[ENFP] Why You ENFPs Are Hard To Date

Why You ENFPs Are Hard To Date

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25
Thank Tree43Thanks

This is a discussion on Why You ENFPs Are Hard To Date within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Don't get offended. Merely an observation from an introverted thinker (ixtx). I don't think other types will necessarily agree. 1. ...

  1. #1

    Why You ENFPs Are Hard To Date

    Don't get offended. Merely an observation from an introverted thinker (ixtx). I don't think other types will necessarily agree.

    1. You guys fall easily....And its intimidating.

    Because you guys are very emotional, you can kind of linger on past relationships or dating experiences. But you also are opportunists and that can be even more worrying. I hear about the many crushes ENFPs experience, from first person experience and from internet forums and that ain't reassuring in a relationship. Despite the trust and the fact its natural to be attracted to people even while in a relationship, their openness about it, the social life of an ENFP and their emotions when in times of distress (such as a fight in the relationship) can make the other person worry, despite how much the other person may rationalize it.

    2. They get moody and don't mind being stuck in a mood.

    Was the sex really that bad? Did I say something? Are you tired? Are you thinking about space and time and just realized you're nothing? What the fuck just happened? And why did it happen while I'm with you right after that awkward thing? Sure, there's awkward shit in relationships, but awkward shit is a momentum to move the relationship bit by bit forward to get to know each other right? With the ENFP, they're thinking about something without necessarily doing anything to fix it. They'll tell you nothings wrong and that may be the case, they could very well be tired. But then how the hell am i supposed to distinguish between when you're actually upset and when you're just tired from a long day?

    3. They make grand romantic gestures.

    Okay this is all good. I like that they show they care this way. The only reason why this makes an ENFP hard to date is that it requires care on a basis of initiation rather than passive circumstance. As an introverted thinker (and maybe this is only a problem for introverted thinkers alone), grand romantic gestures aren't realistic relationship behavior and can't be maintained over a long basis. Also they aren't naturally the way I show care. I show care much more through support and loyalty which is reliant really just on time spent. The grand romantic gestures make the relationship live much more on a sentimental backbone, and I do appreciate them, but for an introverted thinker this means something needs to be actively reciprocated back to show you also care and it can be hard for them to think in terms of "grandiose romantic gestures".

    4. ENFPs can be passive aggressive.

    You're late one time, they'll be even later the next. You may say something about what you observed about them that makes them feel insecure. You meant to say it because you like that about them. But they don't see it that way and won't admit to it, so they'll say something to try and make you feel insecure. I kinda like that about you guys though. Its funny.

    5. Your needs can be intimidating.

    You're idealistic and you're social. It can be hard (especially for introverted thinkers such as myself) to keep up and feel disappointed when we don't live up to the expectation. One of the reasons many of the ENFPs are attracted to introverts is the mystery that comes with being an introvert. ENFPs are curious and want to know more and will apply this to relationships, especially because they know that they get bored easily. They will ask you many deep and philosophical questions which you can appreciate but need time to answer well and it'll be asked all on the first few dates within a short span of time. They'll want stories with you, not experiences. They want their friends to like you, they don't want to be seen as a mess for dating a mess. I don't blame them, but as an introvert, it can be hard to keep up steady conversation with people you don't really care about yet have to impress for the other person. They want you to talk to them when you have nothing to say, and wont contribute because they want to hear you talk. They're very much physically affectionate and this can be another difficult thing to return if you're not really in touch with that side. You end up worrying if the ENFP likes you, or the opportunity you bring to having some idealistic relationship and start to question if you currently have fit in with this ideal/ the ENFPs needs.

