[ENFP] ENFP and ESFP relationship

ENFP and ESFP relationship

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This is a discussion on ENFP and ESFP relationship within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I have been dating my ESFP boyfriend for 2 years, and most of my friends are also ESFP. I dont ...

  1. #1
    ENFP

    ENFP and ESFP relationship

    I have been dating my ESFP boyfriend for 2 years, and most of my friends are also ESFP. I dont find a lot of information about how compatible this combination is. I know it is stupid to ask this question since you don't know us in person, but just in general, what are your thoughts on ENFP and ESFP relationships?
    Katie Tran and Moby thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I've only had friendship with ESFP for what is worth.

    I have an ESFP friend from high school and though we know each other well, I don't feel as close to her as one would expect with our history. We mostly have very different ways of seeing and understanding the world, our N-S divide is pretty noticeable. So there's a certain distance that I don't know if it's possible to bridge. A lot of that may be due to her specific traits that makes this difficult to me, as we don't really have enough common interests. We usually bond over emotional things and doing some stuff together.

    As far as the N vs S thing goes, it can be irritating to me because I see more possibilities in things and she can't process that, and when the time comes for that thing happening she's completely unprepared, which usually hurts her emotionally or causes her stress and this just keeps repeating because it's the nature of SE. I've gotten more used to it so I don't put as much energy into this anymore, but when younger it was a thing that was causing me turmoil, as she couldn't appreciate my insight and so I felt unappreciated in general. At least now I understand why it happens so I handle it better.

  3. #3
    Unknown

    ENFP and ESFP relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Pizza View Post
    I have been dating my ESFP boyfriend for 2 years, and most of my friends are also ESFP. I dont find a lot of information about how compatible this combination is. I know it is stupid to ask this question since you don't know us in person, but just in general, what are your thoughts on ENFP and ESFP relationships?
    Hmm my esfp neighbor married an enfp and 2 of the members on here are happily married to esfp- purple kitti and aledro- so I believe the combination does work well . If anything itís more common than you thought

    My cousin is an esfp - she is the closest person there is to me ( as in Iím closer to her than my own husband - and I love my husband) I enjoy the fi aux we share- she really understands my emotions- get a sense of who I am internally and is very honest when it comes to advising me to do whatís best for me
    Her Se dom- caters to my weak Si - she knows when Iím cold - bored - tired - hungry before I even notice . If I get trap upon ideal / she would use facts to bring me back down to earth - itís effortless to talk to her , since we share the same judging function
    Likewise I have guided her impulse many times( Se is so impulsive)
    provide facts for it and because of the trust and how much we understand each other / we can both motivate each other to be the best of ourselves - not be fearful to face our flaws and bc strong individual bc of the bond we share together
    She always calls me for advice and she trusts my decision over hers many times not bc she thinks Iím more capable but bc she knows how much I understand the real her and whatís best for her ( short Ni vision ) likewise when I get too idealistic she could pull me down to earth- now not everyone can do that but my esfp cousin - can because she knows me so well :)


    My cousin is my best friend - ( met her when we were both newborns - sheís a month older )

    I think the relationship will go well so long as the temperament align- I say regardless mbti - if values and temperament align - thereís more chance of a successful relationship

    A lot of intuitive looks down on Sp on this site and idolize Nt for some odd reason - I wouldnít ask for advice here if I were you

    Iím married to what is described as my worst match - match from hell Istp - turbulent
    Yet Iíve been with him for 14.5 years and we have never engaged in a loud argument- not bc we avoid conflict but bc it is effortless to talk to one another




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Katie Tran and Sygma thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Pizza View Post
    I have been dating my ESFP boyfriend for 2 years, and most of my friends are also ESFP. I dont find a lot of information about how compatible this combination is. I know it is stupid to ask this question since you don't know us in person, but just in general, what are your thoughts on ENFP and ESFP relationships?
    Don't worry about N vs. S divide.
    Notice how there are a lot of N and S couples in the real world who are perfectly happy with each other and notice how they're not obsessed with MBTI lol.

    Anyway, ENFP and ESFP couples are pretty common. We have some ENFPs on here who are married and very content with their ESFPs.

