Questions to an ENFP on absolutely ANYTHING :) - Page 101

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This is a discussion on Questions to an ENFP on absolutely ANYTHING :) within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ENFPs, My close friend (ENFP) and I have been nearly obsessed with MBTI lately, though its mainly me who gets ...

  1. #1001
    Unknown Personality

    ENFPs,

    My close friend (ENFP) and I have been nearly obsessed with MBTI lately, though its mainly me who gets stuck on things like this... Anyway, I've been way too complicated over this and am not completely sure what my type is, however once we considered the large probability that I was an ENTJ, my friend and I's dynamic in our relationship totally flipped. She's so easily offended by everything I say and constantly blames "my Te" and says I'm constantly threatening her and ignoring her Fe.... We are constantly arguing and she turns it on me because ENTJs are supposed to be argumentative whereas ENFPs are supposed to get along with everyone. I haven't changed my behavior but we literally can't go a day without arguing and it all seems to ccome from her nit picking the way I word something that is exactly the same as I have always spoken to her... I don't even know what to do about it anymore and I struggle to constantly accommodate to her.

    Typically, these fights start with my expressing my ideas on something. Then she reacts to them emotionally (when I'm looking for her thoughts on an idea...which I've communicated to her) and either lashes out at me or tells me I've managed to hurt her feelings and/or make her mad with something I found to be completely irrelevant to her entirely... Then when I try to explain myself she gets mad at me for arguing, saying that she knew I didn't mean it like she took it, that's just how she took it. It's a nightmare.


    Do you know what she could be feeling or thinking that's making this extreme change?

  2. #1002
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnZephyr View Post
    Oh, absolutely. I struggle with this in a lot of ways. Sometimes I don't want to let a topic drop, but other times I'm afraid to even bring one up or contribute because I know I'll talk about it for too long. I've been told so many times to shut up or that I never stop talking that it's become a huge insecurity of mine that produces a lot of contradictory behavior. xD
    Like, now I not only never know when to let a topic go, but I also never know when it's alright to actually respond.
    You got the 1000th post in this thread.


    I'm pretty sure you win a free iPod.

  3. #1003
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by Aryn2 View Post
    ENFPs,

    My close friend (ENFP) and I have been nearly obsessed with MBTI lately, though its mainly me who gets stuck on things like this... Anyway, I've been way too complicated over this and am not completely sure what my type is, however once we considered the large probability that I was an ENTJ, my friend and I's dynamic in our relationship totally flipped. She's so easily offended by everything I say and constantly blames "my Te" and says I'm constantly threatening her and ignoring her Fe.... We are constantly arguing and she turns it on me because ENTJs are supposed to be argumentative whereas ENFPs are supposed to get along with everyone. I haven't changed my behavior but we literally can't go a day without arguing and it all seems to ccome from her nit picking the way I word something that is exactly the same as I have always spoken to her... I don't even know what to do about it anymore and I struggle to constantly accommodate to her.

    Typically, these fights start with my expressing my ideas on something. Then she reacts to them emotionally (when I'm looking for her thoughts on an idea...which I've communicated to her) and either lashes out at me or tells me I've managed to hurt her feelings and/or make her mad with something I found to be completely irrelevant to her entirely... Then when I try to explain myself she gets mad at me for arguing, saying that she knew I didn't mean it like she took it, that's just how she took it. It's a nightmare.


    Do you know what she could be feeling or thinking that's making this extreme change?
    She's basically using the theory as an emotional crutch; "I'm not [negative trait], I'm just [terminology]" is a byproduct of our era, unfortunately.

    Ask her how she's been going, and have a real emotional conversation with her.
    If she's not willing to, then let her sort it out by herself -- but there's no telling how long that'll take.

    She needs to realise that relationships are an interaction of two parties, rather than one side consistently failing to be nice to the other, infallible one; where one person doesn't express their emotions enough, the other person hasn't made themselves seem comforting enough for them to do it, etc.

    saying that she knew I didn't mean it like she took it, that's just how she took it. It's a nightmare.
    This indicates she needs to learn how to control her emotions.

    Understanding is achieved through a detachment from your own perspective, and then an attachment to the alternative.
    It requires a balance of being able to distance yourself, and connect at will.

    She seems unwilling to detach, and I'd wager that if you brought this up to her, she'd only say something about how "ENFP's strength is in their passion."

    There's a lot of horsecrap that she can use to avoid her problems with, unfortunately.


    If it's a cause and effect, then something must've happened for her to weigh in so heavily on MBTI.
    She'll need to rely on MBTI, or a similar mode of coping, as long as that problem still exists and she can't deal with it.
    BooMonster, Aliceinwonders, Aryn2 and 1 others thanked this post.

