[ENFP] Why Do ENFP and INTJ Relationships "Blow Up"? - Page 3

Why Do ENFP and INTJ Relationships "Blow Up"?

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This is a discussion on Why Do ENFP and INTJ Relationships "Blow Up"? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Llyralen @ Moby85 Ask her out again today, I'm serious. Since she gave no negative indication, she ...

  1. #21
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Llyralen View Post
    @Moby85 Ask her out again today, I'm serious. Since she gave no negative indication, she will want that certainty.

    I remember the first time someone said "I like you, I'd like to go out again." Oh my gosh... that was like the most mature awesome thing I'd ever heard. Anyway, you didn't get that, but you didn't get any "no" and she'll want that certainty. And you liked her? Ask her out today (not to a date for today... for the weekend would likely be good...but I wouldn't let the space/uncertainty creep in... like I wouldn't wait until tomorrow to ask her out since you liked her so much.)
    Glad you had a good time!
    Update: I asked her out again and she said she also enjoyed our chat and has accepted!

    This journey will have a part #2.
    ai.tran.75, Llyralen and Eu_citzen thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by odinthor View Post
    If I may add my mite, as I've seen how things play out: As an INFJ who has had an INTJ and his adventures under close observation for more than half a century (he's my brother), and who (now referring to me) was until recently a lifelong serial ENFP lover (so I'm pretty hip to the diversity-range of ENFP-ness): The ENFP will never receive from the INTJ the profound emotional connection which he/she craves. The more mature INTJ will generously (I'm not being sarcastic) learn how to mimic an emotional connection and say or do "the right things" under defined conditions, which, with the undoubted powers native to the INTJ, may prove of sufficient charm to carry a relationship; but the deep-seeing ENFP will soon detect that this is surface mummery (be it ever so well intended), and there will always be a little voice inside the ENFP plaintively whispering, "But what about me?". And that is why the ENFP/INTJ relationship has a tendency to blow up.

    YMMV . . . but I've seen a lot of INTJ and ENFP stuff, man. ​A lot.

    Postscript:
    Because thoroughness in research is always a desideratum, having written the above, I further consulted said brother (who has a degree in counseling) on this matter:

    "What do you see for an ENFP/INTJ relationship?", I queried.

    Quoth he, after a hesitation, "Problems."

    "Because of . . . ?"

    "I'd rather not think about it."

    That pretty much says it all.
    You're taking into consideration the diversity range of ENFPs, but not INTJs. From observation of your brother.
    Whom you call to make a "pseudo-study" to confirm your own observations.

    Either way, perhaps your brother never let himself and his emotions loose with the females he had.
    Or perhaps enneagram instinct (me being Sx first) makes a difference in that I can not relate in the slightest to what is described above.
    I honestly rather dislike the stereotype of INTJs being cold at heart and incapable of emotional attachment.

  3. #23

    Quote Originally Posted by tarmonk View Post
    Yes, theoretically any combination of persons could match but some do it naturally easier while others have to put in some effort. Ai has explained it well to me at some point why it works for her and I understand it thus I don't argue :) But I don't think Ne+Se is even theoretically the worst combination. Do you imagine that you or any other ENFP could really perfectly, seemlessly and easily match with high Si types without effort (as they often naturally step on our toes with that Si, be it relationship or not)? :) Se, Ni, Te are not our "enemies" but Si sometimes is :) I don't need to be in relationship with xSxJs to see that by myself based on people I've met around :) Maybe it's just me, maybe not, who knows.
    I shaded ISTJs too many times in my videos and on here lol.

    High Se is sexy and relatable. Only difference is that they're more pragmatic and present than us.

    High Si while grounded are also subjective past data that they view as "facts" giving them this insufferable know it all attitude that makes me want to wring their necks.

    :)
    ai.tran.75 and tarmonk thanked this post.

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  5. #24

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby85 View Post
    Why Do ENFP and INTJ Relationships "Blow Up"?
    Why do you want so badly to turn this ENFP INTJ internet fiction into reality? What's about ENFP and INTJ that predisposes them to like each other in particular. Why would this dichotomy be optimal, what is the reasoning behind it? (don't bother there isn't any and I'm asking sarcastically)

  6. #25

    Quote Originally Posted by IDontThinkSo View Post
    I'm asking sarcastically)
    lol edgy

  7. #26

    Quote Originally Posted by IDontThinkSo View Post
    Why do you want so badly to turn this ENFP INTJ internet fiction into reality? What's about ENFP and INTJ that predisposes them to like each other in particular. Why would this dichotomy be optimal, what is the reasoning behind it? (don't bother there isn't any and I'm asking sarcastically)
    Are you ready to give up all of your INFJs?
    That's supposed to be the same kind of dichotomy.
    I'm kidding...

    This pairing is an option, right? But I think it's smart of people to get educated about the type they are dating. What's the point of MBTI unless you use it to help in relationships?
    tarmonk, contradictionary and Moby85 thanked this post.

  8. #27

    Quote Originally Posted by Llyralen View Post
    Are you ready to give up all of your INFJs?
    That's supposed to be the same kind of dichotomy.
    I'm kidding...

    This pairing is an option, right? But I think it's smart of people to get educated about the type they are dating. What's the point of MBTI unless you use it to help in relationships?
    I'm not interested in INFJs...

    I'd argue that if the point of philosophy is to question what it is to be smart, the point of psychology is to question why we aren't.
    ai.tran.75, Llyralen and tarmonk thanked this post.

  9. #28
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Llyralen View Post
    But I think it's smart of people to get educated about the type they are dating. What's the point of MBTI unless you use it to help in relationships?
    Thank you! I think if we're on a forum site such as PersonalityCafe these types of questions are totally pertinent. I try to pay it forward by answering questions people have of ENFPs. I think it's difficult for us to appreciate sometimes how much sharing our inner world and mechanisms can help another personality type. What I've learned here about INFPs, INFJs, and INTJs has been enlightening and helpful in both dating and friendship.
    Llyralen, tarmonk and contradictionary thanked this post.

  10. #29
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby85 View Post
    I think if we're on a forum site such as PersonalityCafe these types of questions are totally pertinent. I try to pay it forward by answering questions people have of ENFPs. I think it's difficult for us to appreciate sometimes how much sharing our inner world and mechanisms can help another personality type. What I've learned here about INFPs, INFJs, and INTJs has been enlightening and helpful in both dating and friendship.

    You have a very good point here. We don't necessarily try to detect which type is best for us, we just want to understand specifics of type of person we date or are in relationship, in order to know them and ourselves better!
    odinthor, Llyralen and Moby85 thanked this post.

  11. #30

    Basically for the same two reasons other relationships blow up, either:
    1) One or both people need/expect things the other is not equipped to give
    2) Poor self awareness leads the relationship down unhealthy vicious cycles and patterns.

    MBTI is not a prophetic tool, it's just an abstract set of guidelines.
    Eu_citzen thanked this post.


     
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