[ENFP] How Do You Show Love?

How Do You Show Love?

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This is a discussion on How Do You Show Love? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I'm talking specifically about how they show love to romantic partners . I've been dating an ENFP for a few ...

  1. #1

    How Do You Show Love?

    I'm talking specifically about how they show love to romantic partners.

    I've been dating an ENFP for a few months now. I'm not really well aquainted with the dating or romance world, but if I had to read the situation for my own perspective, I'd say he isn't there yet.

    But I don't exactly trust myself because I don't think that the way I read into things is always the right answer. The reason I'm asking is, I want to be prepared to know how I feel if he were to say that to me.

    Also I haven't really found threads on ENFPs and love oddly. Ive seen it only for INTPs and INTJs.

    So my question for you guys is, when you love someone romantically (not just like or crush on someone), how do you show it aside from saying it?
    Moby thanked this post.

  2. #2

    How Do You Show Love?

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    So my question for you guys is, when you love someone romantically (not just like or crush on someone), how do you show it aside from saying it?
    I take in the anger and objectives criticism and try to improve myself
    * listen attentively to my partners problem
    * make gifts or buy little things they enjoy for surprises that I know theyíll enjoy ( bc theyíve mentioned it or through deeply observing them )
    * Iíll take on larger matters ( ex if partner needs to sleep in ) Iíll wake up extra early to run errands or use my lunch break to run their errands for them instead of having my own and I do so genuinely without any effort put in
    *i keep whatever personal matter between us and only us
    * Iíll wake up at anytime to listen to their anxiety - problems- nagging
    * I keep my problems to myself if I know it makes them uncomfortable
    * I donít raise my voice or yell at them but rather try to understand and listen to their problems or their anger or frustrations and ask questions that would lead them into finding their own answers
    * I put more money into raising our children despite the fact that they make 3 times my income
    * If a family member of mine was to pass away or if I were suffer any sort of trauma and I know theyíre uncomfortable with emotion Iíll keep my emotions to myself - and Iíll still listen to their minor problems about anxiety or whatever they enjoy nagging about
    * Iíll cook for them at any time of the day
    * Iíll talk to them when theyíre anxious and banter or use humor to lighten their anxiety
    * I observe their interest - values- what motivate them and what excites them
    * I donít try to change who they are
    * probably risk my life for them If kids werenít involved
    * pretend Iím warm so they wonít get cold and offer them to grab my neck or back
    * tolerate their nit picking and tell them directly that what theyíre doing isnít getting to anywhere
    * truthful about telling them their flaws - what their positive and negative traits are
    * I think itís quite obvious to see how devoted Iím am and how much I express love-assuming this person is a good person that is also in love with me
    * itís rare for me to say I love you so if I ever do it took a lot of courage to muster it up - also itís rare for me to say I love you before they did( I never had ) nor would I say it in a moment that would make them feel uncomfortable

    Hope that helps

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #3

    I guess all of our threads on love get buried. :(

    Do you think there's a common thread between all of us when it comes to showing love? I'm sure we all express differently to your specific ENFP.

    On average, the ENFPs here have done the love languages test and pretty consistently we favour Words of Affirmation, Physical Affection and Quality Time the most (varying levels of preference). Having said that Ai's response is mostly acts of service and gifts... so, make of my information as you will.

    I don't have a specific thing that I would do for all partners when it comes to showing affection, because I try to adapt and please their needs I respond to their positive reactions to repeat the effect again. I can be the romantic who demonstrates that with wild adventures or I could just sit next to them, close and do nothing all day (maybe reading my own thing) as if there is passive love radiation between us.

    Are you concerned that your particular ENFP model is not displaying affection in a way that you recognise?
    NIHM and Moby thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Little things. My ENFP ex would purposely be cheesy and goofy a lot of the times, lots of teasing, cute things like writing hand written notes and leaving it at the window of my car.

    Mostly little things- sweet but simple surprises- here and there.

