trying to understand myself why I am who I am and to not dislike or try to change that.
    Last edited by tarmonk; 09-18-2018 at 03:41 AM.
    chickydoda, saph, strawberryLola and 2 others thanked this post.

  8. #7

    I don't have much to add to what's already been said, but I just wanted to show you my support and tell you you've taken wise decisions which will certainly improve your life a lot ! You can be proud of what you've already accomplished. It's not easy to find motivation when everything seems to be against us. There's no hurry to date anybody, and you don't have the duty to please people who criticize you and want you to change. Take your time to get better, enjoy your favorite activities, focus on babysteps instead of long term goals, and compare yourself to your previous self only. Good luck ! If you ever lose motivation you can come here on perc and we'll cheer you up ! :) you're not alone in your struggle.

    Oh and yeah, music is the best ally. Here's a song that makes me super happy and energized, hope it'll do the same for you !
    Last edited by mangosloth; 09-18-2018 at 06:57 AM.
    strawberryLola, Llyralen and chickydoda thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Just won a second hand bike at auction, so gonna start riding for 30 minutes 3-4x a week or more, walking everyday and I guess I'll have to be more careful about what I eat.

    I told a few of my closest friends about how I'm feeling, and one of them suggested getting some free counselling, on top of what I get already. Have paid to see someone every 6 weeks, it's too expensive to go more often.

    Gonna keep fighting for my independance.
    strawberryLola, Llyralen, Moby85 and 2 others thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Your avatar is hilarious, so I suspect you got some twisted fun humor. You're in a down spot right now. Things look bleak. But the clouds will break through and the sun will shine again. The less expectations the better. Give yourself the space to fail. Don't be so hard on yourself. Listen to what needs to be done. Don't expect another to bring you what you can give yourself. Look inside. Where is this pain coming from? Go inward. A comforting peace is there to be had. It's been there all along. I love hearing people's stories years down the road and when the look back and go - man, I was in a rough spot then and look at things now. You got this.
    Llyralen, strawberryLola and chickydoda thanked this post.

  11. #10

    You are enough right now and there is more--- keep saying that.
    Sometimes the only one you can trust is god... so go ahead and use your faith. Pray for yourself to feel loved. I can't even tell you how many times in my life that kept me going.
    You don't have to be perfect. Broken is beautiful-- let it be.
    I could say a lot about weight stuff and I will if you want me too (pm), that's my in real life job is a dietitian and I became a dietitian after anorexia and then compulsive dieting ages 12-23 and never feeling like it was enough... it wasn't enough ever because it was deranged... but still did a lot of damage. I help people with eating disorders of all kinds in real life and... anything else diet related. But for sure you can only really be motivated by health and by the need to adapt to lifestyle... sigh... there's a lot of years in that wisdom, but I doubt it sounds like it makes sense.
    Also... sometimes music really really helps too. Actually it's usually classical music that helps me... or dark indie stuff... or these... I have a broad range... but these are good for this purpose.



    Edit: I see @mangosloth had the same idea on music! High five, mango!
    chickydoda, mangosloth and saph thanked this post.


     
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