[ENFP] Do You Approach People You're Attracted To? - Page 2

Do You Approach People You're Attracted To?

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This is a discussion on Do You Approach People You're Attracted To? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach? Yup. ...

  1. #11

    When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

    Yup. I'm bold. I only live once and I have a deep seated fear of missing out. I crave connections and interaction so if I see someone I'm physically or personally attracted to, I generally force the shyness away and will approach them.

    Also, approaching them and making conversation is a good technique to determine if they're worth my attraction and if I should continue pursuing.

    Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

    Hell no. I actually can't stand people who do this. Watching them frustrate the hell out of me.
    You like someone? Tell them or freaking do something about it.

    Why? Cause it's always going to be a NO unless you do something about it.

    Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

    Don't put them on a pedestal or have that hero worshipping thing going on. That's stupid. They're human, I'm human. We're both equals regardless of anything society says.

    I like to banter and tease.
    datagirl thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie Tran View Post
    When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

    Yup. I'm bold. I only live once and I have a deep seated fear of missing out. I crave connections and interaction so if I see someone I'm physically or personally attracted to, I generally force the shyness away and will approach them.

    Also, approaching them and making conversation is a good technique to determine if they're worth my attraction and if I should continue pursuing.

    Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

    Hell no. I actually can't stand people who do this. Watching them frustrate the hell out of me.
    You like someone? Tell them or freaking do something about it.

    Why? Cause it's always going to be a NO unless you do something about it.

    Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

    Don't put them on a pedestal or have that hero worshipping thing going on. That's stupid. They're human, I'm human. We're both equals regardless of anything society says.

    I like to banter and tease.
    Only noting--as a point of interest--how two ENFPs with the same Enneatype, offer wholly disparate responses to this question.
    I'm strongly SP, though (in comparison to your SO preference), which would explain it.
    Funny how we both have a zero tolerance policy for so-called ass-kissing.

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by Eugenia Shepherd View Post
    Only noting--as a point of interest--how two ENFPs with the same Enneatype, offer wholly disparate responses to this question.
    I'm strongly SP, though (in comparison to your SO preference), which would explain it.
    Funny how we both have a zero tolerance policy for so-called ass-kissing.
    Not just So. I have extremely strong Sx.

    That and I have 7 and 8 in my enneagram stack.

    Don't forget, I'm also older than you so my personality/lifestyle/approach changes with age. You're still in your teens. When I was around your age, I was much more unapproachable and shy.
    Whippit and Eugenia Shepherd thanked this post.

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  5. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by Eugenia Shepherd View Post
    Only noting--as a point of interest--how two ENFPs with the same Enneatype, offer wholly disparate responses to this question.
    I'm strongly SP, though (in comparison to your SO preference), which would explain it.
    Funny how we both have a zero tolerance policy for so-called ass-kissing.
    For some additional SP comparison, because I really do think Instinct has everything to do with these answers. Note, I'm older and maybe bolder, but also extremely avoidant:

    When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

    I do, yes. But it's a slow process. I either try to organically create connection, somehow have them take note of me, create situations of commonality, create patterns in which we will run into each other, etc. And this is a slow process, like weeks or months. At some point I will close the gap and suggest we hang out or something.

    And when I talk about 'attraction', I can't tell if I am romantically attracted to somebody or just generally intrigued. If there is actually attraction, I will fight the attraction even within entering a relationship phase.

    Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

    See above.

    Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

    I dunno, I've never seen myself from the outside.
    ai.tran.75, Eugenia Shepherd, Fru2 and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by Whippit View Post
    ...And when I talk about 'attraction', I can't tell if I am romantically attracted to somebody or just generally intrigued. If there is actually attraction, I will fight the attraction even within entering a relationship phase.
    Are you me? Lol. I won't even attempt recalling the countless instances I've been "interested" in someone--out of innocent curiosity. As in, "I want to know you, under the intention of psychological study/experimentation, or compiling a character sketch."
    If I find a particular individual is knowledgable in a field I'm interested in, has a strange cognitive style, etc., I may encourage a connection. Occasionally, the line between romantic attraction and investigation ends up blurry.
    It could be confusing for the subject, I'd imagine.
    It's rarely (if ever, at all), "love at first sight". That circumstance doesn't compute.
    In contrast, I see my personal -emotional- life as a possession, in a sense; and am unlikely to share too much at first.
    Whippit, ai.tran.75, Fru2 and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #16
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Eugenia Shepherd View Post
    Are you me? Lol. I won't even attempt recalling the countless instances I've been "interested" in someone--out of innocent curiosity. As in, "I want to know you, under the intention of psychological study/experimentation, or compiling a character sketch."
    If I find a particular individual is knowledgable in a field I'm interested in, has a strange cognitive style, etc., I may encourage a connection. Occasionally, the line between romantic attraction and investigation ends up blurry.
    It could be confusing for the subject, I'd imagine.
    It's rarely (if ever, at all), "love at first sight". That circumstance doesn't compute.
    In contrast, I see my personal -emotional- life as a possession, in a sense; and am unlikely to share too much at first.
    I agree quite much with this statement every word

    Also crushing from afar doesn't equivalate with wanting to date the person

    *I never understood throwing away or risking everything for a partner, sure I'm extremely devoted and passionate about my partner now , but that took time ( I've been with him for nearly half of my life)

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    Eugenia Shepherd, Fru2 and Gurndl thanked this post.

