[ENFP] Am I the only ENFP in the world that isn't attracted to INTJs at all?

Am I the only ENFP in the world that isn't attracted to INTJs at all?

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This is a discussion on Am I the only ENFP in the world that isn't attracted to INTJs at all? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hello everyone. :) There is something that I have been curious about for quite some time now. Something I have ...

  1. #1

    Am I the only ENFP in the world that isn't attracted to INTJs at all?

    Hello everyone. :) There is something that I have been curious about for quite some time now. Something I have noticed is how people say ALL the time is that ENFPs and INTJs are irresistibly attracted to one another... and I just don't feel that way at all. I just have never been attracted to extremely serious and antisocial individuals. All of my past relationships were with pretty outgoing guys who were sweet and lovable and brought out and appreciated my goofy side. I always like the guys who make me laugh and who want to go on exciting adventures with me.

    Or if a guy is more on the quiet side, I am drawn to him because of how sweet and warm he is to be around and how comfortable he makes me.

    I'm also sensitive and emotional and the idea of being with someone who is extremely critical and harsh and emotionally distant in my opinion sounds like an awful relationship for me personally.

    No hate on INTJs at all... but I am just wondering if I am the only ENFP in the world who is into warm, sensitive, goofy, outgoing guys and not introverted, cold, logical, critical guys who never smile. I'm also extremely turned off by arrogance and over confidence and people who think they are smarter than everyone else around them and look down on other people.

    Again, not hating on that type and I know some awesome INTJs, but I don't think I could ever truly enjoy a romantic relationship with someone who embodies what an INTJ is like.

    I'm also wondering if I this is because I am a very shy ENFP, and can be pretty guarded when meeting new people. I've heard that ENFPs usually have to pursue INTJs for a long time before they finally get to them, but I definitely am too insecure to continually bother someone without letting me know that they feel the same way about me, since I would worry that I am just annoying them. Relationships usually start for me when someone else pursues me and breaks through my shyness.

    Any other ENFPs relate, or am I alone here? Maybe I'm not an ENFP?

    Btw, I am 99% sure I am an ENFP... though for awhile I thought I was an INFJ or an INFP... and to be honest I debate what my true type is quite frequently, but I am fairly certain that ENFP is my true type.

    Edit: maybe I still haven't met the right INTJ.
    Sygma, R.O.B., TheDarknessInTheSnow and 2 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    @InsomniacForLife Well, I really can't tell what others' MBTI is unless they are willing to tell me. So far, I have met a female INTJ who I liked right away and we became friends, the only thing I am not too fond of (but not a deal breaker), is she is very quiet about her thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc. I have to always question her to give me more information otherwise she keeps the info to a bare minimum. I find it exhaustive. I prefer talking to people who are more on the chatty side but not so much that they are doing all the talking.

    And I met a male INTJ who I didn't like. He was a good conversationalist, he didn't seem shy to me at all. He was very intelligent but the topics he chose to talk about bored me and he didn't seem very open minded to me. We only had the one conversation, perhaps if I interact with him more I may change my mind about him. I think I could have met others but I don't make it a habit of asking everyone I talk to what their type is.

  3. #3
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by InsomniacForLife View Post

    No hate on INTJs at all... but I am just wondering if I am the only ENFP in the world who is into warm, sensitive, goofy, outgoing guys and not introverted, cold, logical, critical guys who never smile. I'm also extremely turned off by arrogance and over confidence and people who think they are smarter than everyone else around them and look down on other people.
    Two answer to this:

    1.) I'm with you, I love bubbly, warm, goofy outgoing women as well as introverts...Maybe a bit more. I thought they'd be draining until I gave dating them a try. Still, I date 75/25% introverts to extroverts it seems.

    2.) I have overconfidence issues I'm personally constantly fighting even as an ENFP lol.

    This song is my anthem I listen to it 5x daily since my ENFJ girl friend told me this was me:

    InsomniacForLife and Llyralen thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    I like the song @Moby85 and I have over and under-confidence issues on sometimes and hour to hour contest.

    Okay, INTJs. They are attracted to me. I have never had to pursue one. They find me, although by now it's super easy for me to pick them out. But did I want one? Not in my 20's I didn't and I married a sweet INFP. What's not to like about someone warm and outgoing and sweet.... yum. But as we get older and our Te develops and their Fi develops there is a core attitude and value system that CAN be very compatible with us. I personally have a hard time with J, my family is pretty much all P and I am still learning about J.
    BUT I think it's probably a fantastic idea to have a J and a P in a relationship as long as you can learn each other's differences and how they work and can appreciate them.
    They aren't all cold or have problems with speaking to others. In fact, I think they end up being quite successful usually.

    Okay, but the answer is, you are for sure an ENFP (obviously. lol) and you can love feelers if you darn well want to. There have been a bunch of marriage and dating poles on here... mostly made by the amazing @Alassea and it shows that we are married or with a bunch of different types.
    InsomniacForLife and Alassea thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Yeah I'm also turned off by arrogant, harsh, cold people etc... fortunately INTJs aren't that stereotypical. At least the ones I know are fairly different from one another and don't exactly fit the description you made (they enjoy socializing, smile, are more or less adventurous, curious, open minded if you use rational arguments to convince them). But they all have something in common which prevents me from really bonding emotionally with them, and wanting a relationship with an INTJ guy. We usually bond intellectually above all. When it comes to dating I need some emotional security and social ease that I don't really find in INTJs (whereas it's the case with other thinkers like xNTPs). Let's say they don't exude empathy or even sympathy. And what drives me crazy is how quickly they draw conclusions without even communicating and checking whether their assumptions are true or false (for instance, they think you did something wrong and distance themselves while you have no idea what happened).