    6. You can be blunt.

    Something I noticed that is interesting about ENFPs and which I actually like about them is that they can be blunt. How well they take bluntness themselves is a different question. This bluntness can come with an awkwardness the ENFP tends to possess. Because they value the personal integrity that comes with Fi they try to not hurt others feelings but also try and not be someone they're not. They can say things irresponsibly and feel bad later. This can pose a problem for sensitive people, but for the introverted thinker this can pose them another question, "its not hurting me, but was ENFP thinking about if it could?". Alot of introverted thinkers have a shield up and don't like the idea that something can hurt them or even may not feel it, but don't want to feel any less respected and this can make the introverted thinking types not know how to confront an ENFP who can also be sensitive.


    Again, im not trying to insult the enfps out there.
    Llyralen, tarmonk and Fru2 thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    1. You guys fall easily....And its intimidating.
    I... really don't. To the point that I almost question if that's an issue with me. When I fall, I fall fast, but it's rare... it's happened once plus a couple of crushes I decided not to pursue. I've been single for two years now, keeping an eye out for someone but no one even vaguely gives me butterflies or turns me on.

    2. They get moody and don't mind being stuck in a mood.
    I'm an escapist, 100%. If I get in a mood I will say "nothing is wrong" and move on. I don't like to be stuck in a mood at all so I will escape it and focus on something to drag me out of it.

    3. They make grand romantic gestures.
    I really don't. It doesn't come naturally to me. But I make the effort if I think the other appreciates it.

    4. ENFPs can be passive aggressive.
    I like to think I'm more mature than that. If I ever do this then I am not conscious of it. I try to be blunt with my aggression if I feel like my anger will linger over a particular issue... otherwise I'll sleep on it and be fine the next day.

    5. Your needs can be intimidating.
    Well, I wouldn't know about this one. I'm sure with the right person they aren't intimidating at all. I don't think my needs are unreasonable, maybe just not something everyone can help me with.

    6. You can be blunt.
    Yup. Struggling with my INTP friend with this. With a lot of people I can get away with leaving subtle cues, but (and I shouldn't diagnose him) I think he's autistic, he doesn't pick up on these cues. I'm one of the few people in his life he just cuts to the point. I see it as a good thing but it can often cut too sharp. I don't know where the balance is. I'm not gonna just keep going along without him knowing the truth of how I feel or how I interpret his words... I know other people are more content in just keeping those issues to themselves.

  3. #3
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    Don't get offended. Merely an observation from an introverted thinker (ixtx). I don't think other types will necessarily agree.

    1. You guys fall easily....And its intimidating.

    Because you guys are very emotional, you can kind of linger on past relationships or dating experiences. But you also are opportunists and that can be even more worrying. I hear about the many crushes ENFPs experience, from first person experience and from internet forums and that ain't reassuring in a relationship. Despite the trust and the fact its natural to be attracted to people even while in a relationship, their openness about it, the social life of an ENFP and their emotions when in times of distress (such as a fight in the relationship) can make the other person worry, despite how much the other person may rationalize it.

    2. They get moody and don't mind being stuck in a mood.

    Was the sex really that bad? Did I say something? Are you tired? Are you thinking about space and time and just realized you're nothing? What the fuck just happened? And why did it happen while I'm with you right after that awkward thing? Sure, there's awkward shit in relationships, but awkward shit is a momentum to move the relationship bit by bit forward to get to know each other right? With the ENFP, they're thinking about something without necessarily doing anything to fix it. They'll tell you nothings wrong and that may be the case, they could very well be tired. But then how the hell am i supposed to distinguish between when you're actually upset and when you're just tired from a long day?

    3. They make grand romantic gestures.

    Okay this is all good. I like that they show they care this way. The only reason why this makes an ENFP hard to date is that it requires care on a basis of initiation rather than passive circumstance. As an introverted thinker (and maybe this is only a problem for introverted thinkers alone), grand romantic gestures aren't realistic relationship behavior and can't be maintained over a long basis. Also they aren't naturally the way I show care. I show care much more through support and loyalty which is reliant really just on time spent. The grand romantic gestures make the relationship live much more on a sentimental backbone, and I do appreciate them, but for an introverted thinker this means something needs to be actively reciprocated back to show you also care and it can be hard for them to think in terms of "grandiose romantic gestures".