  8. #17

    Quote Originally Posted by Eugenia Shepherd View Post
    Are you me? Lol. I won't even attempt recalling the countless instances I've been "interested" in someone--out of innocent curiosity. As in, "I want to know you, under the intention of psychological study/experimentation, or compiling a character sketch."
    If I find a particular individual is knowledgable in a field I'm interested in, has a strange cognitive style, etc., I may encourage a connection. Occasionally, the line between romantic attraction and investigation ends up blurry.
    It could be confusing for the subject, I'd imagine.
    It's rarely (if ever, at all), "love at first sight". That circumstance doesn't compute.
    In contrast, I see my personal -emotional- life as a possession, in a sense; and am unlikely to share too much at first.
    I think there's a misunderstanding with how you interpreted my original response because I related to everything you and Whippit said.

    When I say I approach people I'm attracted to, it doesn't necessarily mean romantically.

    By saying I do approach and strike up conversation with people I'm attracted to, it means I'm trying to build a connection with someone I find interesting to see how it fares.

    None of what I originally said meant romantic or sexual.
    ai.tran.75, Eugenia Shepherd and Fru2 thanked this post.

  9. #18
    ENTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie Tran View Post
    Also, approaching them and making conversation is a good technique to determine if they're worth my attraction and if I should continue pursuing.
    I don't do it with this thought in mind, but I do it for the same reason. I'm just genuinely curious about the person at that point and see a potential. The first interaction allows me to recalibrate and see if the person fit the idea I've had of them in mind. Once I know what they're like, this (c)rush of wanting to explore them might either fade away, et stronger or stay the same. When I somehow stay excited and don't feel like I have to force/convince myself to interact with them and everything goes smoothly, that's when I know that there might be something going on, otherwise I just give up on it.

    There was one such girl who I've seen a week ago and asked out for coffee, she said she can't because she's studying, even for just 20 minutes. Sure, if you don't think I'm important enough to engage with, I don't think you're worthy of my attention any longer. That's when Te goes in and makes me analyze the bad qualities of the person. I've run into her again yesterday and she started walking beside me expecting I'd give her the same amount of attention, haha. "Sorry lady, it doesn't work that way, I know what you're all about and I can't stand you." Was what I thought.

  10. #19
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Fru2 View Post

    There was one such girl who I've seen a week ago and asked out for coffee, she said she can't because she's studying, even for just 20 minutes. Sure, if you don't think I'm important enough to engage with, I don't think you're worthy of my attention any longer. That's when Te goes in and makes me analyze the bad qualities of the person. I've run into her again yesterday and she started walking beside me expecting I'd give her the same amount of attention, haha. "Sorry lady, it doesn't work that way, I know what you're all about and I can't stand you." Was what I thought.
    I'm sorry to intrude but how can you expect somebody to find you important within the first interaction- also there are many possibilities to the situation
    She really is busy
    She isn't in the mood to socialize at the moment
    She is only interested in you as a friend and doesn't want to lead you on but is flattered by the fact that you're attracted to her
    She is shy


    I've had guys crushed on me and i didn't want to lead them on so I friendzone them and they ended up avoiding me- some even turn cold or cocky- it is very disturbing to observe and experience

    There are many times where it takes me a while to know that I'm attracted to somebody



    Unless there is more to the story that I don't know about, if that's the case, I apologize in advance

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    wums, UberY0shi, Katie Tran and 2 others thanked this post.

  11. #20
    ENTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by ai.tran.75 View Post
    I'm sorry to intrude but how can you expect somebody to find you important within the first interaction- also there are many possibilities to the situation
    She really is busy
    She isn't in the mood to socialize at the moment
    She is only interested in you as a friend and doesn't want to lead you on but is flattered by the fact that you're attracted to her
    She is shy


    I've had guys crushed on me and i didn't want to lead them on so I friendzone them and they ended up avoiding me- some even turn cold or cocky- it is very disturbing to observe and experience

    There are many times where it takes me a while to know that I'm attracted to somebody



    Unless there is more to the story that I don't know about, if that's the case, I apologize in advance
    Forget it, I have my reasons and trust my feelings and judgment.
    Last edited by Fru2; 04-17-2019 at 02:38 AM.


     
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