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  5. #1004
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by MissJordan View Post
    She's basically using the theory as an emotional crutch; "I'm not [negative trait], I'm just [terminology]" is a byproduct of our era, unfortunately.

    Ask her how she's been going, and have a real emotional conversation with her.
    If she's not willing to, then let her sort it out by herself -- but there's no telling how long that'll take.

    She needs to realise that relationships are an interaction of two parties, rather than one side consistently failing to be nice to the other, infallible one; where one person doesn't express their emotions enough, the other person hasn't made themselves seem comforting enough for them to do it, etc.



    This indicates she needs to learn how to control her emotions.

    Understanding is achieved through a detachment from your own perspective, and then an attachment to the alternative.
    It requires a balance of being able to distance yourself, and connect at will.

    She seems unwilling to detach, and I'd wager that if you brought this up to her, she'd only say something about how "ENFP's strength is in their passion."

    There's a lot of horsecrap that she can use to avoid her problems with, unfortunately.


    If it's a cause and effect, then something must've happened for her to weigh in so heavily on MBTI.
    She'll need to rely on MBTI, or a similar mode of coping, as long as that problem still exists and she can't deal with it.
    tldnr:grow up

  6. #1005
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    ENFPs: Would you be upset if your closest introverted friend called you an attention whore?
    Karma Butterfly thanked this post.

  7. #1006
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Shale View Post
    ENFPs: Would you be upset if your closest introverted friend called you an attention whore?
    Personally, nope. I'm used to my best friends calling me all sorts of stuff.

    Hell one of my closest friends is an INTJ.
    And she constantly calls me an attention whore. whiny.
    That I need to grow balls, etc.
    Shale and rawrmosher thanked this post.

  8. #1007

    Quote Originally Posted by Shale View Post
    ENFPs: Would you be upset if your closest introverted friend called you an attention whore?
    Probably.

  9. #1008
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by AyaSullivan View Post
    Probably.
    I have a friend who has this need to "steal my thunder" or "pull the rug out from underneath me" b/c she is an attention whore. If she sees I'm getting the slightest bit of attention, she is excited and kind of "takes over" in a "look at me" sort of way. If I call her out on it I know it would hurt her feelings. All it does is grows resentment within me and pushes me away ... and the result is her being up my ass b/c she needs acceptance from me.

  10. #1009
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Aryn2 View Post
    ENFPs,

    My close friend (ENFP) and I have been nearly obsessed with MBTI lately, though its mainly me who gets stuck on things like this... Anyway, I've been way too complicated over this and am not completely sure what my type is, however once we considered the large probability that I was an ENTJ, my friend and I's dynamic in our relationship totally flipped. She's so easily offended by everything I say and constantly blames "my Te" and says I'm constantly threatening her and ignoring her Fe.... We are constantly arguing and she turns it on me because ENTJs are supposed to be argumentative whereas ENFPs are supposed to get along with everyone. I haven't changed my behavior but we literally can't go a day without arguing and it all seems to ccome from her nit picking the way I word something that is exactly the same as I have always spoken to her... I don't even know what to do about it anymore and I struggle to constantly accommodate to her.

    Typically, these fights start with my expressing my ideas on something. Then she reacts to them emotionally (when I'm looking for her thoughts on an idea...which I've communicated to her) and either lashes out at me or tells me I've managed to hurt her feelings and/or make her mad with something I found to be completely irrelevant to her entirely... Then when I try to explain myself she gets mad at me for arguing, saying that she knew I didn't mean it like she took it, that's just how she took it. It's a nightmare.


    Do you know what she could be feeling or thinking that's making this extreme change?
    What I'm guessing is that prior to learning about mbti, your friend probably had identity issues and didn't really appreciate or embrace her emotional side and she would let things go. Once she got to understand herself through mbti however, she became "personality cocky" and now has an excuse to accept her reactions to things.
    JaySH thanked this post.

  11. #1010
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophidophie View Post
    What I'm guessing is that prior to learning about mbti, your friend probably had identity issues and didn't really appreciate or embrace her emotional side and she would let things go. Once she got to understand herself through mbti however, she became "personality cocky" and now has an excuse to accept her reactions to things.
    Well said.
    @Aryn2

    I also am unsure where she gets that ENFPs get along with everyone by not arguing...hmmm. I can be argumentative, with purpose, of course (sometimes...). ENTJs are typically direct and to the point...from what I've witnessed/gathered. If anything...it's ENFPs who are stereotyped for being argumentative due to letting their emotions get the best of them. ENTJs are known for being insensitively blunt, as a general statement.

    At least that's what I've come to understand.
    TheWildOne thanked this post.


     

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