    4. ENFPs can be passive aggressive.

    You're late one time, they'll be even later the next. You may say something about what you observed about them that makes them feel insecure. You meant to say it because you like that about them. But they don't see it that way and won't admit to it, so they'll say something to try and make you feel insecure. I kinda like that about you guys though. Its funny.

    5. Your needs can be intimidating.

    You're idealistic and you're social. It can be hard (especially for introverted thinkers such as myself) to keep up and feel disappointed when we don't live up to the expectation. One of the reasons many of the ENFPs are attracted to introverts is the mystery that comes with being an introvert. ENFPs are curious and want to know more and will apply this to relationships, especially because they know that they get bored easily. They will ask you many deep and philosophical questions which you can appreciate but need time to answer well and it'll be asked all on the first few dates within a short span of time. They'll want stories with you, not experiences. They want their friends to like you, they don't want to be seen as a mess for dating a mess. I don't blame them, but as an introvert, it can be hard to keep up steady conversation with people you don't really care about yet have to impress for the other person. They want you to talk to them when you have nothing to say, and wont contribute because they want to hear you talk. They're very much physically affectionate and this can be another difficult thing to return if you're not really in touch with that side. You end up worrying if the ENFP likes you, or the opportunity you bring to having some idealistic relationship and start to question if you currently have fit in with this ideal/ the ENFPs needs.

    6. You can be blunt.

    Something I noticed that is interesting about ENFPs and which I actually like about them is that they can be blunt. How well they take bluntness themselves is a different question. This bluntness can come with an awkwardness the ENFP tends to possess. Because they value the personal integrity that comes with Fi they try to not hurt others feelings but also try and not be someone they're not. They can say things irresponsibly and feel bad later. This can pose a problem for sensitive people, but for the introverted thinker this can pose them another question, "its not hurting me, but was ENFP thinking about if it could?". Alot of introverted thinkers have a shield up and don't like the idea that something can hurt them or even may not feel it, but don't want to feel any less respected and this can make the introverted thinking types not know how to confront an ENFP who can also be sensitive.


    Again, im not trying to insult the enfps out there.
    Not offensive but massively wrong - as in I couldn't relate to anything you posted

    1. I don't fall easily - it took me over 2.5 years to fall in love with my istp partner. I don't linger in past relationships nor do I ever compare relationships or people. Yes I'm very open - as in if asked I wont hide. Fight in a relationship? I'm not an argumentative person - I've been with my partner for over 14 years - we have never engaged in a loud argument- due to communication more so than conflict avoidance- hence our relationship gets deeper each and every day

    2. I'm rarely ever moody- if I am its unlikely that you'll see me around. I prefer being alone when I'm grouchy . Also your type is intp- base on experience and observing those in my life and the ones online, intp are much grouchier than enfp. I was raised by an intp - one of my exes ( whom I'm still close friends with) is an intp .

    3. My actions are genuine- I have yet seen any ti dom /aux complained about my romantic gesture. I don't scream I love you at the tops of my lungs or do anything that isn't genuine. I observe the person I'm in the relationship with a lot hence if I plan to do something romantic- I want it to be memorable. My husband never complained about the handmade pillow I made him - the book that collected the story of us - the times that I wake up at 3am to listen to his anxiety . Fi derives from within so the actions are always genuine

