[ENFP] Any ENFP and INFP couples out there?

Any ENFP and INFP couples out there?

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This is a discussion on Any ENFP and INFP couples out there? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I am an ENFP American Female. (Who swears she is an introvert once she walks into her home!) dating an ...

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    Any ENFP and INFP couples out there?

    I am an ENFP American Female. (Who swears she is an introvert once she walks into her home!) dating an INFP British male for 5 months. This is so much easier than the ISTJ male I dated on/off for 2 years. I believe I once read that INFP males are rare. Ironically my eldest son is one and he’s the child I most connect with. I am constantly (and pleasantly surprised) by the patience, support and openness (about feelings concerning me) from my INFP. Yet, he sets boundaries and is not a doormat (which would bore me). We are a little unusual because I am
    several years older than him but both of us kind of March to the beat of our own drummer.
    I would love to hear from successful INFP and ENFP couples out there. 🙂
    Moby thanked this post.



  2. #2

    @BeBeJK
    Iíve been married to my INFP for 16 years.
    I think there are some things that are very easy about our relationship. The understanding and closeness is incredible, but there are also some things that are likely harder than some other relationships. Sometimes some things are hard precisely because I expected him to feel the same 100% and am baffled whenever he doesnít. Like the fact that ENFPs are in love with love and want to feel head over heels 100% of the time. And thatís different for him to a degree after 16 years and he has always needed a lot more alone time and time to recharge than I do. Even though of course I feel like an introvert when alone like we ENFPs do. Sometimes the slight shifts in the big world view are toughó more so because iitís where I think our strength lies is in feeling the same and there is a bit of bafflement there for me. Kind of like ďBut you think just like me on this one... how come itís not what you pursue like I do?Ē

    However, best friends, love our time together.... itís probably as good as it gets, really. I listen to other couples stories and think ďHow in the world can you live with someone who isnít your best friend?Ē

    He reports being happy and satisfied with me, his worry is that he wonít ever supply all I want and that is my worry too, but it is harder for ENFPs to ever get satisfiedó because we arenít. We are in pursuit of more always. Maybe I shouldnít say ĎďweĒ? But me, I always want to be close and closer. I always want to be happy and happier. And I will always be bouncing around ideas to get there. So thatís my thought today of 16 years.

    With an INFP make sure he can handle a job. Thatís a big deal. Has he held down a job for a while lately? is a major question. I know it sounds rude and basic, but for a lot of INFPs itís a huge learning curve. Not all, but a lot and that has torn down other ENFP INFP relationships that weíve seen here.


    So... I think itís so easy to understand what an INFP is thinking that i think I would trust my assessment of an INFPís values but know that anything that has to do with the outside world ( Te) is their main struggle. And some have a really hard time with depression. I married my sweet husband who was the smartest funniest most talented and caring of anyone I had dated and that was it! I didnít ever want to be apart. I didnít want to ever hurt him. Done. And I knew he would be a fantastic father, which he is. He was not a good provider, though, and we had to rely on me for that. But he is such an amazing writer and Iím lucky to get to encourage and love and counsel the next Shakespeare. Iím not really over-stating that, imo. His writing just keeps getting more amazing imo.

    Let me know your questions. I would have only a few things to look into and then say go for it. Job? Depression? How bad? Can you handle it? How has he handled that? Good? Then after that not much to hold you back, imo. I really love our bond and wouldnít want to be without itó I need it, crave it, thereís never enough obviously.
    Last edited by Llyralen; 10-14-2019 at 03:17 PM.

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  5. #4
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Llyralen View Post
    With an INFP make sure he can handle a job. That’s a big deal. Has he held down a job for a while lately? is a major question. I know it sounds rude and basic, but for a lot of INFPs it’s a huge learning curve.
    This actually was a huge deal with me in my last relationship with an INFP that ended in February of this year. She was unstable with her employment, near weekly telling me of new career changes yet she would critique my finances despite me being in good shape with a long-term position/career.

    INFPs don't really see income/money the way many other types do and it's a practical though expedient thing to ask about.

  6. #5

    @Llyralen and @Moby : thank you for the insight about the INFP issues with employment and job. Interestingly enough he works at home as a free lance graphic designer. (At one time he worked for a corporation). I just assumed since he has been able to support himself as free lance it was all good. Your comments really made me think. He’s never had children and only had to support himself. He also lives very frugally and regimented. Which could be an issue for us down the road. He has commented that I make tons more money than him but have no savings and higher expenditures - while he makes quite a bit less but has less bills and more savings. I am no Means status driven, I just do well in my job of sales and advocacy, then use the money to give my kids things that make them happy, things that make me happy like travel. In typical ENFP fashion, I get so involved with my job. Making money and saving the world- II’m terrible with keeping up with the mundane things like paying my bills. I’m a tornado moving at a ridiculous speed unable to catch my breath and a workaholic until
    I crash. He’s very structured and routine and has a lovely work life balance. After reading your comments, I wonder- how will it will play out for us if we end up joined together in that Fashion.
    Moby thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by BeBeJK View Post
    [MENTION=486618] He has commented that I make tons more money than him but have no savings and higher expenditures - while he makes quite a bit less but has less bills and more savings.
    I don't, and won't, want to scare you. I think an INFP is a great partner for us! However, my INFP ex posited her fear of my lack of savings THE EXACT way you seem to be here, including higher expenditures (ironically, much of which was on her). Savings seem to mean more to the INFP than it does for us. I don't really have a point, I just think it's an issue to be aware of.

