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Sx last vs So last awkwardness

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This is a discussion on Sx last vs So last awkwardness within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Originally Posted by IntrovertHero I know this is a bit out of context, but do you have ever looked up ...

  1. #21
    Type 2w1

    Quote Originally Posted by IntrovertHero View Post
    I know this is a bit out of context, but do you have ever looked up for a Asperger's syndrome diagnosis? Because i had the same issues you seem to have and ended with this diagnostic, it made a lot of things clearer for me.
    Hm, thanks for the thought, I have thought about that in the past but I'm not sure if it fits entirely and can't imagine it would be worth it to figure something like that out for me - I know I'll keep on the same way :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Flower Hat View Post
    I mean... I think I was incorrect in describing awkwardness as being "in the eye of the beholder," but what I wasn't explaining too well is that it's others who decide whether you're awkward or not. It's about your behaviour and someone else's perception of it, rather than coming from inside of you, and that's why I find it difficult to decide whether I'm awkward or not.

    If I had to guess, I'd say I'm rarely awkward, but that I tend to feel awkward without seeming to show it more often. My most bubbly and charming sister says that I'm not awkward, just reserved. I've been told by many people that I'm quite natural because of my being unaware of how I come across, so I guess I'll take their words for it.
    Yes, I think it's common! (there's a girl at my work, a 9 too, and she talks a lot about being awkward but realizing she isn't really, wonder if it could be associated with that...probably not, just side note)

    For what it's worth, I'm so-blind, and I really do mean blind. I don't think that makes me awkward. I mean, I occasionally blurt out things that I probably shouldn't be saying, but I think that a lot of people do this.
    It makes sense, think awkwardness in many cases is summoned by overanalyzing and caring too much, no one comes off 'awkward' even if they're really blunt, if it's clear they don't value what's going on, think so-lasts often come off really cool :D
    I was definitely stereotyping, but I do strongly associate sx-last with "mechanical." I don't think that sx-lasts come across as "uncomfortable" usually, just "stiff." It's one of the reasons why I tend to see them as controlled, but not as though they're holding back - I associate this more with having sx higher in the stacking, especially in so-blinds. sx-lasts seem collected, like they know what they want to share and what they don't. so and sp-lasts tend to seem like they're not quite as sure whether or not to say or do something, like they're withholding information or like they're resisting the urge to say or do something.
    Oh ok, I get what you mean better now! and yes, that tallies with my experience, agree! (think you explained well the first time, I just got slightly different image)

    I tend to share personal information without meaning to impulsively at times, if it relates to something in the topic of conversation, but I think I should have pointed out that it seems that some sx-lasts willingly, consciously share information without even seeming to realize just how intimate it is. I've built some relationships over the years with people who seemed like they didn't care just who they shared their feelings with because it didn't really mean anything to them to share or to have information shared with them. I've found that sx-firsts and seconds attach more value to sharing personal information, because the more information you're sharing, the deeper you're going.


    A former friend of mine would share her insecurities and feelings with our entire classroom, and still somehow form no attachment to 90% of the people there despite the fact that they knew about these intimate parts of her. I've also had the experience of being further along in relationships with people than they are with me, because when they'd share something very personal with me and I'd consider that to mean that we're getting closer, but somehow it seemed that they were emotionally in the same place as before, like they were emotionally detached from the information they were sharing. The weird thing is that a lot of them considered themselves very private with how they deal with their feelings, and perhaps they were, but in a different way to me which is why I failed to understand them. All I know is that if I'm sharing personal information with somebody or they're doing that with me, I'm going to form an attachment to them, and it seems like sx-lasts can't separate the personal from impersonal. They'll make an offhand comment about these deep feelings have been nagging them for years and when I point out that they've just willingly shared intimate stuff about themselves, they'll be like, "Me? Vulnerable? Never."
    Oh, ok, that's interesting - I would maybe associate this with Fi or even sp (I remember @Immolate saying something similar about sp)

    Not sure of my type lol so it's not that relevant but I don't tend to see personal information as that...expensive, I usually don't mind sharing things, don't think it necessarily tells me I'm advancing further in a relationship or something (well, it's all connected but there's a lot of other indicators I use for closeness and I'm not...jealous about what I share, I guess)

    Not sure I've explained that correctly, and for all I know, it might not have anything to do with instincts. I think this sorta thing is easy for me to notice because I tend to get attached to people easily, and I think that it's easier to share personal things with others when you're on the opposite end of the spectrum.
    (But I get attached to people easily as well ;))

