[ENFP] How Do You Show Love? - Page 2

How Do You Show Love?

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This is a discussion on How Do You Show Love? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ...

  1. #11
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by odinthor View Post
    The numerous ENFPs in my past have shown their love in various ways; but one common distinctive thread has been that they now and then arrange things such that the one they love gets what they (the ENFPs) regard as a chance to shine in front of others. This is not always wisely or fortuitously chosen, and with Introverts not a good idea in the first place; but sigh they mean well.

    Also, they'll occasionally remember that the loving non-ENFP would like to be alone with the ENFP now and then, and so the ENFP will eke out some "just you and me time" away from the hordes of followers they tend to collect.

    Also, if they are present when someone is ragging on the beloved, they'll quickly rise to their defense and get pretty aggressive about it.
    I assume you dated more extroverted enfps ? Bc as a social introvert - I understand that not everyone enjoys being shined attention upon regardless of mbti type .
    I also see infj do this quite often in a different manner - they assume that since enfp is charismatic and likable hence they’ll set expectations for the enfp to entertain or amuse a group and when enfp couldn’t meet that expectations they get bashed upon


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    NIHM and Llyralen thanked this post.

  2. #12
    ENFP

    Sometimes it seems odd that ENFPs can be so difficult to read, but I think it is because our initial enthusiasm about the new can be confusing for people because we can cool off so quickly without realizing it. Watching myself, sometimes I feel like a Golden Retriever--I get all bouncy and excited, smelling everything frenetically. A new person can assume this means we sure are going to be fast friends, but at that point, coincidentally, I'm done smelling, Nothing new here! Oh, what's that up at the corner...?

    Anyway, in retrospect and in light of this, I think one of the ways you can tell what is going on is how the ENFP reacts when another person enters the conversation. I met my husband (INTP) at work, and we would have these amazing conversations--stuff like, What is art? An INFP also liked me (I was clueless about this), and when he would try to interject into the conversation we could go for a ways (a great trio for conversation), but it was always disappointing. Our coworker's thoughts would ultimately grind our conversation or flights of fancy to a halt. Slowly, my husband was able to see this tell in me. (I didn't think he was interested, and I am the least controlling person you'll meet, so I was never going to push things with him.)

    Also, I wouldn't worry too much about being prepared. At least for us, we both thrive on spontaneity--which is the beauty of two Ps together. I had purposed not to bring up the L word for as long as possible, so as not to spook him. But, after only a few weeks, he mentioned something about his father and I blurted out, "But I'm not in love with your father!"

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by ai.tran.75 View Post
    I assume you dated more extroverted enfps ? Bc as a social introvert - I understand that not everyone enjoys being shined attention upon regardless of mbti type .
    I also see infj do this quite often in a different manner - they assume that since enfp is charismatic and likable hence they’ll set expectations for the enfp to entertain or amuse a group and when enfp couldn’t meet that expectations they get bashed upon


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    If their/our Fe is in good shape, I don't see INFJs doing this, especially as entertaining or amusing a group--let alone being in charge of arranging for entertaining or amusing a group--is something we very much tend to avoid. Must be those pesky pseudo-INFJs. [shudder​]

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  5. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by Codas View Post
    Sometimes it seems odd that ENFPs can be so difficult to read, but I think it is because our initial enthusiasm about the new can be confusing for people because we can cool off so quickly without realizing it. Watching myself, sometimes I feel like a Golden Retriever--I get all bouncy and excited, smelling everything frenetically. A new person can assume this means we sure are going to be fast friends, but at that point, coincidentally, I'm done smelling, Nothing new here! Oh, what's that up at the corner...?

    Anyway, in retrospect and in light of this, I think one of the ways you can tell what is going on is how the ENFP reacts when another person enters the conversation. I met my husband (INTP) at work, and we would have these amazing conversations--stuff like, What is art? An INFP also liked me (I was clueless about this), and when he would try to interject into the conversation we could go for a ways (a great trio for conversation), but it was always disappointing. Our coworker's thoughts would ultimately grind our conversation or flights of fancy to a halt. Slowly, my husband was able to see this tell in me. (I didn't think he was interested, and I am the least controlling person you'll meet, so I was never going to push things with him.)

    Also, I wouldn't worry too much about being prepared. At least for us, we both thrive on spontaneity--which is the beauty of two Ps together. I had purposed not to bring up the L word for as long as possible, so as not to spook him. But, after only a few weeks, he mentioned something about his father and I blurted out, "But I'm not in love with your father!"
    What was his reaction? It's fun to hear your stories.
    Right, if we don't like someone we mum up and won't bring them out of their shell or won't respond as much. We bring the conversation to a crashing halt OR if we like it all then we will keep things going.
    NIHM thanked this post.