  8. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I was in a serious relationship with, and very much in love with, an INFP for almost 5 years. The physical connection was off the chart, our hearts were pure, we could read each other's minds, I loved hearing him talk about words and books and travel and ideas. He was my best friend and he very much wanted to marry.

    However, at the end of the day, I found it extremely stressful that neither one of us loved / were skilled taking care of the practical details or finances, and because I stressed more about it, it fell mostly on my shoulders. Like, both of us were sweet forest creatures not made for the Big Bad World but I saw one of us had to face reality, become a grown up, learn how to navigate The Real World so I toughened up and got a good job and invested money and did lots of stuff I didn't love but that's part of being an adult while he... much less so. He has a masters degree and, at almost 50, still has a menial labour job; while I consider all honest work worthwhile and dignified, I also wanted more out of life and didn't want it all to fall on my shoulders. At some point, I began feeling more like a mom than a partner. We broke up many years ago, but remain friendly. He's with a woman who worships his intellect and depth, and who doesn't care that they'll never be able to buy an apartment or have significant retirement savings or that she has to do all the taxes every year and that he doesn't understand the basics of investing. So, I'm delighted for them both.

  9. #8

    Hmm.... but the NFP molds (if there are some) with money and jobs donít have to apply. Iím good with most aspects of money that my husband is notó but that could be the other way around with a different ENFP/INFP couple.

    I grew up low income but my ENFP mother knew how to deal with it very well. She taught us how not to spend and how to save for life-enriching experiences like travel and books and education and how to travel inexpensively. I love a good deal and I only like buying big items for excellent deals so I have sharp eyes for ways to get items that have bang for the buck. (Im talking about houses and pianos and suchó I donít ever pay full prices). I am the frugal one and I am the one who doesnít spend. I am the voice of financial reason in this outfit. I dislike credit cards or debt of any sort of I can help it (mortgage and school debt, okay but as low as possible) and I want to make sure my family is taken care of if something happens to me and in our old age

    Other ENFP stereotypes do apply to me, like clutter and routine that also apply to him, but we manage. The living room is presentable and if we invite people over then we are motivated to clean, so that is our strategy. He is actually a good handyman and does like taking care of the house. I think our tertiary functions are used a lot, but so are our first functions because... itís us. We get to talk Ne-Fi Fi-Ne all of the time. Okay, I love it. Wrap me in this warm blanket for all my days. Plus we both write!

    I think Eneagram is probably the best info about long- term relationships. Iíd find out his and take note of everything Eneagram institute says to take note of between both of your Enneagrams. They tell you what to work on to avoid long-term conflicts.

    The main thing, really, is how is your INFP emotionally? How much do they deal with depression? Do they fight it? Do they see it as something they have the power to fight? Thatís actually a very important question. Where usually ENFPs clearly recognize the personal responsibility and ability to pull yourself together and rise above, some people do not think most humans have this ability and focus on blame and victimhood rather than on finding solutions, reaching for help and doing all a person can do to be happy. This is also an important conversation with an INFP imo and ask him first and donít allow him to find out how you feel about it first. Give him a hypothetical ďIf you or a loved one is depressed what would you expect them to do about it?Ē It could be he has never dealt with depression, but Iíd say there is a big possibility that it is a chronic problem and finding out how he deals with it (if he does deal with it) is important.
    Last edited by Llyralen; 10-17-2019 at 09:13 PM.

  10. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Interesting @Llyralen . I wasn't suggesting that all NFPs are bad with money. It was just the issue that really drove a wedge between me and my INFP. In my particular case, my INFP wasn't very good with it and I am good with it but find it stressful to have it all on my shoulders. *shrug*
    Llyralen thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by NaughyChimp View Post
    Interesting @Llyralen . I wasn't suggesting that all NFPs are bad with money. It was just the issue that really drove a wedge between me and my INFP. In my particular case, my INFP wasn't very good with it and I am good with it but find it stressful to have it all on my shoulders. *shrug*
    LOL It's the case with my INFP. Same. I just wanted to say sometimes people break the mold because I was worried that I sounded like I was making stereotypes.... not you. lol. Well, and the stereotype is the ENFPs aren't good with money, but I am, luckily (and thank heaven for that saving grace). I don't feel stressed with money matters, not exactly. I feel more stressed about other Si things though, and I have been leaving more cleaning to my INFP, but he also does have a lot more free time than I do at the moment and I work 7:00 to 6:30 and drive the kids around to extra curricular stuff most days and make dinner, but he is alone until 2:00 pm and then has his job. So...we'll see what happens once we both have the same job shift because I am in a bad habit of saying he's got the time and I don't (which is true, but still). So I need to get back into that.

    You know what I want? And I think ENFPs want this as badly as authenticity. I want to be adored and adoring and I will stop at nothing almost to keep my part of that bargain. A strong happy loving relationship is pretty much why I'm alive. Otherwise, what's the point. (And/Or to adore my kids for as long as they will put up with it-- and of course their well-being comes before anything even the love relationship when they are young and need you). Now I do not think most types would say all this about the importance of love, although it sounds like 'Duh" to me.
    Last edited by Llyralen; 10-26-2019 at 12:06 AM.


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