[ENFP] Dilemma with an ENFP..

Dilemma with an ENFP..

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This is a discussion on Dilemma with an ENFP.. within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hey all, INFJ lady here with a dilemma and was hoping you could help me So i've been close friends ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Dilemma with an ENFP..

    Hey all, INFJ lady here with a dilemma and was hoping you could help me
    So i've been close friends with an ENFP guy for over a year now and recently he confessed to having strong feelings for me (not love) but i don't feel the same, i simply see him as a friend and was honest to him about that. But it's like he's taking no for answer and it's frustrating because when it comes to my emotions i'm very sure of them and i highly doubt they'll change(i told this to him too). My dilemma is how can i get it through to him without messing up our friendship? I really value him as a friend but it's beginning to tire me out .



  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Have you taken him to a place that has a nice tranquil atmosphere and told him? A coffee shop would be a great place to talk. Perhaps, you could explain to him ,firmly but kindly, how you feel. Tell him how much you value your relationship with him as friends, and that as a friend he should respect that what you're saying is serious.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I don't think a public place is the best idea for that. My recommendation is stay flattered, and even if he's firm about his feelings for now, just reiterate the fact that he doesn't have that chemical effect on you, and that you've got a good idea how those brain chemicals of yours work. Assume the best, and trust he'll be able to control his side of things. Even more, understand that he can read whether your trust is genuine. He might even try to test it. Just stay firm and optimistic that your stance is the right thing. He probably wants the friendship as much as you do too. Trust that he can't do anything wrong to shake it, and he'll see your trust, laugh about it and return to his old self.

    Or, at least I would. You silly INFJs.

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  5. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I really don't mind that this is a public place, i thought about it alot before i posted it plus people here don't know me irl so it's cool .

    When we talk it's generally in a quiet atmosphere and i've tried every which way to tell him how I feel but that topic fades away and it's back to how we were as friends and i think everythings going well and then he has another of these 'outburts' of emotion.

    I'm just curious how ENFP's handle these situations really, when you have a romantic attraction to someone how do you deal with it? With me, if it's not mutual and someones made that obvious to me then i stop and work to let it go.

  6. #5

    I usually have an attraction to a few people at a time. I really appreciate it if someone is very clear with me and I would change my focus if they are not interested.

    And you are saying he is absolutely clear about your feelings? That's odd to me. Even when dating male ENFPs, I haven't really had a problem with them moving on or accepting a relationship platonically. We are usually pretty careful about who we decide to fall for and finally confess our affections to. I wouldn't be into something that didn't offer promise. It's weird that he's persisting even though you've told him "no".

    What kind of "emotional outbursts" is he having? I would just stick to my guns if I were you. Maybe even discontinue the conversation or the night if he continues to "go there". Make it known you don't like it and won't put up with it. But then again I really don't know the nature of these outbursts. Perhaps more detail would help.

  7. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    These outbursts are generally telling me how he feels about me and the depth of those feelings, he has said before he doesn't just like anyone though. I think i'm being clear with him through words and action but it feels like i'm not being heard and the only thing that would work is if i back off, which i didn't want to do.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by jazzylas View Post
    These outbursts are generally telling me how he feels about me and the depth of those feelings, he has said before he doesn't just like anyone though. I think i'm being clear with him through words and action but it feels like i'm not being heard and the only thing that would work is if i back off, which i didn't want to do.
    I can really empathize. I have had this problem with guys before. I've tried redirecting the conversations for as long as I could. Unfortunately, I have had to lose them as a friend. They didn't want anything less than a romantic relationship and I got tired of being grossed out by their romantic overtures. It sucks though.

  9. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkrasputin View Post
    I can really empathize. I have had this problem with guys before. I've tried redirecting the conversations for as long as I could. Unfortunately, I have had to lose them as a friend. They didn't want anything less than a romantic relationship and I got tired of being grossed out by their romantic overtures. It sucks though.
    Sadly, I kinda feel that once one party in a friendship develops more than friendship feelings, that friendship is severed in at least some major way. Even if the friendship can continue it's never the same. I feel reluctant anymore to ask or share my "extra" feelings with any female friends. I have in the past and it was the "just friends" response and messed up the friendship, which I don't know, doesn't totally surprise me, I'm an INFJ so sometimes I figure people just give up on me so I go my own way. I know I mess up the friendships but I always give a blind leap when trying to find love.

  10. #9
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkrasputin View Post
    I can really empathize. I have had this problem with guys before. I've tried redirecting the conversations for as long as I could. Unfortunately, I have had to lose them as a friend. They didn't want anything less than a romantic relationship and I got tired of being grossed out by their romantic overtures. It sucks though.
    Hey this goes both ways with the sexes too! I've had personal experience with this. While I think in my case "grossed out" would be a little strong in regards to their overtures, it did get annoying and feel clingy. As we all know, clingy + ENFP is a big problem! To be honest, I lose interest with them even as a friend by that point and either they stop or soon I need to have a "we shouldn't hang out" talk.

  11. #10

    I was grossed out felt uncomfortable with their romantic overtures. This is because they had become like a brother to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby View Post
    Hey this goes both ways with the sexes too!
    Of course it does. And did you read my earlier post? I said I've never experienced an ENFP male not being able to "let go" or maintain a platonic friendship if that is where the relationship was headed. I think Ne just has a way of moving on.

    MrNice- I don't think you "messed up" the relationship. You were just being honest about your feelings. You took a risk. Usually the people who take risks are most successful. However, when it comes to friendship the decision to do so really is a toss up. But what other choice did you have? You're feelings probably would have come out sooner or later anyway.

    Jazzylas-When you start dating someone else, he will get the message.


     
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