[ENFP] Realization of being a Extrovert.

Realization of being a Extrovert.

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This is a discussion on Realization of being a Extrovert. within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Over seven years, I've had depression. Due to puberty and moving to a new town/ school. First day, I was ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Realization of being a Extrovert.

    Over seven years, I've had depression. Due to puberty and moving to a new town/ school. First day, I was nervous talking to people, and how they would perceive me. I mingled with one group, then on to the next and stay for a while with them, while slowly building my social circle. As usual, middle schoolers were being cliches, so they were hostile to me and I felt deeply hurt. I furthered into depression, to the point where I stopped caring about my clothing, how I looked, lack of attention to my appearance, easily sensitive and became introverted. When I took the personality test, I honestly thought I was INFP. But some things did not match up. I'll put these into bullet points.


    -Strong social skills, easily talk to new people although afraid of older people, authority figures, or people I get vibes about.
    -Great public speaking ability, in fact, I get excited about it. Everyone else is nervous around me, I am not. In fact, I volunteer first and amaze people with my words, hell, I inspire and convince them.
    -Optimistic unless depressed. Believe the best in people although realize that some people are mean out there.
    -Easily answer questions that are unexpected unless under stress
    -I noted that when under stress, I lose my ability to talk, I become extremely emotional, I lash out just so I can end the conflict. Or I agree with what they say just to end it.
    -I get lonely by myself. When sitting by myself, I have thoughts in my head that seem anxious and longing for someone to sit by me. I worry that my friends won't be around due to sickness.
    -I actively seek out people and sometimes talk when someone says something I'm interested in. Although, over the years due to depression, I was timid and shy. Its past and I have my old confidence and charisma back.
    -I get vibes about people. Some sixth sense about them. Sometimes it tells me to avoid them or that they are crushing on me. Although, I've had horrible judgments on people due to this (two of my best friends, I got this hostile vibe)
    -My friends are a mixture of introverts and extroverts. I naturally lead the conversations when I'm in a good mood with my introverts, and laugh and joke with them as well as extroverted friends. I like my extroverted friends more as they do as much things that I do (shop, eat out, pursue hobbies, have interesting stories like I do)

    My childhood, I was popular. Many people knew me, I knew them, and we were all friends. I would hug random people. Talk fast and a lot. And while other kids were playing, I was talking to people. Although, I shy away from older people or people who I perseved as hostile. I hanged out with friends at their house, participated in sports, and had birthday parties. I was so happy.

    I would have sporadic melt downs due to having a family of Intj's or istj's who have said mean and deeply hurtful things and felt like I had no one to talk to about my feelings. So I bottled them up. Thats when I started to change and get anxious.


    Then I moved. Slowly became introverted due to being rejected by people who disliked change or new people. I met some people, and as a senior, I have a ton of people who know me and re-gained my charisma, social-ability and so on. Although some people think I'm shy while others believe I'm a social butterfly. i noticed I lose my inhibitions when I'm around people I trust and my fun side comes out. Last story. Maybe two. I got lead role in a play back in third grade, was excited, and performed in excellence, and remembered all my lines. Even capable of acting melo-dramatic. (I do that when telling stories, fake emotions and use my hands a lot when around friends). When I was a freshmen, I had homecoming. I slowly got out of my shell when I saw a dude techno dancing. After that, all hell broke lose and I brought the dance moves to the floor. I got like three crowds with watching me and a crowd of females surrounded me . People were shocked that I did this and wondered, how could a shy guy like me do this. I did not feel self conscious at all and was caught up in the moment.

    One thing that makes me confused is that I can think inside myself when I'm by myself but around others, I start to think outward, fast, witty, depending on my mood or who I'm with. I feed off the energy of others and in return, respond in such. I also spent a lot of my early teens in my room writing, thinking to myself, and being sad. Although, at school I would talk to a lot of people but whenever summer came, I went into a state of sleeping a lot and longing for school to return (only reason why, so I can talk to people).

    Also, how come I long to be something else? For a long time, I wanted the idea of a isfp because they are seen as creative, artistic and such and I found that cool. Is this a enfp thing to do to reject their true side?

