As the title says, which type did you or are you currently experiencing your best romantic relationship with?
This is a discussion on Your Best Romantic Relationship Was With...? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; As the title says, which type did you or are you currently experiencing your best romantic relationship with?...
As the title says, which type did you or are you currently experiencing your best romantic relationship with?
My INFP Enneagram 9 husband. For sure.
INFJs as well went very well, specifically the best of those was INFJ Enneagram 1, although 4 seems to go very well too.
I enjoyed dating the ISTP 9 I dated
I feel very positively about all of these guys I dated—they were great guys!
I recently am more convinced that men I dated who I thought were INTJs were actually each INFJs.
You know... J was kind of a difficulty for me back then. It was hard to not feel constantly squished in a box by it or basically just that I wasn’t sure that there were enough interests in the J to match everything I am interested in. Specifically one really great INFJ who I dated and who I thought was INTJ (I still can’t be sure) basically only had one interest that made him talk passionately and I was very good at talking passionately about that subject too with him. He was a Poli-Sci major and into Palestinian rights— well that’s fine. And he could talk about people we knew with interest (INFJ I think) but every other subject fell flat. Music, books, almost any subject I would have to turn back into Palestinian rights in order for him to participate in the conversation.
I think as we get older and our other functions fill out then there is less of a P and J divide— less, but still very different. If you go on a vacation with a J then you really notice it.
@Llyralen I am attracted to Js, I find their decisiveness attractive. The double-edged sword of it is they can write you off, or perhaps little better, treat you poorly or aggressively if you conflict with their goals/beliefs whereas I am much more accepting of my partner having different beliefs than I do.
Both my true relationships were with INFPs so for me I didn't have a choice :-/
I LOVE a few INFJ friends I have: one female, one male, and would be most intrigued dating one of them.
I also had one tantalizing date with an INTJ and I'd like to date another.
My dating relationship with my ENFP friend Lana who is still a great friend was the most fascinating relationship of all. We were within a hair of becoming official and still had lots of experiences together but I've never before met someone where we've gone from intense attraction to friends with zero feelings anymore.
I thought maybe you’d want to talk about patterns— what I experience anyway—with each type? I have enough experience with INFPs and INFJs to talk about those interactions with moi anyway. Was there anything specific you wanted to know from this thread? Are you looking for the juicy bits or the pitfalls? Lol Probably the juicy stuff huh? The way you’re replying. Hmm. I might have time for that later. Best moments with each person and their type stuff?
I've had only 2 long relationships over last 20 years which is too little set to generalize anything but here are my thoughts. I don't even remember names or faces of other people whom I dated at Uni times and I wasn't aware of mbti that time either to analyse it.
My ex was most likely ESFJ and although in overall those were not bad times, we had too many conflicts. Mostly about Fe/Fi clash and detail-orientation which is not my preference. Though, it was never boring and something was always going on. But we never truly knew each other despite of long years and she was too practical for my Ne thoughts and never interested in them. On the other hand I was not interested in general everyday topics, talking about children or how friends or relatives are going etc. Two quite different worldviews and when I detect other ESFJs now, I don't believe I'd match better with them. I found out about mbti after we broke up and then it was the first time in my life when I found out I'm actually extraverted - besides her and her friends I felt myself always as introverted person :)
Current SO is INFJ and this pairing does work pretty well. When taken ideally, I see no obstacles to perfect this pairing as the worldviews are pretty similar for us and it's easy to quite deeply understand each other. But in reality there sometimes still are some blinds spots and misunderstandings. Sometimes INFJ could be seen as too slowly moving and stubborn for ENFP while endless possibilities Ne generates could sometimes be overhelming and confusing for INFJ.
We're currently working on that and trying to find perfect balance so that she could be a bit more open and spontaneous while I could slow down a little and not be so restless in inventing new stuff :) It's sometimes confusing for me that lets say, I came to an idea X and she still processes it much later when I already have other thoughts and ideas :) But I can't see this as some obstacle which fundamentally can't be improved. I have sometimes pretty harsh/cold combo of Fi+Te which was issue for ESFJ as it easily offends dom Fe and makes you look like selfish bastard jerk but it isn't problem for my INFJ and she can see what useful it could sometimes provide.
I think it maybe isn't most important aspect how well you can get along with any type while everything is okay but there is difference how and which issues arise and how easily you can solve them with another person. It's important difference as every relationship at least some point does have some issues :)
Last edited by tarmonk; 06-09-2019 at 04:12 AM.
