Thank you for the advice, well I think it's a mix of shock+ not having done everything I had to to get better, now I am though, I feel better :) thank you for writing all thatWe're so used to making connections and interpreting small details as signs or something out of a bigger whole, that we can overestimate the importance or the implication of a certain detail.
From the perspective of clinical psychology this kind of pattern thinking is associated with depression and the big 5 trait neuroticism. Depression is caused by the blurring of hierarchy of the detail of importance in ones life and the inability to place a certain detail in the right range of implication it could have.
For example, I fail an exam, there's still a second chance two months from now to redo it and I still haven't failed a course, but the chain of thought that goes through my mind is - I've failed the test -> There's a chance I'll fail the other test too -> I'll need to stay another year -> I'm gonna run out of money and will need to get a job -> I wouldn't be able to intern next year -> There will be a giant hole in my resume and people wouldn't want to hire me -> I can give up on the studies and on ever wanting to reach my dream job.
So one small details suddenly ruins your entire reality, and with people with depression this happens with every single detail. So one way to cure it is by starting to make these levels of importance and range of implications clear, and to correctly identify where each detail belongs. Higher neuroticism means higher self awareness, which makes a person create a more bleak self image since bad details are so much more apparent and noticeable than good details(this applies to anything, a small bad detail could transform the view of a whole experience). Combine that with depression and you've got something devastating.
I think these fears you have need to be looked at, don't necessarily trust them without understanding why they're there in the first place. Also, if you still struggle with feelings and thoughts of something that happened a few years back it means that you've still not looked at it properly. What you'd want to do is write down everything that happened and what you think caused it to happen, that way you bring it from the territory of "the unknown monster that always hunts you" to the territory of past experience that you've learned from. We remember things because we still have to learn from them, that's the only reason we have memories of experiences.
P.S Love all the other discussions going on here