    I do want to say that I can relate to everything in bold, BUT I don't tend to feel scared or awkward and I don't think think that I come across awkward either because I don't really worry about how I come across or freak out about what I'm going to say. I like things to flow, and if it's not happening naturally, I'm not going to force a conversation because I really hate it when people try to force conversations with me. I don't like socializing for the sake of socializing and I don't like feeling like someone is bullshitting me; when I'm talking to someone, unless it's because one of us needs something like directions to a certain place or whatever, I either have to feel like the conversation itself is really stimulating or like we're both interested in getting to know each other, and if that's not coming naturally, I'd rather just end the conversation and walk away. I prefer not to be alone, but I'd definitely prefer to be all alone than to force something that's not there, although it depends on the situation. In a classroom, I'd prefer to have friends to talk to and to provide a sense of relief from the workload, but I don't mind being alone if I'm not really clicking with anybody. In a more social setting, like a party, I really don't like to be alone because I can't have fun in that kind of situation on my own.
    Ok, this all makes sense with your typing)
    Interesting, thanks for sharing!
    mistakenforstranger and Flower Hat thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by Nissa Nissa View Post
    Oh, ok, that's interesting - I would maybe associate this with Fi or even sp (I remember @Immolate saying something similar about sp)

    Not sure of my type lol so it's not that relevant but I don't tend to see personal information as that...expensive, I usually don't mind sharing things, don't think it necessarily tells me I'm advancing further in a relationship or something (well, it's all connected but there's a lot of other indicators I use for closeness and I'm not...jealous about what I share, I guess)
    Interestingly I don't relate to that much either. Like I would say I'm pretty indiscriminate in what I share, though I realize I can be withholding as well. I just don't focus on those things, and think more about how interesting someone seems and if something fun could come out of our interactions.

    Although I think this sort of thing isn't necessarily conscious all the time (who you want to share yourself with or not, or who you let inside of you), since they're instincts after all. I could see SoSx being the least discriminate, and SpSx the most. Before taking other factors into account.

    Edit: Also, I feel like I should have something to say on this topic because I'm definitely awkward in a way, but... I don't know, in a way it feels Social last because I feel so oblivious about a lot of things, but then would someone with Social blindspot really care enough to feel awkward about it? And then I can be awkward with Sexual things as well, as I believe I've mentioned before.
    Last edited by d e c a d e n t; 04-18-2018 at 10:59 AM.

  3. #23
    Type 8w7

    Sp/So - SX-last is that guy that's sitting in the group of everyone else, listening with a nodding head, smiling - adding empty - but interesting things to the convo willingly or out of turn, but ultimately has their arm(s) folded tightly with very dark shades, with an attire that blends to the etiquette of the group.

    Awkwardness, (for myself anyhow), may be demonstrable when (everyone) start(s) sharing/seeking personal stories like the SX-wet dream kumbaya. SX-last may not contribute on their turn, struggle with it - or remove themselves.

    SX-last is basically playing poker with everyone. Hidden in plain sight; and aware. Is that awkward.. I dunno. I reckon for those struggling with "why is that guy all dressed up and here, if they just want to watch and skip their turn to share?" ... The point of (poker) is not to get caught in the bluff.

    The baldies are myself daily.



    I can see some specimen(s) finding them awkward; but it does not feel like it to them.
    Last edited by Catwalk; 04-18-2018 at 11:54 PM.
    pwowq thanked this post.

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  5. #24
    Type 7w8

    Quote Originally Posted by Catwalk View Post
    Sp/So - SX-last is that guy that's sitting in the group of everyone else, listening with a nodding head, smiling - adding empty - but interesting things to the convo willingly or out of turn, but ultimately has their arm(s) folded tightly with very dark shades, with an attire that blends to the etiquette of the group.

    Awkwardness, (for myself anyhow), may be demonstrable when (everyone) start(s) sharing/seeking personal stories like the SX-wet dream kumbaya. SX-last may not contribute on their turn, struggle with it - or remove themselves.

    SX-last is basically playing poker with everyone. Hidden in plain sight; and aware. Is that awkward.. I dunno. I reckon for those struggling with "why is that guy all dressed up and here, if they just want to watch and skip their turn to share?" ... The point of (poker) is not to get caught in the bluff.

    The baldies are myself daily.



    I can see some specimen(s) finding them awkward; but it does not feel like it to them.
    Dude, you're stealing my words. I never feel awkward and want to never cause awkwardness in others. As for the SX-last guy in the pic, everyone knows Obama, everyone notices the cool ones with shades, do you even see the bearded guy with no shades? He is part of "the group", yet not part of it, he's just there fitting in and not fitting in at the same time. Difficult to notice because of the not at all obvious traits. He's not trying so hard and pulls it off regardless. But do notice he dress exactly like the "alpha" (Obama) in the pic making him melt in comfortably.
    Catwalk thanked this post.