    If you're anticipating on how he'll say it, and how you'll feel in response, that's tough, because you know that at that point there's a level of connection that's indescribable. And if you feel a little scared, that's totally normal. It's weird when you find someone you both feel that intrinsic connection with. And it's not the showy things that people do. You'll know it's real when it's natural.

    I think the key thing is- your happiness together and the ability to stick it out through thick and thin- not letting each other go to bed angry- really communicating, and having fun, in general- fun but committed. Sounds like things may be sizzling a little? This guy sounds (if we're talking about the same one) kinda young or not used to being in a relationship, maybe?
    ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  6. #5

    I've only truly been in love ONCE so probably too small of a sample size so far.

    But I would give lots of words of affirmation and quality time to my girlfriend. I would make spontaneous choices that showed effort such as randomly drive 1-1/4 hours to see her. I would buy her thoughtful gifts.

    I'm pretty sure I'll get to the love stage with my current girlfriend of six weeks, the ENFJ I mentioned I started dating beginning of July, so we'll see what happens...
    NIHM and INForJoking thanked this post.

  7. #6

    It’s just so obvious when we’re in love love. We don’t hide it we give you tons of attention and affection and we’re very touchy feely.. we surprise you all the time. Buy you nice little random gifts. I don’t think you would have to question an enfps love if it’s there.
    njeaniously thanked this post.

  8. #7

    I'd say it's not that obvious :) No big words of affirmation or gifts etc from me but I show it as small acts or uncommon compliments. Love as act not a feeling makes sense to me. Feelings are inside of the feeler's head only, they don't make sense to anybody else.
    NIHM and Falling Foxes thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    A lot of it depends on whom I love. ENFPs are very creative lovers genuinely interested in authentically connecting with their partners. So, I suspect we are all amazing at tailoring how we show love, depending on the recipient.

    In my case? Here are a few small examples...
    - I try to learn enough about the loved interests that even if I am not particularly interested in it myself, I can support it in him. So, an ex who loved mid-century modern architecture, I researched and checked out 5 books on the subject from the public library when we were going to be spending a weekend together, so he'd have some reading material in MY house that appealed to HIM. I keep my eyes peeled for newspaper and magazine articles on any topics that are of interest to them.
    - I try to notice how much alone time they require and give it to them. My INFP love: I scheduled lots and lots of quiet date nights at home, watching intellectual movies and reading while entwined on the sofa. MY ENTP love: planning dinners out and at home with groups of friends (even though I'm less social than this, on my own).
    - Biting my tongue. My Ne is always generating ideas, including how a person can be a better partner to me, improve his life, improve relationships with his sibs, etc. When I'm in love with someone, I often burst with wanting to share these brainstorming results with them... hahah. I've learned it's more loving to wait until I am asked, or until I absolutely feel like I will die if i don't give them an insightful morsel. Biting my tongue ain't easy, but doing it once in a while certainly makes for smoother relationships.
    ai.tran.75 and Falling Foxes thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby View Post
    I'm pretty sure I'll get to the love stage with my current girlfriend of six weeks, the ENFJ I mentioned I started dating beginning of July, so we'll see what happens...
    So, @Moby ... without putting you on the spot... care to tell us why someone you thought had so much potential ended up being someone who only lasted a couple of months?
    NIHM and Moby thanked this post.

  11. #10

    The numerous ENFPs in my past have shown their love in various ways; but one common distinctive thread has been that they now and then arrange things such that the one they love gets what they (the ENFPs) regard as a chance to shine in front of others. This is not always wisely or fortuitously chosen, and with Introverts not a good idea in the first place; but sigh they mean well.

    Also, they'll occasionally remember that the loving non-ENFP would like to be alone with the ENFP now and then, and so the ENFP will eke out some "just you and me time" away from the hordes of followers they tend to collect.

    Also, if they are present when someone is ragging on the beloved, they'll quickly rise to their defense and get pretty aggressive about it.

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