[ENFP] ENFP and criticism

ENFP and criticism

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This is a discussion on ENFP and criticism within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Feel free to answer even if you're not an ENFP. Due to personal interest i put this in the ENFP ...

  1. #1

    ENFP and criticism

    Feel free to answer even if you're not an ENFP. Due to personal interest i put this in the ENFP subforum.

    What kind of criticism to you prefer? Polite? Strict? Straight up honest? As nice as possible?
    Basically what's the worst way to criticize you and what is the best?
    How do you react when you are criticized (depending on the type of criticism)?




    If a thread similar to this topic already exists I would be thankful to have a look at it.
    Llyralen thanked this post.



  2. #2

    feelsbad

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Kommandant View Post
    feelsbad
    Aha, don't feel bad (you're so cute btw.)
    So happy to see another ESTJ on here!

    Most ENFPs don't reply during the day (my US Eastern time) for some reason. :/
    Kommandant thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Kommandant View Post
    Feel free to answer even if you're not an ENFP. Due to personal interest i put this in the ENFP subforum.

    What kind of criticism to you prefer? Polite? Strict? Straight up honest? As nice as possible?
    Basically what's the worst way to criticize you and what is the best?
    How do you react when you are criticized (depending on the type of criticism)?




    If a thread similar to this topic already exists I would be thankful to have a look at it.
    What kind of criticism to you prefer? Polite? Strict? Straight up honest? As nice as possible?
    I like polite criticism that is as blunt and honest as possible. Does that make sense?
    Anything that is not honest is insulting.

    Criticism should be provided in a civilized manner if we ask for it. If we didn't ask for criticism, please don't criticize. It can definitely come off obnoxious.

    If you see something you feel could use improvement, you can start off with something like: "Hey, I like this and that, but if you don't mind, I'd like to provide some suggestions..." or if it's about a negative trait of that specific ENFP's character, you can start off with something like: "I'd appreciate it if you take my feelings into account, but your behavior right now..."

    Basically what's the worst way to criticize you and what is the best?
    The worst criticisms I've received and personally seen are ones from...

    The Internet: Usually from Ti doms and Ti aux.

    These people provide criticism so rude, abrupt and straight up insult you even if you're a stranger ("You're an idiot." "This was beyond stupid.")
    An example was when I typed a character as an ISFJ and this ENTP chick thinks that character is an ENFJ and she reblogged my post with a full on rampage of what I described above.



    Note: I have never once spoken to this person. Would you talk like this to a stranger you just met in real life?
    Unless you want to get socked in the face, no.

    When I privately messaged her pointing this out, her response was:

    "Are you seriously telling me you're so damn fragile, that you're offended by blah blah blah."

    I had an INTP male (who looks like he lives in his mother's basement fyi) insult me inside out about how I'm a "whore" and "uninteresting sexually" block me because I was an "annoying ENFP."

    This kind of criticism is aggressive/blatantly rude, it comes off trolling and childish. I don't care about anything you might have to say to me at that point. You've lost my respect and your own credibility.

    In real life: Te doms and Te aux.

    Aha, yeah if you have an xSTJ manager or boss, the way they go around about bossing you around is very rude (in a hustling Te way) and off putting.

    I'm not saying they're all like this, but if you value social graces and have inferior sensing function, this can be very grating and can build resentment in the long run.

    How do you react when you are criticized (depending on the type of criticism)?
    The bad criticism I demonstrated above: I'll probably snap back and then dismiss you.

    But good criticism that are genuine are respected and taken into account by me.

    The good news about ENFPs is that dominant Ne forces us (even if it pisses us off at first) to be introspective and consider ALL perspectives. If we don't, we start doubting ourselves.
    That's what differentiates us from Fi doms (INFP and ISFP) and ESFP.
    We're not as quick to jump on the volatility and curse you out when we're insulted or criticized.
    Kommandant, strawberryLola, Foxyfox and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Itís easy with Fi to feel like your whole self is wrong. So I appreciate it when people are careful when they give criticism to make it constructive and explain what behavior or action would be welcome instead. I might not have seen whatever needed to be improved before. I also really appreciate it when people say something that makes me know that I am accepted as a person but that one thing could change or one thing could be better and hereís how it could be better.

    For instance:
    Other person:Ē I love spending time with you, but I donít like that subject we talked about last time. I loved it when we did X, and can we do that more?Ē
    Me: ďAbsolutelyĒ

    This is just good feedback that makes it clear that I am wanted, needed, liked and letís me know what they like and want.