  6. #25

    Sp/Sx - So last:

    I am most awkward when numbers increase, or when I'm with someone I cannot connect with - I say 'connect with' rather than strangers, because I do have direct family members whom I cannot be with without feeling awkward - or if they are a stranger and I cannot bond or resonate with them, it's like I see them as no more than thin air. I am notblind nor oblivious to social cues: I'm very much aware of them,subtle or not; but there is usually an instinctual inner thought of“Do I want to engage myself?” rather than instinctively actingupon the cue, which is probably the charismatic approach most people would take. Sometimes I feel that after one conversation withsomeone takes place, that's enough socialising to last a long time, days, weeks, that I'd probablyavoid or pretend to be oblivious to anything to not engage anotherconversation.


    I'm always determined to not reveal too much about myself, which probably makes my speaking habits rather deliberate, direct and clinical, maybe even robotic – I suppose it's an all ornothing - and tend to almost control conversations in order to keep the topics off of myself. If I do happen to engage in conversation, it's because Isensed that conversation can lead somewhere worthwhile, and that I have eithersomething to learn or to contribute to help the lead, so I willwholly dedicate myself; however, if we're talking small talk or you're not remotely interested in what I have to say, I'm notgoing to engage nor attempt to keep the talking alive – I'll ensure myanswers are worded blatantly enough to not cause offence, and to notprovoke more questions fired my way – I don't want to know why "Monday and Tuesday is really your weekend, because those are the daysyou get to yourself", as someone told me in a shop. I don't care.


    IfI feel I have revealed too much about myself, I tend to detach fromeverything around me for a while and not make contact with anybody, as if I'm afraid I'd given the code to get through to me. It doesn'tseem to matter who they are, family, friends, or strangers: they allof them experience my sudden withdrawal when yesterday I seemed socommunicative! Perhaps I come across as moody when I feel too exposed, and because of this, I'm very, very selective with whom I open up to. If anything, I push people away more than I pull them in -- by mistake or design (usually the former) -- and have counter-intuitively ruined many a friendship because of it. I want connection with one ideal person, but then when they're too close, I back away ... it's an ongoing cycle, and it's quite pathetic - although, I'm a bit better at it than I used to be, and no longer hide in public when I see people I know ... wait, I still do that.

    Most of what I wrote was about groups and talking amongst them, which I find a waste of time and energy, because I know I'm not going to engage my voice. Groups of three I find to be the most ideal - almost too ideal to be true, like a literary tale. Any more than that, and I feel like a spare part that's never going to get used.
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  7. #26
    Type 8w7

    Quote Originally Posted by pwowq View Post
    Dude, you're stealing my words. I never feel awkward and want to never cause awkwardness in others.
    I actually; in the moment very rarely think about "making someone awkward," or et al. It is not until afterward (sometimes days), - perhaps, I am like, oh, that was probably awkward. Then I shrug it off, lul. Usually it is another humanoid pointing out, "that's awkward," - and I am raising an eyebrow, like, "what is?" ... but then I think 'awkwardness' that is deviating from the "group" is all subjective-fluff.

    As (SX)-last, I do not feel awkwardness much. It does not register immediately. It doesn't occur immediately, that speaking so casually/openly about my cavities in a Dentist office, may turn some humanoids off. I'm assuming we're all here, grouped up in at the dentist, because something is demonstrably going on with our teeth. That is no secret. Some humanoids are giggling listening; others with a face, like, "oh no! Cavities are private and sacred to the individual! Censorship!" .. Ok. I think those gigglers/face maker(s) are SX people, that see it as contradictory. To be apathetic (&) also open.

    While someone with SP/SX - or SX/SP instinct may have a more keen awareness/perceptiveness of 'awkwardness' and this sort of thing. I notice those types may run through 5,000 way(s) of how to grab someone's hand the "best way" without it turning awkward - and to "make them feel it" in a way. "Is this gesture too intense and personal, or how can I grab their hand so they feel what I feel?"

    While for myself, I just grab a hand (&) see what follows; either awkwardness or none at all. Later that day, I am like, I may have been a bit awkward with that handshake. Meanwhile, I am wondering why this SX-person is making such a big deal of grabbing someone's hand -- they are still mauling over it.
    Last edited by Catwalk; 04-19-2018 at 04:03 PM.
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  8. #27
    Type 7w8

    You said in another post @Catwalk , 'spills the beans with a straight face'. It is the unintentional result of not being aware of awkwardness at all, want to have that safe distance to people, at the same time trying to hide the distance. Instead of putting ethical and moral values into the situation it becomes a game whereby the SX-last is pretending to know these values. I want to keep up with the social environment around me, blending in, keeping straight face, avoiding unnecessary attention to me, avoiding putting the spotlight on someone else, but I DO want others to acknowledge I'm in the same mood even thou I'm not. Ultimately I'm so caught in this weird poker game that I literally can, completely non-awkwardly drop my pants and shove a dildo up my arse like it is nothing to be upset about. Figuratively speaking. In all honesty I probably would be able to pull that stunt off in the right environment if no one intervenes.