    4. I dont understand this example

    5. No that's not the reason why I'm attracted to ti dom/aux - I enjoy how you guys explain things and simplify complex matter - I enjoy the altruism of inferior fe. It's funny how you introvert think that you're quiet bc you are towards those you're not comfortable with (I'm assuming) but Ti especially intp when intrigued can talk on for hours - it is an attractive trait. Also the introverts that I'm attracted to found me not the other way around. I prefer hanging out with my friends separately - why drag him along with people he is uncomfortable with - likewise I don't want him to drag me along with his friends. Yes it is important for my friends to like him - they tend to like people that makes me happy. Also 75 percent of the time it's how one talk behind their partners back that gives friends such judgments - regardless mbti type
    6. I was raised by a ti dom and I'm married to one. You guys tend to see negativity and try to fix it which opposes with how enfp tend to see the bright in every situation- both type can offend each other as cynical and being delusional if you don't understand each other well or haven't had close experience with that personality type . There is a difference between being straightforward and honest vs being unnecessarily blunt. My husband would ask me " why do you sometimes open your mouth when you're sleepy- it makes you look stupid " yeah those blunt comments are unnecessary- when something is unnecessary I do get offended and ask what's the point in saying this- is that so wrong ?

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    Whippit, nicoloco90, mangosloth and 2 others thanked this post.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4

    You will see quite a spectrum with ENFPs depending on how we have developed, our values, etc.

    1. You guys fall easily....And its intimidating.

    We certainly *can* but it is not always the case. If our Ne gets wrapped up in being excited about having a future with someone we can really let our hearts get attached. Mature ENFPs will be much more patient and realistic.

    Trust is a deeper issue than just type, it takes character to trust someone and this isn't type specific IMO. I can get over past relationships quickly after meeting someone new.


    2. They get moody and don't mind being stuck in a mood.

    Fi, yea I am a moody guy. Some days, I just feel off. Not my outgoing friendly self but more internal and sometimes just feel awkward. It's weird, but it's nothing to take personally. If you get to know us over time it will make sense. We are open people usually and if we are in a good place we will openly share everything going on with us. Infact we prefer to.



    3. They make grand romantic gestures.

    We are passionate people! I love straight from my guts lol :-)

    4. ENFPs can be passive aggressive.

    It's not like a primary M.O. for me but if I am really frustrated about something and feel like I can't talk to the person about it because they aren't being open in communication I absolutely will demonstrate how I feel thru some passive aggressive stuff. I really am trying to convey a message words aren't conveying and trying to get the person to open up and talk. It doesn't work very often lol


    5. Your needs can be intimidating.


    ENFPs love open dialogue and being able to share a stream of thoughts. We don't need perfect answers cause we sure as hell don't have them. Just say what's on the top of your head! If you are stuck just ask us more questions lol. Think out loud with us or at least be a responsive listener.

    6. You can be blunt.

    In the business world there is something called R&D and something called Production. R&D is research and development, its a segment of the company that is trying new things, exploring ideas, etc. these are half baked and it's really just prototypes and tests and stuff. Production is the group responsible to for making the product perfectly, they have taken the time to ensure this is done properly.

    ENFPs are weak sensors, so a lot of our blunt comments are really just R&D and infact we don't even always believe what we are saying. We should develop to the point we aren't just being rude to people around us, but I do notice people can get the wrong impressions about me because a thought I had was taken too seriously.

    Practically speaking for a relationship you should have a solid foundation of trust and knowledge of your ENFP so that when they say things you don't rush to conclusions about them.

    ENFPs should be pretty good at making you feel great so you should hold that with a lot more weight than their critical off the cuff comments.
    ai.tran.75 and Llyralen thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Falling Foxes View Post
    I really don't. It doesn't come naturally to me. But I make the effort if I think the other appreciates it.
    wow @Falling Foxes is not an ENFP. Who knew? LOL XD


    are you serious? I think I have been romantic since like age 5.

    I would pick flowers in the ditch waiting for the school bus and put them on my crushes desk in kindergarten lol
    Falling Foxes thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by providence View Post
    wow @Falling Foxes is not an ENFP. Who knew? LOL XD


    are you serious? I think I have been romantic since like age 5.