    When stressed, I lose focus of the future, in-able to talk, and only think of the present and lose my sensitivity. What is my shadow function that I described?

    Anyway, cool story aside, I want to know a couple of things.


    Is what I describe a repressed extrovert?
    Am I introverted?
    Did I describe the stages of depression in a enfp or infp?
    Am I enfp or Infp?
    Do you have similar stories?
    What are your thoughts on my experience?
    How do you vent your emotions when parents are not emotionally in-tuned neither is family, and you fear your friends may leave you if you bear your emotions?
    How do I recover my social situation? I did it already but I want to experience some parties or such. Would it be weird if I went up to some people and asked if they were going to parties? Should I install a friendship? Or should I unleash my party animal in college?
    Riy, cal47 and Luke thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    [QUOTE=MindinPluto;1146787]
    Is what I describe a repressed extrovert?
    More like a 'de'pressed extrovert. (we turn into introverts)

    Am I introverted?
    Nope

    Did I describe the stages of depression in a enfp or infp?
    ENFP

    Am I enfp or Infp?
    Definitely ENFP

    Do you have similar stories?
    Heck yeah! I didn't have any real friends until I was 15. So I started being depressed. I stopped caring about my physical appearance. My hygiene was horrible, I didn't wash my clothes and I didn't bother to bathe. I was terrible. Especially in middle school. I was a smart kid that was picked on particularly because I was overweight. My social awkwardness stayed until my early 20's.

    What are your thoughts on my experience?
    That you're another ME. Only difference is that you got out of the social awkwardness earlier. Good for you!

    How do you vent your emotions when parents are not emotionally in-tuned neither is family, and you fear your friends may leave you if you bear your emotions?
    I didn't really have that problem growing up. I did bottle everything up. But you using Pers. Cafe to vent is a good start.

    How do I recover my social situation? I did it already but I want to experience some parties or such. Would it be weird if I went up to some people and asked if they were going to parties? Should I install a friendship? Or should I unleash my party animal in college?
    Well, I suggest you take it slow. Little by little. If you unleash a "party animal", how do you think you will be viewed? Will others take you seriously? Don't focus so much with parties as with just trying to get to know others. Everything else will fall into place. You got a good head on your shoulders, kid. Keep using it!

    Welcome! Were glad to have you!

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    This sounds a lot like me from late middle school through highschool. I was also pretty bi-polar junior and senior year. For example, I wouldn't talk to anybody in government, then I'd have drawing iv next period and couldn't keep my mouth closed. I was only happy when I was surrounded by friends though, which was only during a few classes and lunch. The rest of the day I was very unhappy. It took leaving home at 18 for college to change my consistent outlook on life. I went to school for computer animation so I was surrounded by a lot of like minded NF's. I think most people will tell you highschool blows and it gets better after.
    MindinPluto thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    Is what I describe a repressed extrovert?
    Yeah I'd say so.

    Am I introverted?
    I'd say you're more of an extrovert, but most people aren't strictly one or the other.

    Did I describe the stages of depression in a enfp or infp?
    I don't know if there's specific stages of depression that differ between enfps and infps. I've been depressed for a long time. Before I was depressed I was more outgoing, but probably still introverted.

    Am I enfp or Infp?
    ENFP

    Do you have similar stories?
    Sort of. Everyone in my family is an SJ which can be a pain in the @ss. Kids and teachers were mean to me in elementary school because they thought I was a total weirdo (I went to an effed up religious school where there was no room for individuality whatsoever.) My mom took pity on me and decided to homeschool me until middle school which was horrible. There were so many dumb kids who couldn't think for themselves if there life depended on it. High School was moderately better.

    What are your thoughts on my experience?
    I think its great that you are breaking out of your "shell". Sorry, I hate using that expression Sometimes I think I'm a shy, depressed extrovert because I'm interested in people and find it extremely hard to stay motivated without them. I just feel like a nobody.

    How do you vent your emotions when parents are not emotionally in-tuned neither is family, and you fear your friends may leave you if you bear your emotions?
    I'd say find better friends.