    What happened today was I bought workclothes. Got help by the clerks to find shirts and pants, I asked for X-Y-Z, talked, got comfy with them, joined their convo about shoewear at work and I found myself slamming my left leg on the (1,2m high) counter saying "I bought these [there]... good quality for no money at all... what you should look for is XYZ when buying shoes you intend to stand in all day". I still don't find that awkward thou. Did out my knowledge about footwear and my physical agility.

    I have no words for this. This is a sign of a weakspot? Other SX-lasts here: Do you ever get embarrassed?
    Last edited by pwowq; 04-20-2018 at 07:44 AM.
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  9. #28
    Type 8w7

    Quote Originally Posted by pwowq View Post
    You said in another post @Catwalk , 'spills the beans with a straight face'. It is the unintentional result of not being aware of awkwardness at all, want to have that safe distance to people, at the same time trying to hide the distance. Instead of putting ethical and moral values into the situation it becomes a game whereby the SX-last is pretending to know these values. I want to keep up with the social environment around me, blending in, keeping straight face, avoiding unnecessary attention to me, avoiding putting the spotlight on someone else, but I DO want others to acknowledge I'm in the same mood even thou I'm not. Ultimately I'm so caught in this weird poker game that I literally can, completely non-awkwardly drop my pants and shove a dildo up my arse like it is nothing to be upset about. Figuratively speaking. In all honesty I probably would be able to pull that stunt off in the right environment if no one intervenes.

    What happened today was I bought workclothes. Got help by the clerks to find shirts and pants, I asked for X-Y-Z, talked, got comfy with them, joined their convo about shoewear at work and I found myself slamming my left leg on the (1,2m high) counter saying "I bought these [there]... good quality for no money at all... what you should look for is XYZ when buying shoes you intend to stand in all day". I still don't find that awkward thou. Did out my knowledge about footwear and my physical agility.
    LOL. This post (((surely))) made me laugh, indeed. I realized recently, I can either talk loudly - or quietly. By accident, as well. Not in an obnoxious manner - but I can tend to be a little loud and blunt with just enough tact to squeeze by, so talking in this manner with a poker-face makes specimen(s) react with "that 'you're kind of weird' face".

    An associate of mine find(s) it gut-clenching humorous that I can speak so frank/outlandish with a straight face. I think she is some form of ISFJ - SX instinct. She is very very kind, very (Fe). Very soft-spoken, very careful, very, very, very sweet genuine personality. Every time I talk I see she pulls back in this confused/innocentish way; but also mixing it with genuine laughter - that signals perhaps that I put her off, but that is absolutely alright. I can tell she find(s) the way I casually discuss things/conduct myself, just plain awkward, while I do not find it that way. That for her, it is awkward when I will just strike-up a conversation with her about some stuff out of thin air - and she makes the kind, happy "wtf" face - at how I casually discuss things.

    I remember once, we hadn't spoken in awhile, I just randomly asked her what kind of birth control she uses as an intro. No beginning or after dialogue. She was paralyzed (&) did not know how to answer. Just stared with big eyes. She is another [female]-humanoid, right, that is all I were really thinking about. I had to rephrase it quite a few times to make her more "comfortable" in answering.

    I have no words for this. This is a sign of a weakspot? Other SX-lasts here: Do you ever get embarrassed?
    I do not feel lot(s) of embarrassment, either. Never felt it in social settings; or in things like public speaking. I can feel it - but it comes from some SX-instinct person. It seems the SX-instinct can either run myself the other way or make me red in the face.

    The thing(s) that would normally embarrass someone else, do not embarrass myself. Some years ago, I fell down a flight of step(s) once on a crowded walk; and everyone was staring and laughing. I stood up with a straight face (&) kept walking. Felt nothing. To myself, "shit happens". It is like they never see a humanoid fall before. SX-last has gotten myself into accidental sticky-situations; once being placed (mistakenly) on suicide watch for just talking, too 'openly', of suicide with specimens that would find it offensive.
    Last edited by Catwalk; 04-20-2018 at 05:27 PM.
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  10. #29
    Type 2w1

    Surely this kind of embarrassment would be linked to so, not sx?
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  11. #30

    Quote Originally Posted by Catwalk View Post
    SX-last is basically playing poker with everyone. Hidden in plain sight; and aware. Is that awkward.. I dunno. I reckon for those struggling with "why is that guy all dressed up and here, if they just want to watch and skip their turn to share?" ... The point of (poker) is not to get caught in the bluff.

    The baldies are myself daily.



    I can see some specimen(s) finding them awkward; but it does not feel like it to them.
    The plane is the most sx thing in that picture.
    Nissa Nissa thanked this post.


     
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