    I would pick flowers in the ditch waiting for the school bus and put them on my crushes desk in kindergarten lol
    That's not enfp related- my estp son does the same

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    Katie Tran and providence thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by ai.tran.75 View Post
    That's not enfp related- my estp son does the same

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    his mom is enfp and raised him well LOL ;-)
    ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  9. #8

    I relate to some of itó or at least see how you view it. I believe you are dating an ENFP.
    I think I put a lot of pressure on the guys I date and the man I marry because our relationship is my most important thing and it has to give me a lifetime of romance. Yes, Im saying has to, why would I accept anything else? Such a huge amount of joy comes from feeling loved and loving. A few years of romance in the beginning will not do. For this, Iím glad I married a feeler.
    I do wish he were more extroverted. Iíve heard other ENFPs say that they date people for mystery, this was never why I dated anyone. Mystery can be snooty or boring. Iím very good at getting to the heart of someone fast and there had better be a well-spring if ďinterestingĒ and ďfair, honest and kindnessĒ. there because it would be stupid imo to date someone for being a mystery. They are not going to be a mystery for very long with the way I amó and if they blocked me then that would be really hurtful. No no, thank goodness I never fell for mystery in and of itself.

    Iím not passive-aggressive. Iím just not. Ií not passive and Iím not aggressive and Iím not passive-aggressive either and can spot that behavior from far away. I do meet some passive-aggressive ENFPs. I have other faults, but this isnít one of them.

    Otherwise, yeah, I do have a lot of expectations. I think it shows a lot about the men we date, actually. I think it shows what good guys you are and brave, actually. And I do think you all are not the common lot. All the guys I ever dated were fantastic guys, not a controlling bone in most of their bodies. I expected tons of respect, I got it. I expected them to intelligently keep up with my thoughts and support me, they did. I expected them to be generous, they were. Social? Not really. But I try to not put my love through too much if possible.

    It shows a lot when a guy is seriously dating one of us, imo, because a relationship is way too important to us, the guys feel it.

    But you are that guy. Yep, I think it says a lot.

    Also... is this why for some years it was so hard to find guys I wanted to date? Yes. I do fall fast for the right guy. Not as fast as him, though. (Married for 16 years to my INFP). Cheers!

  10. #9

    I agree with everything aside from number 1 and it looks like many ENFPs here feel the same.

    Sorry, but I don't fall easily. It's hard enough for me to find someone crushable let alone worth "falling" for. Never in my life (so far) have I have fallen in love.
    I still don't even know what love truly means other than family and platonic love.

    People like to point fingers with the idealization accusation towards xNFPs, but all people look at are the "easily falling in love" direction.

    Sorry but idealizing goes both ways. You can have such high standards that you have a hard time dating cause you find no one worth dating. That is me.

    As for the thread, I'm not sure what you want us to answer or say? Cause you seem to have pretty much figured it out?

    I'm not mad. No one here is. But I will point out that the entire purpose of this thread and its essay based on a specific ENFP you're having trouble with sounds pretty passive aggressive and whiny.
    Last edited by Katie Tran; 07-20-2019 at 07:39 AM.
    nicoloco90, mangosloth and Falling Foxes thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie Tran View Post
    I agree with everything aside from number 1 and it looks like many ENFPs here feel the same.

    Sorry, but I don't fall easily. It's hard enough for me to find someone crushable let alone worth "falling" for. Never in my life (so far) have I have fallen in love.
    I still don't even know what love truly means other than family and platonic love.

    People like to point fingers with the idealization accusation towards xNFPs, but all people look at are the "easily falling in love" direction.

    Sorry but idealizing goes both ways. You can have such high standards that you have a hard time dating cause you find no one worth dating. That is me.

    As for the question, I'm not sure what you want us to answer or say? Cause you seem to have pretty much figured it out?
    wow never fallen in love?! are you really young?


Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-02-2019, 07:19 AM
  2. [ENFP] Food, not ready to date, not sure where to turn to
    By chickydoda in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 09-21-2018, 12:26 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:44 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0