    Two of my closest girl friends are ESFPs and we can talk about anything. Also, they're quite intuitive themselves despite preferring Se dom so I can talk about weird, bizarre things with them and they wouldn't mind.
    They might not necessarily feel or see the same way, but they empathize.

    For romantic relationships, I have had three ESFP guys expressed romantic interests in me and crushed on me.

    Unfortunately, I don't feel the same way but that is not type related as it is just me having commitment issues.

    They were wonderful guys and we connected great. The relationship is peaceful and an easy companionship.
    ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENFP

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, I really appreciate it. (btw english is not my native language so sorry about that).

    I am very new to this whole MBTI thing, but i have tested me and my boyfriend and I am pretty sure that I am ENFP but not 100% sure he is ESFP. My bestfriend happens to be ESFP as well, and unlike him she loves my crazy and spontaneous ideas, and she is never bothered with how I just go with the flow and lack planning skills. When I suggest something to do, it is usually something I want to do in that moment. If i suddenly get an urge to do something, it's like I can't rest until I have done it. It's not like I am forcing the person I am sharing it with to join, I am very independent and can most of the time do it myself. The only thing I want from the other person, is for them to respect that these ideas are so important to me because it just brings me so much joy. It can be things like baking a cake at 2 am, attending a party last minute, dying my hair after I've said it as a joke etc.

    There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop having these ideas and feeling like I have to do it in that moment, at least the same day. This is like the main issue with me and my boyfriend, he doesn't like that I am so spontaneous, he wants me to "tell him sooner" or "thought about this a little earlier". We have tried talking about this and resolving the issue but it never helps. Is this a normal problem with these two types? Any thoughts?

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Pizza View Post
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, I really appreciate it. (btw english is not my native language so sorry about that).

    I am very new to this whole MBTI thing, but i have tested me and my boyfriend and I am pretty sure that I am ENFP but not 100% sure he is ESFP. My bestfriend happens to be ESFP as well, and unlike him she loves my crazy and spontaneous ideas, and she is never bothered with how I just go with the flow and lack planning skills. When I suggest something to do, it is usually something I want to do in that moment. If i suddenly get an urge to do something, it's like I can't rest until I have done it. It's not like I am forcing the person I am sharing it with to join, I am very independent and can most of the time do it myself. The only thing I want from the other person, is for them to respect that these ideas are so important to me because it just brings me so much joy. It can be things like baking a cake at 2 am, attending a party last minute, dying my hair after I've said it as a joke etc.

    There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop having these ideas and feeling like I have to do it in that moment, at least the same day. This is like the main issue with me and my boyfriend, he doesn't like that I am so spontaneous, he wants me to "tell him sooner" or "thought about this a little earlier". We have tried talking about this and resolving the issue but it never helps. Is this a normal problem with these two types? Any thoughts?
    Pizza, you sound like an ESFP yourself to me.
    It's not that ENFPs don't have ideas... we constantly have ideas... but they are more theoretical and concept-driven than what you are describing. The spontaneous things that you are mentioning seem more sensor, material, concrete. Often ESFPs are described as being more impulsive with what they want to do-- so that sounds more like what you are describing.
    We'd have to know more about your boyfriend in order to look at his type.
    ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Unknown

    ENFP and ESFP relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Pizza View Post
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, I really appreciate it. (btw english is not my native language so sorry about that).

    I am very new to this whole MBTI thing, but i have tested me and my boyfriend and I am pretty sure that I am ENFP but not 100% sure he is ESFP. My bestfriend happens to be ESFP as well, and unlike him she loves my crazy and spontaneous ideas, and she is never bothered with how I just go with the flow and lack planning skills. When I suggest something to do, it is usually something I want to do in that moment. If i suddenly get an urge to do something, it's like I can't rest until I have done it. It's not like I am forcing the person I am sharing it with to join, I am very independent and can most of the time do it myself. The only thing I want from the other person, is for them to respect that these ideas are so important to me because it just brings me so much joy. It can be things like baking a cake at 2 am, attending a party last minute, dying my hair after I've said it as a joke etc.

