[ENFP] Dating multiple people or dating one at a time?

Dating multiple people or dating one at a time?

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This is a discussion on Dating multiple people or dating one at a time? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I'm sure a variation of this thread has been started before, but I wanted to talk about it from a ...

  1. #1

    Dating multiple people or dating one at a time?

    I'm sure a variation of this thread has been started before, but I wanted to talk about it from a specific perspective.

    I've been doing online dating for about six months now. I'm enjoying the process of meeting new people and dating different types. Ultimately, I'd like to find a relationship, but I'm not rushing the process.

    As I go on dates, I'm realizing that I have a tendency to focus on one person at a time. That is to say, if I have a great first or second date with a guy, I stop looking at the apps or making new matches. I focus on developing my connection with that person and seeing what comes of it.

    I've been advised to play the field more. That my approach might put too much pressure on one thing to turn out one way or another. And it's not that I think every guy I date will be "the one," but I feel like I want to give that relationship a shot without also comparing to someone else in the mix.

    I've also noticed that while I might be focusing on one guy, he's definitely still talking to and dating other women. Especially at the beginning, this seems to be the norm. And so then it becomes a situation where I'm only talking to him and he's talking to multiple women.

    I'm not sure if this disconnect in approach is good or bad. I guess I'm looking to see if other people feel like I do and want to focus on one relationship at a time? Or, should I be more open to dating multiple people at once?
    Frankly My Deer and SirCanSir thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Quality over quantity. Doing something that feels unnatural to you would likely lead you to making decisions based on what others think you “should” be doing. In turn, you’ll feel inauthentic and you’ll likely feel like a fraud with yourself and others, completely dissatisfied. Plus, it’s tacky to go half-hearted when it comes to matters of the heart. Best to take it slow but discern well.

  3. #3

    Does it bother you?

    I believe from my somewhat uneducated male opinion most [males] will keep dating multiple women because it's probable they'll be rejected by some.
    More dates --> better odds. That is, if they're serious about the relationship part post-dating.
    NaughyChimp and GhostofRC thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Eu_citzen View Post
    Does it bother you?

    I believe from my somewhat uneducated male opinion most [males] will keep dating multiple women because it's probable they'll be rejected by some.
    More dates --> better odds. That is, if they're serious about the relationship part post-dating.
    kind of? I guess I just hate feeling like I'm put in the position of competition with other options.

    But between you and @strawberryLola you've hit on the crux of the issue - Quality over Quantity vs. More dates = Better odds.

    So, does this come down to a value question? If I value Quality over Quantity, am I just looking for someone else who values the same? (posing this as a theoretical question more than wanting specific advice).
    strawberryLola, L P and Eu_citzen thanked this post.

  6. #5
    INFJ

    Dating multiple people or dating one at a time?

    I think quality over quantity is important because if you get to actually know a person you can get to know what you really like and dislike about them and this can help you assess people better in the future as well. There’s absolutely no need to do what “everyone else” may or may not be doing if it’s not what feels natural to you.
    cmouse79 thanked this post.

  7. #6

    I hardly ever find anyone interesting enough to go on a date with.

    Never had this issue.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Aridela View Post
    I hardly ever find anyone interesting enough to go on a date with.

    Never had this issue.
    How do you know if they are interesting or not if you don't get to know them?
    Frankly My Deer thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Backandyeow View Post
    How do you know if they are interesting or not if you don't get to know them?
    I text for a few days, see if they can keep up reasonably well.

    On average they fail at text no 2.7.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Aridela View Post
    I text for a few days, see if they can keep up reasonably well.

    On average they fail at text no 2.7.
    Oh the first impression thing I see. Yeah most of all relationships are built around the first impression.
    Aridela thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Aridela View Post
    I text for a few days, see if they can keep up reasonably well.

    On average they fail at text no 2.7.
    Well, that might be your problem. Texting can only tell you so much about a person. I always meet in person. If a guy I meet online won't meet up within a week it's not worth it.
    GhostofRC, Aridela, Frankly My Deer and 1 others thanked this post.


     
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