[ENFP] INTJ-What happens when I become unmysterious?

INTJ-What happens when I become unmysterious?

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This is a discussion on INTJ-What happens when I become unmysterious? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ENFPs want constant novelty and mysteriousness in a relationship, so what happens when I become predictable and boring? How do ...

  1. #1

    INTJ-What happens when I become unmysterious?

    ENFPs want constant novelty and mysteriousness in a relationship, so what happens when I become predictable and boring? How do I keep myself mysterious?
    Laguna thanked this post.



  2. #2

    what do you mean by mysteriousness?

  3. #3

    INTJ-Arousing wonder or curiosity, especially by being difficult to explain or understand.
    L P thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    I like to understand people so being mysterious isn't some quality I prefer. People purposefully trying to be mysterious usually means they're hiding stuff which isn't exactly ideal for a relationship, at least for me. But sure, when I was younger it was something that excited me because of the challenge. It's still exciting, just not in a way that mixes with romance.
    ai.tran.75, NIHM, mangosloth and 2 others thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENFP

    I don't find being mysterious something I prefer. I like to know the individual, coming off as an enigma to me might first grab my interest but to keep me you can't still be that way. Men that have kept me in longer relationships are very real and like solid rocks. I'm attracted to non-flaky people. As Red put, trying to hide information or being back in forth in their wishes is not something I find ideal in a partner. I like it upfront. A lot of times I don't notice when someone is flirting with me. If they're being coy, I might just think they're being friendly. Someone has to be very upfront with me. My husband is an INTJ, he came off as Mr. Darcy and was like I love you and I have romantic intentions. There was nothing enigma about his statement.

    My husband isn't difficult or hard to understand. If anything he's very forward to me and extremely caring. Though I've noticed I'm the only one he treats this way. I'm attracted to his rather forthcoming bluntness, the way his Ni studies me, and interacts with me. We also have a lot in common and enjoy the same things. We're on the same page of moralities. He's probably my best friend too. One thing he's not is an enigma.

    In conclusion, there is no way I would stay in a relationship with someone who was an enigma or find it as an attractive trait. I need stability, commonality, and above all else friendship. If someone is hot and cold with me and tries to play a game of cat and mouse, I just walk away. I don't have time for that nonsense.
    Last edited by NIHM; 01-16-2020 at 09:06 AM.
    chickydoda, ai.tran.75, Blue Ribbon and 6 others thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by TrueorFalse248 View Post
    ENFPs want constant novelty and mysteriousness in a relationship, so what happens when I become predictable and boring? How do I keep myself mysterious?
    Don't. Just be you and don't be afraid to be vulnerable and open when it feels right. The right person will cherish that and you.
    Phil, NIHM and TrueorFalse248 thanked this post.

  8. #7

    The irony is that if you try to be mysterious you become what you are trying not to be -- predictable and boring. To be mysterious you only be yourself, it is the most novel expression as there has never been or never will be someone exactly like you. NFPs have the capacity to understand deeply how people come to be and are wise in this way, but never can we truely explain (or find the motivation to wont to) why people are the way they are. We fundementally accept people because at the root of it there is a surprise, a wonder, an exhilerating force that we love and live for. Its the same source of our happiness, resilience and vigor in life even when all else seems to have descended into darkness.
    wums, NIHM, Falling Foxes and 3 others thanked this post.

  9. #8

    I also find aloofness pretty boring. Also I’m not going to try to get to know someone who is trying to block me out. I don’t intrude. What’s exciting is when people give and keep giving and when you get past the first layers and you really know them well and they are still interesting. Most people are interesting, actually. A vast universe in each person.

    Something that is boring to me is when someone won’t say yes to doing new things together— that’s a kill-joy in my opinion. Say yes as much as an introvert can to doing new things. ENFPs don’t want to be alone in our adventures, we want to share.
    NIHM, Falling Foxes and TrueorFalse248 thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Appreciation for Comments:
    Red Panda
    NIHM
    Frankly My Dear
    OdinsVardogr
    Llyralen
    NIHM thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Not gonna elaborate on the common myth that ENFPs need mystery in romance because the others here have done the same.

    If you have managed to attract an ENFP and they have gotten to know the authentic you and gotten attached and you are scared of them getting bored it's just as simple as letting them be free to dream up adventures and take you on them. We're pretty good at coming up with fun ideas on how to change things up. In my opinion, someone is only boring when they put too many limitations on fun and exploration. If someone doesn't want to explore new things with me (although I respect boundaries) then they will begin to feel too boring and incompatible.
    NIHM thanked this post.


     
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