[roseflower217]

Hello ENFP's,

I am a female 30 year old INFJ, who has a male 30 year old ENFP coworker/friend who I absolutely love to death. We will probably date one day. We've known each other as friends for about 5 months. I feel frustrated trying to understand his communication style. He asks so many questions, I feel like I am being interrogated. I will answer his questions or even offer my opinion, so the conversation doesn't feel like an interview. But most of the time, I get no response, no feedback, or even an acknowledgment that he's heard me, he's already excitedly moved onto the next question. I can almost see his thought process as this: "I asked her a question, ok she answered my question, interesting... I will store this question away in my memory, this reminds me of another question, I will ask her a different question." He is like a speedboat going to one question to the next and I feel exhausted.

My question: Is this normal for most ENFPs? Is there a way for an INFJ to come to peace and feel fulfilled with this type of communication? Is there a way to get on the same page with him and feel a better flow of conversation? I understand my Ni might clashes with his Ne, when I want to go deep and he wants to go far... I don't want to bring this up as an issue if this is just a normal part of an ENFP's personality. I just don't know how to feel closer to him if I don't feel listened to and acknowledged.

It sounds petty, but I want to tell him, "please comment on my comment so I know you heard me and value my thoughts instead of jumping to the next the question... but this seems incredibly demanding of me. I'd rather try to understand him and adjust myself, instead of trying to make him change to fit me.

Any tips or advice?

[angelcarnivore]

Hello ENFP's,

I am a female 30 year old INFJ, who has a male 30 year old ENFP coworker/friend who I absolutely love to death. We will probably date one day. We've known each other as friends for about 5 months. I feel frustrated trying to understand his communication style. He asks so many questions, I feel like I am being interrogated. I will answer his questions or even offer my opinion, so the conversation doesn't feel like an interview. But most of the time, I get no response, no feedback, or even an acknowledgment that he's heard me, he's already excitedly moved onto the next question. I can almost see his thought process as this: "I asked her a question, ok she answered my question, interesting... I will store this question away in my memory, this reminds me of another question, I will ask her a different question." He is like a speedboat going to one question to the next and I feel exhausted.

My question: Is this normal for most ENFPs? Is there a way for an INFJ to come to peace and feel fulfilled with this type of communication? Is there a way to get on the same page with him and feel a better flow of conversation? I understand my Ni might clashes with his Ne, when I want to go deep and he wants to go far... I don't want to bring this up as an issue if this is just a normal part of an ENFP's personality. I just don't know how to feel closer to him if I don't feel listened to and acknowledged.

It sounds petty, but I want to tell him, "please comment on my comment so I know you heard me and value my thoughts instead of jumping to the next the question... but this seems incredibly demanding of me. I'd rather try to understand him and adjust myself, instead of trying to make him change to fit me.

Any tips or advice?

If you like him enough to consider dating, it's going to take a LONG TIME to crack that nut. We are really private people, and if you're still in the interview process he's accumulating data so as not to offend you but to understand your value system and translate his ideas and feelings to you in a way more comfortable TO you. The insights he can glean from your answers are important to him so that when he gives you metaphors and stories he knows you'll connect with them. We soak up A LOT of information and our brains make multiple associative chains, especially since Ps tend to sort by similarity unlike Js who tend to sort by differences.

TELL HIM YOU WANT FEEDBACK BEFORE GOING ONTO A NEW TOPIC. He will happily accomodate you, the interview process is FOR accomodation. Our... our core structure changes to fit the context predetermined. (IE, you're still you whether dressed in pajamas or a ballgown, but you would never go to a fancy gala in your pajamas.) If you try to adjust for him he'll intuit you're not being wholly honest and will probe further to determine the cause of the inconsistency.

ENFPs, while warm and compassionate, take a LONG time to fall in love. "Fall in love" is different than 'love", in that, we love everyone. We are "in love" with very few. It's a sign of complete trust. In order to trust completely he has to understand you.

Don't be afraid. We're only critical if you do something morally wrong, and it only hurts until the discrepency is corrected. As an INFJ I can't imagine you would function immorally. Take your time, it's in the bag. You take off your mask, he'll take off his and you can either hug or run away screaming. No biggie.

[KiRrRr]

If you like him enough to consider dating, it's going to take a LONG TIME to crack that nut. We are really private people, and if you're still in the interview process he's accumulating data so as not to offend you but to understand your value system and translate his ideas and feelings to you in a way more comfortable TO you. The insights he can glean from your answers are important to him so that when he gives you metaphors and stories he knows you'll connect with them. We soak up A LOT of information and our brains make multiple associative chains, especially since Ps tend to sort by similarity unlike Js who tend to sort by differences.

TELL HIM YOU WANT FEEDBACK BEFORE GOING ONTO A NEW TOPIC. He will happily accomodate you, the interview process is FOR accomodation. Our... our core structure changes to fit the context predetermined. (IE, you're still you whether dressed in pajamas or a ballgown, but you would never go to a fancy gala in your pajamas.) If you try to adjust for him he'll intuit you're not being wholly honest and will probe further to determine the cause of the inconsistency.

ENFPs, while warm and compassionate, take a LONG time to fall in love. "Fall in love" is different than 'love", in that, we love everyone. We are "in love" with very few. It's a sign of complete trust. In order to trust completely he has to understand you.

Don't be afraid. We're only critical if you do something morally wrong, and it only hurts until the discrepency is corrected. As an INFJ I can't imagine you would function immorally. Take your time, it's in the bag. You take off your mask, he'll take off his and you can either hug or run away screaming. No biggie.

I agree with this post!
My communication style is a bit different from what you describe in your ENFP so I don't think it is the same for everyone...
But for me it also takes a long time before I really fall for someone, and before that I need to understand a person :D
So the asking a lot of questions is a good sign for sure!! Just tell him you would like to get some reply to your answers!
In my opinion this is not demanding! Personally I love deep conversations and love to really share thoughts and go very deep and I think this is for many ENFPs the same.....
I think Ne and Ni don't clash that much.... Se and Ni might cause problems yes...
But we ENFPs still want to understand the reasons and meanings behind the information we absorb, we don't always have to swift from topic to topic with a lightning speed and can be also very content with a slower paced but deep conversation ;)

[lavendersnow]

Perhaps you should just communicate this to him. ENFPs like to please and I'm sure he won't be offended by you asking to confirm what he thinks about your comment. I'm very used to Ne doms now but it still grates on me on rare occasions that they may not comment on what I've just said, they just bounce to the next topic.

It is mainly annoying if I'm discussing something serious and my Ne friend isn't verbally acknowledging what I've said. After much experience, I've learned, 9/10 times you think they're not actually listening, they are, they're trying to. Ne just means they don't want to slow down like we do. Sometimes we want to stop for too long to mull over a comment and they spend too little - which at times makes us feel like we must be incompatible, but it doesn't mean they haven't heard you.

Although, due to fast paced nature of Ne, they tend to be quite forgetful. Just ask, ENFPs are generally very accommodating as everyone above has mentioned :D

[roseflower217]

Wow, thanks everyone! This is all great advice and amazing insight! Very encouraging. Thank you again!!!