Best as in making me grow and with whom I'm most content with - istp
I've been with my istp partner for over 14 years. I'll start off with the bad - A lot of stages of difficulties in beginning- after 3 years it was smooth sailing- lots of work yes, but I find our relationship rewarding and enjoyable for the most part - he is nowhere near perfect and I wouldn't recommend istp to any type that needs emotional connection- inferior fe can be endearing in the sense that they will show love through action, risk a lot for you and even open up thoroughly if they trust you - I fell in love with my husband bc of the trust that he puts in me- however if I was to be sad over something ( death of a family member, my mother's stroke , car accident , lost of friendship along that line) I would steer clear from communicating with him - mainly bc Ti will try to solve the problem for you and Ni will feed you facts about future outcome regardless the fact that I'm not asking for help or advice- and addressing it will only offend me because I'm not in a stage of struggle or need for help, I'm just sad and need a shoulder to rest on quietly
Ex- after my grandmother passed away, I was telling my husband stories of what she was like when she was alive
He told me that I need to stop talking about her - bc I have a business to run- children to take care of and it's idiotic of me to mourn over somebody who passed away at 102
Despite the fact that I was reminiscing not depressed, I had never have trouble with isolating personal issues from work - oh and that my grandmother raised me my entire life
Course he apologized deeply after he blurted out what he said- but yeah absolutely no comfort when it comes to facing any of my tragic dilemmas
However he would show love through taking me out, buying me snacks that I enjoyed , massaging my head until I could rest my eyes - a lot of act of service- words of confirmation not much during time of stress
He can be selfish in the sense that he thinks that he's doing me a favor when he opens up about his deepest fear - a dilemma that he was trying to solve- his anxiety ( whether it's realistic or all in his head) and I have to remind him many times- that listening to his problems and helping him find ways to solve it ....is me =>helping him, and although I'm always here to listen , he should still thank me for taking the time not think that I'm lucky to listen in to his most private thoughts bc he doesn't share it with anyone
I understand my partners emotions thoroughly and ironically I'm the only person he finds comfort in sharing feelings or thoughts with because I'm the only person he trusted- after 4 years into our relationship he decided that he trust me with his emotions, more so than he does himself . My fi help him introspect his inferior fe better
Now onto the positive- my husband makes me laughs more than anyone I know and we communicate well since day one. We have deep conversations lace with humor and I can talk to him for hours without being bored- he plays along with my Ne- understands my humor and often time would channel along with my imagination , he is genuinely interested in what I have to say and enjoys answering any questions that I ask him, which i found rare - we both have a love for science, history, ethics and philosophy, film art hence the topic never dies out .
Hobbies wise were very different, different social crowd - different ideas on what's fun - hence I rarely ever go out with him or vice versa unless its food or if we're traveling - which in a way help is both in becoming our individual self
He takes care of me in the sense that I'm horrid with knowing when I'm hot,cold, bored, tired, over worked, sick , what I'm hungry for - what music I want to listen to - since we are extremely close - often time we can just look at each other and know the other ones thought - he notices details about me before I do
Together as a team I believe we work well bc my Ne would would provide many ideas - his Se would put it into action - his Ni will envision a future outcome and my Te organizes and provides facts and schedule for things set to be done. I think our function combines really well - or his Ti will narrow down what needs to be focus on and my Ne would provide different scenarios and te would provide step on how to get there . I've mentioned before but I find inferior fe to be very altruistic and endearing, my husband built a theater system for our home bc he know of my love for film, and helped a lot with the funding for me to open my family child practice- a dream of mine, he notices details or what I'm passionate about and support me in making my dreams come true in the best way that he can .
We have never engaged in a loud argument throughout the 14 years that we have been together- and we get along better each year that passes by due to our understanding of one another :)
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Last edited by ai.tran.75; 06-09-2019 at 12:47 PM.
@ai.tran.75 . You made this thread very worth while to look into. It reminds me of the marriage thread from way back when I joined, but this was a very good portrayal. I think we all kind of want to know what it is like inside other people’s relationships—because it’s fascinating and endearing and is like understanding a whole world or life.
I wonder now if I can quite describe my relationship with my husband. It has gone through a reformation in the last 6 months and I am constantly re-assessing these changes. The portrait I’d describe now is different than the one I had a few months ago and I keep coming to new ground and watching to find out what he will do.
I feel like Enneagram describes us best— maybe because our MBTI types are so close. He’s a 945 and I’m a 721. He is: easy-going-unique-analytical and sp/sx. And I’m adventurous/Attentive/idealistic sx/so and those words and their interaction is how this relationship rolls. lol.
Our Fi seems almost identical in some big areas like our kids and worldview. We have the same political views and we share the same religion. He usually has new info and intriguing things to talk about every day for me— I know that he looks for concepts that I will love and gives it to me like a gift.
He’s my best friend. He’s really funny and gentle and interesting and creative. Mostly we love talking to each other and that’s been the core of our relationship.
I am grateful for his more developed Si skills, actually. Sometimes the Si is infuriating. Lol. But mostly good and it is part of that consistent core of him.
With conflict resolution I think it’s hard for 9s to change, INFP 9s are really slow changers. The 4 part of him is very creative and intriguing. The 5 part just gives an edge of being able to separate himself to analyze things. The sp/sx and sx/sp stuff is tough sometimes for me especially with my 2 side and 7 side too. I always want more of everything, but that’s typical of ENFPs. I need that 4 part art of him for the intensity and I needed all the 9, that easy-going core. It’s very comforting. There’s nothing like that in any other E type that I know of.
This INFP really likes her ENFJ, but I'm not going to vote on the poll and skew your results
Some INFPs have expressed distaste for the dominant Fe, but it is palatable to me. I'd have more trouble with dominant Ni.