[ENFP] How Do You Deal With Ghosting In Relationships/Friendships?

How Do You Deal With Ghosting In Relationships/Friendships?

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This is a discussion on How Do You Deal With Ghosting In Relationships/Friendships? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I recently got ghosted while dating for the second time. I find myself stressed because both "ghosts" happened under the ...

  1. #1
    ENFP

    How Do You Deal With Ghosting In Relationships/Friendships?

    I recently got ghosted while dating for the second time. I find myself stressed because both "ghosts" happened under the exact same circumstances: what appeared to be a great first date, followed by a woman accepting a second date, and being ghosted a few days later trying to set up the second date.

    My concern is that despite myself feeling pretty emotionally stable it still bugs me and frustrates me that people have done that to me. I treat dates pretty well I think they all would admit. I'm intentional, but not clingly, I don't play games and I know what I want. I'm clear with my communication.

    Have you been ghosted by dates or friends and how do you respond if at all? How do you get over it?

    P.S. I do realize I made a post in January about ENFPs being the ghosters, but this is a case of us getting over being ghosted.
    tarmonk thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby View Post
    Have you been ghosted by dates or friends and how do you respond if at all? How do you get over it?

    .
    Not by dates - no but by friends yeah and it hurts immensely

    My bff from sophomore year of hs-sophomore year of college ghosted me bc she felt that we are no longer the same and that shes exhausted with some of the hobbies or interests that I had - she loved talking politics /ethics/science and share her personal life with me- however she hated when we talk films/actors /literature/mbti along that line and as a 20 years old I the impact hit me hard- one moment shes theres the next she avoided contacting me for months and when I approached her about how I felt the difference her response was we were no longer the same- it took me a while to get over it- mainly bc I was in shock that I lost my bff

    A lot of my guy friends ghost me after they got engaged /married , which is odd and unexpected bc we've been friends for over a decade and I was always taken( I'm still with the same guy lol) but I don't mind it so much- I see that they're happy and that's all that matters

    Not ghosting but I felt like many of my close friends would avoid me when I'm at my worst , they would distant themselves from hanging out with me or contact me, which was shocking and unexpected- but it also shed light on who my true friends really are

    I'm at an age where I realize that if someone doesn't put effort in making a friendship work- then they're not worth my time. Sure I'll still say hi and hangout with them when I see them however my trust and devotion as a friend isnt as deep


    For your case - it sucks, I hate when people think they're being nice rather than to be straight forward, I'm pretty sure you'll get over it soon - but in the mean time- name me 5 things that you like about yourself ;)

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    Last edited by ai.tran.75; 05-27-2019 at 06:50 AM.

  3. #3
    ENFP

    I had to first google what this term means :) So I guess not many experiences with that. Can't see why I might need to do so and why somebody else should do it or what's the process in mind behind that - but I don't have many friends and those who have stayed in long term friendships are mostly very low maintenance friends like myself - with some guys we could not see or even talk over extended period of time but when we reconnect again, it's like time since last such event didn't exist :)

    Maybe with highly social high maintenance people it'd happen more likely as when you don't reconnect with them often, they'll just forget your existence. But anyway I don't have enough energy to deal with such people continuously so I don't worry about that possibility either :)
    Moby thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ENFP

    Just a thought--have you Googled yourself to see if they are finding something that is causing the issue or that they are misunderstanding (i.e., your name mixed up with someone else, interests or views contrary to theirs, something ironic or sarcastic that they are taking literally, etc.)? I ask because I know someone who was (still is!) vocal about the fact that she questioned dating the guy because his on-line presence said to her he was boring and intellectual. It was such an issue, this was brought up during the wedding ceremony as well... Ugh. The timing of both just made me wonder.
    Llyralen thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by ai.tran.75 View Post
    Not by dates - no but by friends yeah and it hurts immensely

    For your case - it sucks, I hate when people think they're being nice rather than to be straight forward, I'm pretty sure you'll get over it soon - but in the mean time- name me 5 things that you like about yourself ;)

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    That's so sad :(

    Per your homework:

    What I like about me:

    1.) Sociable - can relate to almost anyone.
    2.) Can hold a discussion on most topics
    3.) Lower jaw
    4.) 6'1" height
    5.) My writing skills

    @Codas I have Googled myself and nothing bad comes up. Just my Facebook and few commonly available pics.
    ai.tran.75 and Llyralen thanked this post.

  6. #6

    I'm pretty cool with ghosting, everybody has their reasons for disappearing, sometimes they're big, sometimes they're impossible to explain. It's definitely an issue when there have been plans made, or I'm counting on somebody for something important. But I'm just meeting somebody, or don't have any strong reliance on a person, ghosting is pretty forgivable.
    Jawz and Aridela thanked this post.

  7. #7

    I really don't get why people have such a big problem with ghosting.

    Why is it any better for the person who clearly doesn't like you any longer to give you some lame excuse about why they don't want to date/hang out with you any longer?

    Ghosting saves you the awkward conversation.
    Last edited by Aridela; 05-28-2019 at 11:23 AM.
    Whippit, Superfly47 and entropycenser thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Thankfully this hasn't happened to me many times. Most of the "ghosts" were people I had just barely even met and nothing got anywhere. Only one person I can remember I knew for awhile. That one hurt but hey, what can you truly expect from anyone anymore? Everyone talks big but very few people actually walk what they talk about.
    Moby thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ

    Yes - by acquaintance with whom I wished to become friends and who politely disappeared. If it happened every time it would be devastating. Since it happens now and then and it is interspersed with others who keep sticking around it is ok. Unpleasant though. I don't think it is anything personal. You just know what you want and can handle and you see you don't want this person in your life for whatever reason. I do that too when someone wants to be friends with me and it is not a good fit for me or if someone wants romantic relationship and I don't feel ready for it.. I am happier if the person cuts it off like this rather than sticking around because of politeness and people pleasing habits and breaks it off later on after I already got used to having them in my life. I am trying to do the same even though sometimes it is very difficult to say no.
    entropycenser thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Aridela View Post
    I really don't get why people have such a big problem with ghosting.

    Why is it any better for the person who clearly doesn't like you any longer to give you some lame excuse about why they don't want to date/hang out with you any longer?

    Ghosting saves you the awkward conversation.
    In my two cases they were both what appeared to be great first dates and each woman accepted a second date. In one case, I asked her, in the other case, she asked me. Both cases involved things seeming fine post-date and then suddenly...Poof. Before the second date.

    I think after the time, yes even just a few hours, and whatever money I spent on the date does warrant an answer. A lot of people are frustrated with ghosting.
    Marvin the Dendroid and Llyralen thanked this post.


     
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