    There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop having these ideas and feeling like I have to do it in that moment, at least the same day. This is like the main issue with me and my boyfriend, he doesn't like that I am so spontaneous, he wants me to "tell him sooner" or "thought about this a little earlier". We have tried talking about this and resolving the issue but it never helps. Is this a normal problem with these two types? Any thoughts?
    Hmm I think youíre an esfp bc your action pertains to being in the moment , whereas your bf could be an esfp as well( idk) but I find some people more reserved than others , even if they do share the same personality type

    Go with the flow is definitely a perceiving trait :p

    Hmm why does it bother him that youíre spontaneous? May I Ask? If youíre not harming yourself or anyone and itís part of you are to be spontaneous then perhaps you should explain it to him ( if you havenít already)
    I highly doubt itís type related- I enjoy spontaneous people so long as theyíre not harming anyone- brings more fun into the equation

    Have you tried coming up with a pro vs con list about your behavior
    Also since he likes to know things ahead of time - you can try separating your social activity and romantic activities

    But honestly baking a cake at 2am is pretty damn awesome - my husband and I used to make creme brŻlťe or cupcakes at midnight ( before marriage )


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Last edited by ai.tran.75; 08-03-2019 at 04:22 PM.

  9. #8

    J's have problems with spontaneity. Some of them say they would like to be told about their surprise party, please. But even Ps can have problems with people who are even further P in how spontaneous they are. Especially introverted Ps compared to extroverted Ps.
    ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ENFP

    That's very interesting! I was so sure I was ENFP but like I've said this is very new to me so maybe im not. I took the test one more time just to see, and it still shows ENFP, here is a copy of the results:

    61%
    EXTRAVERTED

    39%
    INTROVERTED

    64%
    INTUITIVE

    36%
    OBSERVANT

    22%
    THINKING

    78%
    FEELING

    12%
    JUDGING

    88%
    PROSPECTING

    10%
    ASSERTIVE

    90%
    TURBULENT

    I answered all the questions very honest, but maybe it is harder to really figure it out. I have to adress that what bothers my boyfriend the most is that I am very indecisive about things, mostly social gatherings like partys, festivals etc. If someone asks me to join something I will most likely say "maybe" or "ill think about it". Or i will straight up say that I wont go. All my friends that know me well will always respond "yeah right, ill see you there", because I always end up coming last minute (this is because I can't bare the thought of missing out of the fun). I just suck at planning so much, and I do understand that it is sometimes frustrating to my boyfriend. This is something I do apologize for, because he sometimes plans to not attend and spend time with me, and then all of a sudden I just really want to go after all.

    Anyways, I tried coming up with a list of pros and cons with my behaviour, this is what i came up with:
    Pro: Very loyal. If someone close to me (or anyone really) is sad, I will drop everything and put all my energy into helping them. Very accepting of everyone. If someone is annoying me, I will (this is weird) literally try to paint a picture in my head of why this person is like this so I feel sorry for them instead, for example someone who drives very slow and annoying, the second I start getting annoyed I will for example picture the driver being an old man who just lost his wife in a car accident so he is scared of driving the speed limit. Also I am very funny and weird, extremely weird. People always open up to me.

    Cons: Mood swings, insecure, my thoughts don't match my personality (its like I have a negative brain but a fun, bubbly personality), I talk ALOT and enjoy it in the moment but then I regret it later and think about how annoying I must have been, I have way too high expectations, I am very emotional, since I talk so much I will go trough everything I have said to other people when I lay in bed at night and get scared that some things I've said might have hurt someones feelings (like if I eat lunch from the cafeteria at school and say"this pizza is really dry", and then later I might start to wonder if anyone knew the people making the pizza and get offended by my comment).

    I was not very good at making that list but yes

  11. #10
    ENFP

    My best friend growing up was an ESFP. We had a ton of fun and as @ai.tran.75 mentioned, we could connect emotionally. We were both outgoing and he's just a ton of fun.

    There were gaps though. He would get involved in get rich quick schemes and was reckless and unsafe as a driver and using substances.

    My stepmother was worse. She is an extremely high sensor and does not value intuition nor the pursuits of mine (documentaries, writing, reading, museums, etc). Unlike many ENFPs, I'm not the world's biggest traveller - but she was. And she did not respect me not travelling in my 20s. She would tell me I "wasn't living life" and she HATED when I took vacation from work to chill out with friends, drink beer, and play video games. She thought all vacation should be used for travel.


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