[ENFP] ENFPs and venting

ENFPs and venting

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This is a discussion on ENFPs and venting within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I live with an ENFP who occasionally vents her life and work troubles to me - in other words she ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors


    ENFPs and venting

    I live with an ENFP who occasionally vents her life and work troubles to me - in other words she just expresses very strong personal emotions in conversations we have. While I can give her some long-term perspective using my Ni I feel that I come off as a bit 'cold' to her using my FeTi judging of situations. So I am wondering what kind of emotional support are ENFPs seeking when they are venting about their troubles to other people? What sort of things should I say that I am apparently not saying? I am just so used to using my Fe that expression of any Fi is really foreign to me. Welp >.<
    Minesweeper Queen thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    We were actually having a discussion about this last night on LiveChat...

    When something is wrong, whatever you do, don't try to rationalize it. Rational thinking = unhelpful, if we are just venting. If we ask for advice, feel free to rationalize away. When venting, most of what we want is someone to sympathize and empathize with what we're going through... so don't fix our problems for us, just listen. Nod sympathetically and let us talk. When we're done, say something to the effect of "that sucks, people really shouldn't treat other people like that, I'm so sorry you had a bad day. Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?" Because that's mostly what ~I~, personally, want when I'm venting: to get it off my chest, and then to be cheered up.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Agreed. The last thing we want to hear is a rational attempt at fixing the problem. I know that when I vent, if someone--no matter how well-meaning--responds to my venting by offering reasoned, logical solutions, I will immediately feel like this person believes that I'm so stupid as to have not come up with those solutions on my own.

    "My work situation is impossible!"

    "Have you tried writing a letter of grievance to management--"

    "No, because management is the problem, and they stonewall the plebes and fire the boat-rockers." Resentful glare. "...Never effin' mind!"

    All we seek is acknowledgment (like Maggie says above), recognition of our grievances. I find that if I'm venting and someone goes straight to the cheer-up phase, I get really angry because I think my complaints are being trivialized. So I emphasize recognition/acknowledgment before any attempts at comfort.
    kaycee, vel, Savitri and 1 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I agree with the sentiment of just wanting someone to pour out your feelings to, just for the sake of getting them out.

    I like to vent so that I can get all of that negative energy out and not be tempted to hate or dislike the person I'm mad about, because I let out all of the negativeness already. There's one or two people it hasn't worked with, but it tends to be pretty effective, haha. This is how we (or at least I) maintain being a generally positive person. If it holds true for others, I'd like to know.

    But yeah, if we wanted advice, we'd probably say something, so sympathizing or switching the subject to something you guys have in common or is "exciting" afterwards or something would probably be a pretty good bet after letting your friend let out their feelings.
    vel thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I just want someone to listen to me. Rarely do people concern themselves with what's going on with me, and I don't normally force that upon people. If I'm venting to you, then you're special to me in some way. Like Maggie said, I do not want life advice, I just need a listener.
    vel thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I vent on occasion because I hate keeping my anger bottled up inside. It feels very unhealthy. I usually discuss my problems with people who are insightful/wise and who will tell me straight up what I need to hear. Not what I want to hear.
    vel thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Validation, empthay, and maybe a hug
    Savitri, vel, ApolloNoUta and 3 others thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Let me get it all out, offer a sympathetic ear, and then maybe make me laugh when I'm done.
    vel thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieRooWho View Post
    When venting, most of what we want is someone to sympathize and empathize with what we're going through... so don't fix our problems for us, just listen.
    Totally, I couldn't have put it more eloquently myself. To be honest this does seem like the typically female way of dealing with issues, but then again I do fall to the 25% of males who are "F"s so...It is what it is.
    vel thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieRooWho View Post
    We were actually having a discussion about this last night on LiveChat...

    When something is wrong, whatever you do, don't try to rationalize it. Rational thinking = unhelpful, if we are just venting. If we ask for advice, feel free to rationalize away. When venting, most of what we want is someone to sympathize and empathize with what we're going through... so don't fix our problems for us, just listen. Nod sympathetically and let us talk. When we're done, say something to the effect of "that sucks, people really shouldn't treat other people like that, I'm so sorry you had a bad day. Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?" Because that's mostly what ~I~, personally, want when I'm venting: to get it off my chest, and then to be cheered up.
    I totally agree with this statement.

    When I'm venting to someone, I want them to validate my concerns and feelings, not give me advice (unless I directly ask for advice). Seconding another poster, empathy and hugs are good too.
    vel thanked this post.


     
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