Over seven years, I've had depression. Due to puberty and moving to a new town/ school. First day, I was nervous talking to people, and how they would perceive me. I mingled with one group, then on to the next and stay for a while with them, while slowly building my social circle. As usual, middle schoolers were being cliches, so they were hostile to me and I felt deeply hurt. I furthered into depression, to the point where I stopped caring about my clothing, how I looked, lack of attention to my appearance, easily sensitive and became introverted. When I took the personality test, I honestly thought I was INFP. But some things did not match up. I'll put these into bullet points.
-Strong social skills, easily talk to new people although afraid of older people, authority figures, or people I get vibes about.
-Great public speaking ability, in fact, I get excited about it. Everyone else is nervous around me, I am not. In fact, I volunteer first and amaze people with my words, hell, I inspire and convince them.
-Optimistic unless depressed. Believe the best in people although realize that some people are mean out there.
-Easily answer questions that are unexpected unless under stress
-I noted that when under stress, I lose my ability to talk, I become extremely emotional, I lash out just so I can end the conflict. Or I agree with what they say just to end it.
-I get lonely by myself. When sitting by myself, I have thoughts in my head that seem anxious and longing for someone to sit by me. I worry that my friends won't be around due to sickness.
-I actively seek out people and sometimes talk when someone says something I'm interested in. Although, over the years due to depression, I was timid and shy. Its past and I have my old confidence and charisma back.
-I get vibes about people. Some sixth sense about them. Sometimes it tells me to avoid them or that they are crushing on me. Although, I've had horrible judgments on people due to this (two of my best friends, I got this hostile vibe)
-My friends are a mixture of introverts and extroverts. I naturally lead the conversations when I'm in a good mood with my introverts, and laugh and joke with them as well as extroverted friends. I like my extroverted friends more as they do as much things that I do (shop, eat out, pursue hobbies, have interesting stories like I do)
My childhood, I was popular. Many people knew me, I knew them, and we were all friends. I would hug random people. Talk fast and a lot. And while other kids were playing, I was talking to people. Although, I shy away from older people or people who I perseved as hostile. I hanged out with friends at their house, participated in sports, and had birthday parties. I was so happy.
I would have sporadic melt downs due to having a family of Intj's or istj's who have said mean and deeply hurtful things and felt like I had no one to talk to about my feelings. So I bottled them up. Thats when I started to change and get anxious.
Then I moved. Slowly became introverted due to being rejected by people who disliked change or new people. I met some people, and as a senior, I have a ton of people who know me and re-gained my charisma, social-ability and so on. Although some people think I'm shy while others believe I'm a social butterfly. i noticed I lose my inhibitions when I'm around people I trust and my fun side comes out. Last story. Maybe two. I got lead role in a play back in third grade, was excited, and performed in excellence, and remembered all my lines. Even capable of acting melo-dramatic. (I do that when telling stories, fake emotions and use my hands a lot when around friends). When I was a freshmen, I had homecoming. I slowly got out of my shell when I saw a dude techno dancing. After that, all hell broke lose and I brought the dance moves to the floor. I got like three crowds with watching me and a crowd of females surrounded me . People were shocked that I did this and wondered, how could a shy guy like me do this. I did not feel self conscious at all and was caught up in the moment.
One thing that makes me confused is that I can think inside myself when I'm by myself but around others, I start to think outward, fast, witty, depending on my mood or who I'm with. I feed off the energy of others and in return, respond in such. I also spent a lot of my early teens in my room writing, thinking to myself, and being sad. Although, at school I would talk to a lot of people but whenever summer came, I went into a state of sleeping a lot and longing for school to return (only reason why, so I can talk to people).
Also, how come I long to be something else? For a long time, I wanted the idea of a isfp because they are seen as creative, artistic and such and I found that cool. Is this a enfp thing to do to reject their true side?
When stressed, I lose focus of the future, in-able to talk, and only think of the present and lose my sensitivity. What is my shadow function that I described?
Anyway, cool story aside, I want to know a couple of things.
Is what I describe a repressed extrovert?
Am I introverted?
Did I describe the stages of depression in a enfp or infp?
Am I enfp or Infp?
Do you have similar stories?
What are your thoughts on my experience?
How do you vent your emotions when parents are not emotionally in-tuned neither is family, and you fear your friends may leave you if you bear your emotions?
How do I recover my social situation? I did it already but I want to experience some parties or such. Would it be weird if I went up to some people and asked if they were going to parties? Should I install a friendship? Or should I unleash my party animal in college?