    I donít think itís right for people to not communicate when they arenít happy with something, then it builds up and can make that person not want to spend time with me or sometimes triangulate and talk bad about you or whatever. So thatís dishonest and unfair. Thatís a much bigger tragedy. They didnít even give the person a chance to improve. I can work with bluntness for sure and every time when it comes with a ďI love you and want time with you,Ē then i am grateful for the feedback to improve. Being up-front and honest are very important qualities to me in myself and the other person. Knowing exactly where you stand with someone is important. If the place I stand at is ďI Love you, hate your ( put something here.) and I want things this other wayĒ. Then I can work with that. Of course Iím talking about close friendships and family. People who would change for me too.

    At work the underlying message needs to be something about being pleased with my work in general, just need to work on xĒ. Thatís something I can work with.

    I really do need to know itís not a message about all of me or their attitude towards me in general and if people make sure to communicate that underlying message then good. If not, I doubt this relationship or job will work for me anyway, actually.
    Last edited by Llyralen; 08-19-2019 at 01:50 PM.
    wums, Kommandant and Red Panda thanked this post.

  7. #6

    There's a line between bluntness and cruelty, yes. I end up on either side of it.

    When it happens unintentionally, it's the lack of filter. I tell you what I think in the moment. This includes "you're an idiot" (coming out of nowhere for you, because everything before is in my head). And I can always only apologise for hurting you, never for saying it, because it was true in the sense that I meant it. Definitely strains relationships. People around me suffer through my abrasiveness. It doesn't help that being dissatisfied makes me speak out, but being content does not, which means I come across as negative. I'm working on this thing where you also tell people what they did well. I hear it's popular

    When it happens intentionally ... well, that's extremely rare, but if I'm really pissed off, and had time to prepare (e.g., it's delivered in writing), it tears you to shreds. There's nothing constructive left, it's just a nuclear bomb going off.


    Being on the receiving end, in turn, is ... eh. It's not a pleasant thing, but I get over it soon enough, and I don't think I ever tossed criticism aside because of the way it was delivered. I toss it aside plenty because I think I know better. But not really because it was destructive or supposed to hurt. Content matters, not messaging.

    The nicest form of criticism is a written list, I think. No waffling around, just bullet points of this and this and this is wrong and doesn't work. Means I don't have to respond at once and can think about it, and address the points one by one. I can adapt, though. Basically any form ultimately works; a long, meandering introduction to make it "easier" tries my patience, though.
    Llyralen thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie Tran View Post
    The worst criticisms I've received and personally seen are ones from...

    The Internet: Usually from Ti doms and Ti aux.

    These people provide criticism so rude, abrupt and straight up insult you even if you're a stranger ("You're an idiot." "This was beyond stupid.")
    An example was when I typed a character as an ISFJ and this ENTP chick thinks that character is an ENFJ and she reblogged my post with a full on rampage of what I described above.



    Note: I have never once spoken to this person. Would you talk like this to a stranger you just met in real life?
    Unless you want to get socked in the face, no.

    When I privately messaged her pointing this out, her response was:

    "Are you seriously telling me you're so damn fragile, that you're offended by blah blah blah."

    I had an INTP male (who looks like he lives in his mother's basement fyi) insult me inside out about how I'm a "whore" and "uninteresting sexually" block me because I was an "annoying ENFP."

    This kind of criticism is aggressive/blatantly rude, it comes off trolling and childish. I don't care about anything you might have to say to me at that point. You've lost my respect and your own credibility.
    Thanks a lot for you indeph answer. More than I expected (in the most positive way possible).

    The stories about the ENTP and INTP are not even about criticism. Just immature rambling of people who have no idea how to communicate properly and seem to get mad over nothing really. I agree losing respect and dismissing the person is all you can really do in a situation like that.

    In real life: Te doms and Te aux.

    Aha, yeah if you have an xSTJ manager or boss, the way they go around about bossing you around is very rude (in a hustling Te way) and off putting.
    Yes the hustling Te can be very unsympathetic indeed. Got to work on that.
    Katie Tran thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Llyralen View Post
    They didn’t even give the person a chance to improve.
    In regard of criticism this is personally the truest sentence i ever read.
    Foxyfox and Llyralen thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Depends on where it's coming from..

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Kommandant View Post
    Yes the hustling Te can be very unsympathetic indeed. Got to work on that.
    Hey, I think it's cool that you're taking the time to ask for our input and opinions. It tells me you care enough and are taking somebody or a group of people's feelings into account.

    That's amazing. Feel free to keep asking us (or me) anything.
    Kommandant thanked this post.


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