[ENFP] ENFP at home VS. ENFP at work/school

ENFP at home VS. ENFP at work/school

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This is a discussion on ENFP at home VS. ENFP at work/school within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hi guys! My brother is an ENFP (I got him to take the test which he called 'stupid' and 'a ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    ENFP at home VS. ENFP at work/school

    Hi guys! My brother is an ENFP (I got him to take the test which he called 'stupid' and 'a waste of time'). I've always been very curious about my brother's character and personality, and I find him incredibly mysterious and difficult to figure out.

    At home, he shuts himself in his room 80% of the time. He hardly communicates with anyone, unless he needs something. He is extremely quiet. This has led the family to think that he is rather introverted.

    However, at school, he is extremely popular with his friends, talks quite a fair bit and is basically the opposite of what he's like at home. He is very active within his social circle and goes out a lot.

    Is there a reason for this? I'm actually very sad that I can't establish a proper relationship with my brother because I find it so difficult to communicate with him. We can't get along too well, because I find that while he is a good listener, it is very hard to get him talking about himself. I really want to know more about him, but he's like a hermit and he just refuses to talk about himself and his feelings! Please, please, please help me.

    Any advice will be appreciated of course :-)
    spring, Vaka, serendipitous and 6 others thanked this post.

  2. #2
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Oh gosh, that first part I thought was not at all ENFP but then you said about what he is like at school... Hmm... if he went into the test with the mindset that it was stupid he way not be an ENFP at all, we are generally quite sociable creatures when we are functioning okay.

    What is home life like for you? Are there lots of routines and boundaries? Does he have lots of opportunity to express himself?

    You sound like a cool sibling who wants to be friends, have you tried directly saying that to him? For me, for someone to say "you know, I really want us to be better friends" is a great thing to hear, maybe try it?

    So, what does he enjoy? For me, if someone gets me a little gift in line with my likes or dislikes and shows they know me or appreciate me, or takes the time to write me a note, or do something like my share of the washing up one time (I hate boring routine tasks like that!) then that helps me open up as I realise they do like me after all.

    He may be a little depressed and at school etc he might be putting on a front, can you tell?

    Sorry I can't help more, maybe other people have more experience of this. All I can say is good on you for trying

  3. #3

    Hmm... this sounds a bit like me or at least how I used to be. At home I would seem very much like an ENTP/INTP. I did listen a lot and preferred to be alone most of the time. I was also very argumentative... My reason for doing so though was because I didn't want my family (or really just anyone who could take advantage of me) to see my "soft squishy core." I thought it would be a sign of weakness.

    I'm really happy that you want to establish a closer relationship with your brother though. :) Perhaps you just have to continue to take the first step. That's what I had to do with my brother for several years because we really did not have a lot of things in common (he's an ESTJ/ESFJ). I would just ask him a lot of questions, listen a lot, and try to figure out what our common points were in order to elaborate on them. Now everyone who sees us thinks we're really close. :)

    Which brings up a second question. Is he asking you questions or is he simply listening? Or... do you know what he likes? Perhaps you could just ask him about those things. And then bring up how you're similar... Aka. elaborate on the similarities.
    serendipitous, Libber36, badgers and 2 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I used to kind of be like that. My mom probably perceived me as introverted, hard headed, tough minded.

    Different story at school. Although I did have my loner periods.
    KimberlyO and TwistedMuses thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Hahaha- once I was like your brother but now I found balance and at home I'm myself but I too prefer to be alone or if I feel bad what is rarely I go to my brother for long hour advice, at school I was quiet or chatterbox-and collect reproof from teachers.

    Oh I'm so happy that you're too-Serendipitions, Spring, MissyMaroon and Daedaln's brother:D!
    Becouse i-m thinking sometimes and worry that maybe i'm not enfp becouse i'm a bit like introvert but now I know that it's normal in ENFP:).Oh for so many years I'v search myself and now I cant loose it

    Daedaln i keep one's fingers crossed for Your relations with brother-I hope you will be good friends:-P!

    Let know how about this matter:-)!
    serendipitous thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    lol this must be an ENFP "thing"! especially when we're younger im guessing. im still a bit like this, at home im often in introspective mode, it's my time to use Fi.

  8. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    He sounds sorta like me on my stressed days..... No offense...!!!!

  9. #8
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Sometimes there are people in your family that don't compliment your personality - so it sort of hard to express yourself confidently. You have to learn how to adapt, which I think ENFP are pretty good at. This scenario sounds a lot like me.
    Skum, KimberlyO, Strawberrymoo and 15 others thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    i was very much like this in highschool too. I think it just had a lot to do with stress. The stress of school and the stress of family. My dad is an INTJ... so that was VERY stressful at times. As far as the sibling thing.. I'm not to sure. I'm like best friends with my little sister (ENFJ) now, but that didnt happen until after I moved out.

  11. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    He sounds like me, especially when I'm stressed. The more stress I have on me, the more introverted I become when I'm at home. When I'm out and about I'm usualy extremely extroverted, but outside of school I can spend huge amounts of time shelled away on my laptop. Some of my neighbors started calling me 'the unicorn' because they would hang out with my room mate all the time, but though they had heard of me, they never saw me, and so they said they were no longer sure if i really existed.
    Libber36, pascal, CupcakesRDaBestBruv and 1 others thanked this post.

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