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by odinthor View Post
    If their/our Fe is in good shape, I don't see INFJs doing this, especially as entertaining or amusing a group--let alone being in charge of arranging for entertaining or amusing a group--is something we very much tend to avoid. Must be those pesky pseudo-INFJs. [shudder​]
    I'm sx first so one on one interaction is always the thing I crave most. At parties it's pretty annoying because I also want to just talk one on one, so I'll find someone to talk in a corner with and then I'll want to talk to each person in a corner so that I get to bond with everyone which isn't the best etiquette ever at a party. I don't really like parties because of it except that after bonding well with about 4-5 people I usually am so excited about these relationships that parties do work for me every once in a while--but basically that has to happen. Sometimes I put parties together and have relationships already with everyone and even then I just want to bond one on one... so at home me and my partner is often what I choose over anything as long as we are actually bonding and learning together and then away from home doing a class or something is great too.

    I'm guilty, as I've told you, about showing my partner off until my partner refuses a few times, and then we usually talk about it and I obviously won't do it. An example, me with my family circa 6 months after we got married: "I swear I fell in love with him because of this Russian accent that he can do. He's so good and it's so funny. You've got to hear him!" And then Sean, who I am looking expectantly at and is right there just shakes his head with a look of annoyance....and there is a long awkward pause. This backfires a few times and they are never going to hear his Scotsman or his Brooklyn accents either. Or half the other awesome things he can do... but okay okay okay. At least I get the full 100% of him.
    Last edited by Llyralen; 09-29-2019 at 07:56 PM.
    odinthor thanked this post.

  7. #16
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Llyralen View Post
    What was his reaction? It's fun to hear your stories.
    Right, if we don't like someone we mum up and won't bring them out of their shell or won't respond as much. We bring the conversation to a crashing halt OR if we like it all then we will keep things going.
    Leave it to an ENFP to slog through. (Funny, I always want to know the end of the story but always try to edit TMI.)... Anyway, I will never forget the wry look on his face, he paused, and said, I love you!--I can still hear the way he said it. He asked me to marry him only a few weeks later...
    NIHM thanked this post.

  8. #17

    @Codas . Oh that’s so awesome! I’m so glad that’s been carved into your memory.
    Codas thanked this post.

  9. #18
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by NaughyChimp View Post
    So, @Moby ... without putting you on the spot... care to tell us why someone you thought had so much potential ended up being someone who only lasted a couple of months?
    During a discussion where I spoke of dating once you've had a "clean break" with people from the past she revealed she had a "confession." She had an affair on her long-term ex 3 months before she met me. She didn't reveal this to me despite asking for a relationship where we told each other everything right away. In addition, when she confessed she was still in touch with this guy multiple times per week. She also admitted he was obsessed with her, threatening suicide if she wouldn't get back together with him, and angry and jealous about me being with her.

    Too much drama, danger, too current. So I felt I had to end it.
    NaughyChimp thanked this post.

  10. #19
    Unknown

    Hello! In my opinion, the main way to show love is to show to your partner your deep care and interest in him/her. If you are a romantic nature, you can show your care in a more unusual way than other people. For example, you can make some kind of surprise, instead of just asking how things are at work. But in fact, no matter how to show your care, the main thing is just to do it!

  11. #20
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    I'm talking specifically about how they show love to romantic partners.

    I've been dating an ENFP for a few months now. I'm not really well aquainted with the dating or romance world, but if I had to read the situation for my own perspective, I'd say he isn't there yet.

    But I don't exactly trust myself because I don't think that the way I read into things is always the right answer. The reason I'm asking is, I want to be prepared to know how I feel if he were to say that to me.

    Also I haven't really found threads on ENFPs and love oddly. Ive seen it only for INTPs and INTJs.

    So my question for you guys is, when you love someone romantically (not just like or crush on someone), how do you show it aside from saying it?
    I see the love threads all the time. More or less about how some (Might be ENFP) person broke someone's heart and they're coming here for advice.

    When it comes to the feels we can become abnormally shy but eventually, we get over that.

    Really if I boil it down, I show love when I show trust. Meaning if you've never seen me sob, angry, or upset at something. Really upset then you're not that close to me.

    ENFPs are abnormally happy and balls of sunshine. It leaves most people to think we're one-dimensional child-like wonders, which we're not. They call us manipulative when we do show the darker pessimism side of our personalities. This is how some knee jerk reaction happens when we let out the dark side of the force but some lucky ones surprise us and stay.

    When I was in my mid-thirties I always thought it was because I showed my darker side or cried with someone when I fall in love and some lovers took that as I'm in love. Now I've amended that statement. It's not just us showing the yin to our yang but it's the acceptance of the individual we're showing it to. Honestly, we're not dualities like the yin and yang, it's more like 80% yang and 20% yin but when that yin shows try not to run away. It's hard for us to show that side. Once someone stays through us with a hardship only then do you shine like a golden beacon of love.