    How do I recover my social situation? I did it already but I want to experience some parties or such. Would it be weird if I went up to some people and asked if they were going to parties? Should I install a friendship? Or should I unleash my party animal in college?
    Haha this question is funny. You sound like Russel Brand (no offense I think he's hilarious.)
    Do whatever you want. If I were you I'd wait till college since that's what all the cool kids are doing. I wish I could go lol.
    MindinPluto and Teen Rose thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    something that is really interesting to me is social dynamics, especially concerning when they are being formed. it really makes you realise that social dynamics really don't tell you that much about who people really are.. especially during school years. first impressions are by far the most important thing. if someone is socially confident and innately incredibly witty they can still be distorted, especially at school age, if they act shy for whatever reason and create the wrong first impression.

    this used to confuse the crap out of me when i switched from school to school and became a completely different person each time- people of a high school age or near it should never judge themselves.. wait until you're old enough to make your own decisions and then your natural personality should come out.

  7. #6
    Unknown Personality


    Is what I describe a repressed extrovert?

    Yep I think so! Because you sound like me and I've only recently worked out that I'm ENFP not INFP or INFJ.

    Am I introverted?

    I don't think your type is introverted, but ENFPs can have their 'introverted moments' where we just need a few hours to recharge. So I think this can sometimes add to the confusion.

    Did I describe the stages of depression in a enfp or infp?

    Well I don't know much about the stages of depression for ENFP or INFP, but I can relate so I suppose ENFP :)

    Am I enfp or Infp?

    I'd say ENFP.

    Do you have similar stories?

    I can't objectively describe myself as a child, I don't know if I was chatty. I remember being outside a lot, riding my bike, on my rollerblades and playing with the kids in my street. I'd also spend time in doors drawing, that was my favourite thing to do, drawing. I remember that my friends in my street didn't want to hang out as often as I would have liked.

    I was bullied between the ages of 7 and 9. Picked on because of my auburn hair and called fat. I believed I was ugly and fat for a long time and still have issues with this. I look at photos of me from that age and it makes me angry for thinking I was fat because I was not!

    I can relate to the 'mingling' with different social groups. When I look back at my experience of secondary school between the age of 11-16 I had a lot of friends, in different social groups. I'm the sort of person that gets on with everyone. This did leaving me feeling like I didn't 'belong' anywhere. Eventually I settled with one group and stopped hanging out with the other ones, I regret this now.

    I moved house/school 2 times from the age of 9. The first place I moved to was 200 miles from where I was born/grew up, I lived there for 6 months and made friends with a couple of kids in my street very quickly. Then we moved to another house about another 150 miles away and I joined another school. I wasn't bullied badly but I felt alienated and they'd pick on my auburn hair and even my accent! I was at that school for a year before starting secondary school. At secondary school I was bullied on and off, I knew how to deal with bullies so the bullying didn't last long, but I still took what they said to heart and it had a major affect on my confidence.

    The other thing that stunted my social skills was the location to which we moved to. We literally lived in the middle of nowhere so hanging out with my friends after school was almost impossible and in the end I gave up trying.

    So for a long time I thought I was introverted because of my lack of confidence among other things. I feel that as I get older the real person within me is coming out more and more.

    What are your thoughts on my experience?

    I felt that I could relate to a lot of what you said and that it's perfectly understandable why for a while you thought your were INFP instead of ENFP.

    How do you vent your emotions when parents are not emotionally in-tuned neither is family, and you fear your friends may leave you if you bear your emotions?

    Trust in your friends, bear your emotions to them and if they have a problem with it then you know they aren't true friends. I understand this is easier said than done!

    How do I recover my social situation? I did it already but I want to experience some parties or such. Would it be weird if I went up to some people and asked if they were going to parties? Should I install a friendship? Or should I unleash my party animal in college?

    If the opportunity comes up to go to a party and you are invited, go to it. Or maybe if the problem is that you aren't getting invited you could try to find a way to get invited. Maybe if you over hear a group talking about a party they are arranging you could offer to help, or you could find a way to join in their conversation and next thing you know you've been invited to their party :)

  8. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Yes. Yes yes yes. Very similar story. I went through some hard times in my early teens. I grew up thinking I was this shy little timid introvert and then over time this crazy, energetic, monster popped out! As Enfps I think we are prone to introvert when stressed or depressed. I have been aware since I realized this years ago. Even now sometimes I'll feel myself retreating when I get stressed, but I learnt how to control it. I like to think of it as selective extroversion.

