So, Iím miserable. I mean, as miserable as I can be, being meÖwhich probably doesnít look all that miserable to most, but I just feel blah, totally not myself. Which sucks, really, because when Iím myself, life is just more fun. Anyway, for the past few months Iíve been unhappy, and last night my mom sat me down, all determined to get to the bottom of why I was moping all the time now.
We figure itís my job. I didnít realize that being in the wrong job could bring me down so much, but thatís my momís hypothesis, and sheís rarely wrong about these things. Does anyone else find it almost impossible to ďsuck it upĒ sometimes? I keep thinking thatís what I should be able to do (hence never really admitting that it was my job that was making me upset elsewhere in life). I always figured, you know, itís work. No one really WANTS to work, we just do it because we have to. Now, Iím really starting to think that if I could just find a job that suits me, I could be incredibly happy again.
Itís an exciting prospect, because it gives me the feeling that I can control my situation now, as opposed to just being blue and not knowing why. Is it an ENFP thing? An individual thing? Honestly, I do know people who really donít care what theyíre job is, or what theyíre doing, they just go, work, get paid, go home and theyíre totally happy as clams regardless. Why canít I just take it on the chin, do well at whatever Iím doing and let it all roll off my back? Does it make me unambitious, overly sensitive, ineffective? Lately, I've been feeling all of these things. I know I'm bright, I know I'm capable, but when you fail time and time again without really improving (though you should be able to) it starts to feel like you're...defective?
Anyway, the great job search of 2011 begins now, because Iím not putting up with the crap Iíve been putting up with for another minute, either from my job, or from myself. *nods*