I was teaching my class of 13-15 year olds and teens are not my strong-point as a teacher. I'm learning but I can't just entertain them by being silly like with younger kids, or be relatable like with adults which takes away my main strengths. Mostly I'm learning that the only thing teenagers respect or like is strength in whatever form that comes in.
However, on this particular day this one kid, who can be a good kid but he was sulking that I moved him away from his friends, was testing and probing me the whole lesson (we teach 3 hour blocks with 5min breaks each hour- yeah.. I know.. but the overall teaching hours are pretty decent). I tried my best xNFJ impression and tried to explain in adult terms how this wasn't going to fly. Obviously this fell on deaf ears and he tested me further.
Eventually I crossed my "line". I told him to go see the school head or if not just stand outside in the hallway because I was past the point of caring as long as he and his behaviour was removed from my classroom and my viscinity. I continued with the last 10 minutes of my class, and sent the rest of the kids home. I finished closing down the room and walked out, to find the kid standing silently in the hallway with his head hanging in shame.
Now, in my principles, as far as I'm concerned I can use methods to discipline him, but if I just lose my temper that's MY fault, so I apologised and told him I shouldn't have yelled. To be fair he looked guilty and emotional and told me he should have behaved differently while looking like he was going to cry.
Now, I don't know about other ENFPs, but this was something I've never encountered before. I've never taught teenagers before this year, I've always been a nice entertain-ey creative sort of teacher who is far better with younger kids or adults. I've never lost my temper at a kid to a point where I just yelled "CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT" I was a hairs breath from cussing.
I went back to the staffroom where I of course shared with my co-workers who were basically like "yep- that sounds about right, that doesn't surprise me at all" because the kid can be quite cheeky. It may not surprise them, but it definitely surprised me, I've had moments where I've Te-line defended myself, but I've never been the authority figure being harsh on someone before. Plus, you know, it's that ENFP tendency to see people as the best versions of themselves over however they happen to be behaving at that moment. I felt like I basically yelled at an overall bright and good kid who will grow up to be a good guy.
My conscience is so unsettled by this. What do you guys think? I basically would like some similar stories and general theraputic advice here.