  9. #8
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by MindinPluto View Post
    When stressed, I lose focus of the future, in-able to talk, and only think of the present and lose my sensitivity. What is my shadow function that I described?
    If I had to guess, I'd say some combination of trickster introverted thinking and demonic extraverted sensation. Trickster Ti is that voice inside your head that says "You're too smart for these people. Screw them. They're needy anyway." Demonic extraverted sensation is the voice inside your head that says "The here and now sucks. How the hell do you figure out what your future is when you can't even get the present right?"

    One other thing that's worth pointing out (that helped me come to the realization that I'm an extravert): we tend to think of extraversion and introversion in terms of social interaction, but that's not always the case. Rather, extraversion is an interest in the outside world (which just so happens to include other people). For instance, I would consider an ESTP going snowboarding or skiing an extraverted activity even if they go by themselves. Introverts have a tendency to just want to stay home and read a book (and might even invite friends over to discuss said book).
    MindinPluto thanked this post.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by amnorvend View Post
    One other thing that's worth pointing out (that helped me come to the realization that I'm an extravert): we tend to think of extraversion and introversion in terms of social interaction, but that's not always the case. Rather, extraversion is an interest in the outside world (which just so happens to include other people). For instance, I would consider an ESTP going snowboarding or skiing an extraverted activity even if they go by themselves. Introverts have a tendency to just want to stay home and read a book (and might even invite friends over to discuss said book).
    Wow, I'd have to disagree with the theory of introverts not going snowboarding, mainly because I have more than a few 'I' friends who go at least twice a week, including myself. These friends also mtn bike, surf, play soccer, hockey - list goes on. And although I'm what you'd call a really depressed ExFP, essentially an IxFP under these circumstances and I barely read any books.

    I think you need to do some research on what Intro and Extroverted means because from what I know it has absolutely nothing to do with activities. It's about whether you get energy from interaction with other people or by being alone. I've spent a majority of my life as an 'I' and love outdoor pursuits and sports more than any book. I think many of my extroverted friends would think you're crazy to peg me as that based on snowboarding considering I'm the guy that's usually got his mouth shut in the back of a car for an hour on the way to the hill, if ya get my drift. <<slight exaggeration, but yeah. There are also a number of introverts who are members of the Canadian Forces, actually craploads. Takes brains (in-depth thought) to operate a million dollar go kart, lol. You'd be surprised how many pro athletes are introverts. Compared to other college students, I found that many of my teammates on the soccer team were quite quiet. Sure, good with women cause we got ballz, but it doesn't energize a lot of us, at least in my experience.

  11. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I was bullied in elementary school and was much like a lot of people here; I believed I was ugly and fat and even to this day, although some tell me I'm attractive, I still have a hard time believing them.

    I went through high school not knowing how to behave around people until late junior year, where something just "clicked" and I suddenly started picking apart what people were saying and gave a clever twist in their meaning. Pretty soon I discovered I had a crazy and unparalleled sense of humor and the adoration that came from this emboldened me and I started subconsciously studying the social ways of highly smooth people. It took me a while to lose my inhibition but over time I perfected my ENTP persona and started to question my introversion because I loved bouncing ideas off of people in the form of jokes.

    In the end, however, I decided I was still an introvert. Because more people knew me and I socialized more intensely and frequently, I became ever eager to be alone, even despairing that there seem to be few places people cannot get to you in this world by various technology. I felt my private life has been encroached upon and during my month of crisis I loathed the sight of people.

    Long story short, I used to think I was an introvert because I couldn't be anything else but alone. Now, I know I'm a confident introvert with good social skills who prefer more time alone. Introversion is not a lack or disability if you know what you're doing. Ironically, nowadays I get this a lot when I tell people I'm introverted: "but you're so social and confident!" (I never imagined anyone saying that to me when I was young). So I would proceed to explain that introversion is a preference, not a lack.

    I'm not questioning your ENFPness, but I get the "you're too socially graceful to be introverted" comment so much I just had to get this out.
    Luke thanked this post.


     
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