    Also age. The reason why I'm ending with age is that we have to be old enough to recognize what we like and don't like. Sometimes people can meet us when we're younger and we have not flushed that idea out yet. Plus that's our discovery stage. If you're the first person they've dated you might be dumped just so they can sniff the next flower for comparison. You might have been a great fit for them but they don't know that yet. So age has a lot to do with us staying and understanding love over pure limerence.

    Love for us is being patient enough for us to show our very shy Fi. It is not the same as sexual feelings.

    Being a cheesy goofball in front of someone might show I'm friendly, might even show I'm into someone but it does not show love. It will have nothing to do with gifts for me. I can hand out thoughtful gifts to a lot of people. Again it's about Time and Trust. Meaning I want to spend my very precious time with you discussing the universe and other oddities and I want to trust you when it all goes dark.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby View Post
    I've only truly been in love ONCE so probably too small of a sample size so far.

    But I would give lots of words of affirmation and quality time to my girlfriend. I would make spontaneous choices that showed effort such as randomly drive 1-1/4 hours to see her. I would buy her thoughtful gifts.

    I'm pretty sure I'll get to the love stage with my current girlfriend of six weeks, the ENFJ I mentioned I started dating beginning of July, so we'll see what happens...
    I only liked this post because I'm still interested in the ENFJ relationship and love seeing when you mention it. *teases*

    Quote Originally Posted by odinthor View Post
    The numerous ENFPs in my past have shown their love in various ways; but one common distinctive thread has been that they now and then arrange things such that the one they love gets what they (the ENFPs) regard as a chance to shine in front of others. This is not always wisely or fortuitously chosen, and with Introverts not a good idea in the first place; but sigh they mean well.

    Also, they'll occasionally remember that the loving non-ENFP would like to be alone with the ENFP now and then, and so the ENFP will eke out some "just you and me time" away from the hordes of followers they tend to collect.

    Also, if they are present when someone is ragging on the beloved, they'll quickly rise to their defense and get pretty aggressive about it.
    The bolded part is the only thing I agree with you. It's probably the only time you can catch me angry.

    The other stuff, jeez. Who wants the hoards of followers? That sounds exhausting. I have way too much time to spend on books, art, theories, contraptions, cooking, and you name it to be with a lot of people. One person maybe two but hoards? I would hate that. I get excited when people cancel on me so I don't have to leave the house. I don't need a lot of people, I just need one. The right person.

    Quote Originally Posted by ai.tran.75 View Post
    I assume you dated more extroverted enfps ? Bc as a social introvert - I understand that not everyone enjoys being shined attention upon regardless of mbti type .
    I also see infj do this quite often in a different manner - they assume that since enfp is charismatic and likable hence they’ll set expectations for the enfp to entertain or amuse a group and when enfp couldn’t meet that expectations they get bashed upon


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    The reason why you said that is because it sounds nothing like an ENFP. I'll say it and be blunt with it. That's the most extroverted ENFP I've ever heard of. I've never seen that.

    Right? I see sooo many threads about that in the INFJ section. The first year I was on this site in the INFJ section, 2014. I think I counted maybe five posts on the first page dissing ENFPs and expressing that we're airheads because some INFJ dated a very young ENFP ( or so that's who he thought he was dating.) A lot of the time it turned out to be an ESFJ or ESFP. It cracks me up. It's actually in the INFJ section that I read the most about how we're these manipulative little creatures, how dare we have this unknown dark side. Like they miss the obvious that we're human beings, of course, we're not one dimensional.

    My brother in law (INFJ) was shocked to see me cry recently. He's never seen me cry in front of him. Not that raw emotion. That gut-wrenching you want to leave the room and a person just found out some serious dreadful news emotion. It's that type of news to make an INTJ tear up so you can imagine how it was for all the feelers. He surprised me in a good way. We were both surprised. He thought I was just a one-trick pony always happy and cheerful. He was like wow, I didn't know you had that in you but instead of a negative knee jerk reaction, we became closer. It took him forever to warm up to me. Like four years and I still think I'm getting him to like me more as the years progress. He wouldn't have even seen that side of me if my best friend (ISFJ) wasn't in the room and now she's my new sister in law married to him so I had to go over my will with them and that she's my back up power of attorney. Anyways him staying and not being negative and you could see the respect in his eyes really made me realize the love. It's not romantic love but I still do love him.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby View Post
    During a discussion where I spoke of dating once you've had a "clean break" with people from the past she revealed she had a "confession." She had an affair on her long-term ex 3 months before she met me. She didn't reveal this to me despite asking for a relationship where we told each other everything right away. In addition, when she confessed she was still in touch with this guy multiple times per week. She also admitted he was obsessed with her, threatening suicide if she wouldn't get back together with him, and angry and jealous about me being with her.

    Too much drama, danger, too current. So I felt I had to end it.
    Wait you ended it with the ENFJ??? Oh, wait this is an older post. Crap. I hate when this happens. I'm just getting caught up.
    Last edited by NIHM; 12-12-2019 at 12:47 PM.
    ai.tran.75 and Sygma thanked this post.


     
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