Life is... not so good at the moment.
Been getting personally attacked about how I spend my money, what I do with my time, what I eat etc. It's very irritating for a 28 year old, and sometimes it breaks my heart.
It feels like no-one understands me, has time for me, or will listen to me with the intention of comforting me or cheering me up without first criticising me, judging me or trying to offer me direction. So, so sick of this, and over this.
I also don't feel like I'm ready to date, because I'm desperate for communication, approval and love, and when I don't get replies to questions or comments it makes me feel rejected, confused and impatient. Maybe I'm not talking to the right guy or I'm in the wrong place to be chasing love. I wish someone would chase me for once. (funny story... I set up a new instagram like 3 days ago, and I've had like 10 men call me beautiful and try to grab my attention, but I'm pretty sure I'm being cat fished). Would be nice if my messages were responded to on the same day they were recieved or at least acknowledged. Would be nice if certain things weren't ignored.
Decided to focus on myself for the next year or so, get a decent amount of counselling, strengthen my current relationships, get a job, get super fit and lose weight, dress how I want, move out of my toxic living environment, learn basic skills, get a makeover and see if someone is interested in me then. When I'm mentally balanced and happy. At the moment, I feel like some guys like me, but they aren't willing to fight for me, treat me like I matter or communicate with me often enough to not drive me insane. Maybe trying to date an INFJ was a bad idea. Are they worth the trouble? starting to wonder. Starting to wonder if this person even cares about me. Can't be bothered. Too much else going on.
I wish I had someone to talk to when I feel sad, angry, desperate, anxious etc... there always seems to be an interior motive with whoever I talk to. I don't feel like I have a safe person in my life, or I have people I can talk to about some things, but not others.
Tried getting prayer but I couldn't find a 24/7 place in my city, and I went after church and the person was quite rude to me, making assumptions about me and my life instead of just offering prayer based off what I said. It wasn't what I needed at that point in time. I know some Christians are selfless, kind and very generous with their time and would have prayed wonderful and helpful things, but I didn't get it from that person.