    So you're not alone lol. But I definitely like them as friends.
    (Edit : like some pointed out, it might have to do with maturity, age, health. Right now I might not be the most secure ENFP but I see how a super confident and successful one could be a perfect fit for a mature INTJ. At least, being close for years to an INTJ taught me to take criticism and speak more frankly).
    Last edited by mangosloth; 10-04-2018 at 05:02 AM.

  7. #6
    ENFP

    I don't know how it could be in relationship but I get along very well with one guy I know who identified himself as INTJ (and I thought he's that type before knowing the result). It's actually so easy to discuss whatever we need to (both are idea-oriented persons) and our mindsets seem to be quite similar and compatible with each other. He also thought that maybe I'm the only person who understands him at all. If I was single, I guess his female analogue would probably be quite suitable for me to "handle".

    It probably depends on the age and development of particular person too (I'm around 40 and he's 30 something so we both are "better" people than in our twenties).

    Some time ago I've chatted online to one guy about some mutual interests (we've never met irl) and he identified himself as INTJ too. His communication style seemed to be rather difficult and awkward to me but he was surprised that I understand him well despite he's never understood by anybody and is socially very awkward.

    I'd guess that in relationships or friendships with INTJ or INFJ, YOU as ENFP are supposed to be the "active" or inspiring force who speeds them up and creates some chaos which makes them more "alive" :) In return you'll get some stabilizing effect to balance yourself. That's perfectly fine and also quite easy for you if you really are ENFP (assuming healthy one not depressed or stressed out too much) :)

    We usually are outwards oriented (not to be mixed with being social - I even don't consider myself being a social person) so we don't actually necessarily need another extravert type besides us - I've been with Fe dom for years in my previous relationship and it was sometimes really exhausting although their outwards oriented energy feels amazing. It might just FEEL that any extravert is easier at the beginning but it's only a "learning phase" which will pass quite soon anyway and in long term such features are not necessarily important any more.
    Last edited by tarmonk; 10-04-2018 at 01:44 AM.
    InsomniacForLife and Llyralen thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by mangosloth View Post
    Let's say they don't exude empathy or even sympathy. And what drives me crazy is how quickly they draw conclusions without even communicating and checking whether their assumptions are true or false
    Yes! This was the impression I got from the male INTJ I met. Big turn off. As I recall, he did it with me and also made a callous insensitive remark to another woman who joined our conversation.
    mangosloth and InsomniacForLife thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by InsomniacForLife View Post
    Hello everyone. :) There is something that I have been curious about for quite some time now. Something I have noticed is how people say ALL the time is that ENFPs and INTJs are irresistibly attracted to one another... and I just don't feel that way at all.


    And then we have the annoying INTJs on reddit who are like "ENFPs love us but like we don't care about them they're not that great lol" and instead of like doing something about that, the ENFPs on there are just like "Oh that's okay! We still looooooooove you the most and I want to take care of you INTJs understand us like no other omg!!!"

    And I'm just like:



    Bye bitch. We're not related.

    But just like you, I'm always attracted to the more outgoing and warm-hearted guys. Any individual who fancies himself edgy, reclusive and forces people to pursue him I ain't interested.
    You want to be pursued, tested and for ENFPs to go through 1000+ trials? Here's a kiss goodbye. Go find an ESFx or something.
    Little Egg, iblameyou, Falling Foxes and 4 others thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by InsomniacForLife View Post
    No hate on INTJs at all... but I am just wondering if I am the only ENFP in the world who is into warm, sensitive, goofy, outgoing guys and not introverted, cold, logical, critical guys who never smile. I'm also extremely turned off by arrogance and over confidence and people who think they are smarter than everyone else around them and look down on other people.
    Of course when you put it like that who would choose the INTJ over the NF? I think the issue here is the stereotyping. I used to be so sure that INTJs never made it into my friendship circles or attracted lists but really I just didn't know how to spot them and if this is your criteria then neither do you.

    I recently realised that my best friend is an INTJ and whilst I have debated if I could date her and assessed that we are perfectly platonic, it's made me see things a little differently. She's not cold and unhappy for one. She's incredibly warm... to me at least, she doesn't need to have that warm front with everyone else for me to appreciate her. She's logical but she's not disconnected from emotion, so she's wise too and, of course she's critical but I think you conflate that with being judgemental. Because of her wisdom I can general trust her critical attitude to being on the right side of my moral values so there is no clash there. There are some INTJs I've known who do come across as critical/judgemental because they have a contrasting moral code to me and of course, as with any MBTI type, that would turn me off right away.

    My list of people I've been attracted to (so far) hasn't included anyone TJ or FP... but that could change. My preferences just send to be NFJs and NTPs. So, no, I'm not a part of the INTJ fanclub either but the right INTJ might change that. I can definitely see how compatible INTJs are.
    InsomniacForLife, IssaVibe and Llyralen thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ISTP

    Get yourself a good all rounder. Like me. Who cares about type? ;)


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


     
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